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Baby Showers
Hels
member
Shower Evite - yes, flame away
Hels
member
in Baby Showers
I'm looking for some perspective on this one. Flame away. I have my big girl panties on.
My SIL is planning my baby shower. She's super sweet and I'm sure that whatever she has planned will be nice. I've had a few scares this pregnancy which really put things in perspective for me - I'm just happy to be getting a healthy baby. I couldn't care less about the details of the baby shower.
I know she's planning on sending out an Evite to my guests. Personally, it's not really my style. Something just screams etiquette police about that one.
My gut says to just sit down, take a deep breath and not worry about the invite being an Evite and just to be grateful for someone doing something nice for me. Am I right?
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Shower Evite - yes, flame away
My hostesses used Evite, but my guests pretty much expected that.
Printing invitations and then sending them takes up FAR too many resources (paper, ink, manpower, etc). Electronic communication is SO much better for the environment.
::flame away::
Evites have their place, but an occasion such as this it not it. For this kind of occasion I think they're lazy and kind of rude (expecting me to bring a gift but can't be bothered to waste a stamp, a card and the time to write out the invite - or even order them if you don't want to write).
The "better for the environment" thing is a nice excuse some people like to make, but unless everything else about their shower is green, it is laughable.
Sorry, I agree with danilynn17 - everything she said.
I check my email almost every day but miss it sometimes for 3-4 days. I have friends who only check their email once a week and some not even that often (and they are computer knowledgeable - use them all day at work). I have one friend who refuses to even have a computer! She had one a few years ago...never used it and didn't like it and sold it. Hopefully all of your guests DO check their emails. You might want to give those that you are unsure about a "heads up".
The Bee Hive Blog
"So I sing a song of love, Julia"
06.10.10
BFAR:We Defined Our Own Success!
25 Weeks - GOAL MET 52.2 Pounds gone! 27 Weeks Total Pounds Lost: 54.0
I agree with this. However, I'm not sure how far I would push the issue with your hostess. Maybe feel her out and see why she's chosen the Evite. Is it financial, time-crunch, laziness, or does she just not know any better? If it bothers you enough (it would me), maybe you can offer to help with 'real' invitations?
You're in a delicate position here - how a shower invitation should be handled vs. how much you can ask of your hostess. Both are etiquette issues, but in my mind only one of them has the potential to hurt someone's feelings or put them in a bad financial position.
I fall on the side of "this one's out of your hands." To me, asking her to spend a lot more $ on something (whether it's food, additional guests, "nicer" decorations, etc.) is just not OK. She's doing this with the best of intentions. Casually mention to your friends that the e-vite was ADORABLE and they'll know to look for it.
While I agree w/ a lot of what danilynn said (and I'm going to expand on a thought I have too) - I'm also not going to clutch my pearls if I get an evite for a shower either. I also agree w/ Roxy - you are balancing two different etiquette issues here.
Here's my very recent experience w/ e-vite, though. I sent out an evite for a party we're having in a couple months. By and large, most people got it. However, I have a few friends at my old company where they can't open the evite at work. That's one issue. Second issue, some of these same friends have been having problems w/ their personal (Hotmail) account where e-vites aren't coming through at all. So whether I send it to their hotmail account or they forward it, they still aren't getting it. Third issue, these same friends (who are all technology savvy, we actually met when we were all technology trainers) don't like to get on their computers at home. So even if they send the e-vite to their home address, often they forget to check simply because they hate getting on-line at home.
My take - if your hostess REALLY insists on doing an e-vite, I would just try to (as I see or talk to people), mention in passing that the invitation will be coming via e-vite. If they don't get it, to let you know.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
Me - DX Hashimoto's Disease, Hypothyroid, Rheumatoid Arthritis
DH - DX Azoospermia - Sertoli Cell Syndrome
DS-IUI #1-4 BFN IVF #1 - BFP! It's a boy!!!
Well color me and my family tacky if you want but we're using Evite or Punchbowl or some other electronic invite. Reason being most people are computer savvy and honestly due to the size of the shower 100+ people (its a co-ed shower) it just doesn't make sense to spend all that money on paper invitations.
Now with that being said we will do paper invites for those elderly family members but that should be no more than 20-30 invites if that.
It's a baby shower not a wedding! I just got married last April so I know how expensive paper invites are and its not worth it (in my opinion) when you're having a large shower or you're trying to cut cost.
Meh!...flame away *shrugs*
We used Evite for my shower as everyone was our age group and it's pretty much expected.
It's so convenient too. I feel it's only not ok to use Evite for a wedding or a big event like that.
The Bee Hive Blog
"So I sing a song of love, Julia"
06.10.10
BFAR:We Defined Our Own Success!
25 Weeks - GOAL MET 52.2 Pounds gone! 27 Weeks Total Pounds Lost: 54.0
For any gift-receiving occasion, which any shower is, an evite is tacky.
Backyard BBQ, sledding party, etc., no big deal.
Are you not going to have food at your baby shower as well as games or some other form of entertainment? If so then I think the food alone justifies the gift-giving not a cheap paper invitation which by the way you could have saved money used on that for more food for the shower or spend it on baby.
JMO...but as I said call it what you want its ONLY a baby shower its not a wedding.
This is easy. 1. If she is your SIL and so sweet, then I assume she won't be offended when you mention your concerns regarding e-vites. 2. If you are concerned about it being a finacial burden to ask her to purchase paper invites, then offer to buy them. Invites are NOT that expensive. You can even get cute ones from the dollar store. I don't think evites are tacky, but I think they are inconvenient for people that arent at their computers ie. like older people. 3.Or maybe just send paper invites to those that aren't on the computer all the time.
If you can't be bothered to send an actual invitation, why should people bother to bring a gift? We are talking about etiquette here. And I am not having a shower, I am having my second child. Nobody said they had to be fancy invitations, but SOME effort could be taken. An e-vite is just lazy. If I were to receive an e-vite for a shower, I would assume other tacky things are on the horizon, such as having to pay for my own meal.
I am curious where you guys who are pro-evite stand on thank you notes. Should the mom-to-be save the money and postage and just say "thanks" in person to the guests? Email thank you's? Just curiosity.
Oscar born October 2011
Miscarriage at 8 weeks (August 2013)
DD due September 1, 2014
This is true, but many etiquette "rules" are pretty standard, but they can evolve over time. Some are regional, but I think we can all agree to certain "rules"...like the use of thank you notes, always showing up to a party with a gift, not having to pay for your own meal at a shower, not throwing your own shower, etc. This is a board that is basically about etiquette and opinions about it. I just can't for a second believe that invitations are now optional.
As others have previously stated, for showers, I would mail an invite. If people will be giving you gifts, the least that can be done is to mail them the invitation, even if they are economical ones picked up at a dollar store or homemade ones (personally, I love homemade invites).
No flaming here, and congrats on your healthy baby!
My cousin is hosting my shower and she too, did E-vites. I felt the same way at first, a little confused as to what I thought others might think.. but then I realized that it's just a stupid invitation to a party that is going to be super fun and most of my family and friends who will be invited could care less about the style of invitation. HOWEVER, there are those few (grandparents, parents of life long friends, people who do not have email, etc) and I did ask her to please send them an actual hard copy invitation.
I would maybe suggest going through your list and seeing if you have any of those certain people.. other than that, sit back and relax. It is the 21st century.
Yes!
Anne Shirley- I think that is a little absurd. Pay for your own meal? C'mon now. That is kind of ridiculous to even "think" such a thing.I think you threw that a little over the top. hehe.
And as for the thank you notes. That to me, is a must. I already bought mine and have them ready!
However, I will say my "tackiness" will come out (flame away ladies) because I will ask each person to fill out their address (for the ones I do not already have). I know it is tacky, but honestly I do not have all of their addresses at hand (we just moved and I have NO idea where my addy book is) and I just have so much going on that I do not think asking for the address is going to kill me, or them. *sigh* I know, flammmme away.
Yea, that meal thing who would even think about it? (Isn't it on the front page of this board at least 5 times?)
HAHA, truth be told I did not see that ONCE until seconds after I posted this.... And I certainly commented on it.
Unfortunately, it shows up a lot around here. It is often DD'd so you might not be able to find them, but they are definitely around.
Congrats!!
I think the best thing to do - as already suggested on here - is to send out a mix. Let her know how much you appreciate everything she is doing for you. Then give her the email addresses of those people you know prefer internet communication or have concerns about the environment. And you can also give her the physical addresses of older or more traditional friends or relatives.
I agree with this. While I'd never do an e-vite, I know it can work and has been fine for some groups. Regardless, I feel that the possible ramifications of approaching your hostess are worse than sending out e-vites. You can only control your own actions and behavior. Are the e-vites a no-no? Yes, but it's not your mistake to make here. You could easily make a big mistake though approaching the hostess and ultimately, asking her to spend more money. Even if you offered to pay for them, it'd send the message that 'what she did wasn't good enough.'
www.cozylittlecave.com
I've received evites for all kinds of occasions and don't think less of it. For a formal event, I do think paper invites are in order. I consider a wedding a formal event. A shower is in a gray area, and for me, I don't think it matters. You'll always get some people that don't agree.
If you want to make sure that no one thinks less of you, but are willing to risk making your SIL feel bad, then bring it up to you SIL. You have to decide what is more important. Sorry that you have to deal with it for your shower.
Thanks for all the opinions, ladies! I just have to say, I have NEVER had a post with this many responses - not even my BFP. LOL. Dang, I must have been super boring before.
I posted earlier...but just wonder when reading through some of the "pro" responses how does one KNOW a guest got their evite? One pp seemed to think that because evites were sent you would somehow "know" a person got theirs and not have to worry about RSVP's? I don't understand how that works I guess.
BTW...I have received a couple of evites. One I deleted before I even read it and didn't find out what it was until after the fact (no one called when I didn't e-RSVP). The other one...i didn't know the person that well and just replied back "no". That was EASY to do and cheap (no phone call, not much time, etc).
How'd they get the invites, then? Why can't your hostess give you the addresses?
And yes, I will flame you for being too lazy to find your address book or get your family and friend's addresses another way.
You may have a lot going on in your life, but so do your shower guests. Yet they're taking an entire afternoon out of their weekend to come to your shower, AND not to mention the time shopping for a gift for you, wrapping it and picking out a card. And really, you can't put forth any effort to find their addresses? Sorry, I know its a flame, but that's lazy and ungrateful.
What are you going to do for people who don't come to your shower but send you a gift anyway?
They don't. The best the host can do is look at the list of invitees shows up on the side bar and use that as a call list for those who don't reply by the RSVP date.
The Bee Hive Blog
"So I sing a song of love, Julia"
06.10.10
BFAR:We Defined Our Own Success!
25 Weeks - GOAL MET 52.2 Pounds gone! 27 Weeks Total Pounds Lost: 54.0
To answer the original question of this post: tell your shower-thrower how you feel and maybe you all can come to a compromise.
Now to AnneShirleyBlythe you are obviously very old fashion..and that's YOU and your prerogative. I am very techie so to speak and so are people in my circle. So we can agree to disagree but I don't think you should be passing judgment and calling what someone else wants to do "tacky."
In regards to "thank yous" I thank a nice take away item with Thank you for attending or something to that effect on it is fine. I do have some card stock and I may just make a thank you and have them on the table for the guests. But any way you choose to do it thanking guest for coming as well as their gifts are a must! And its not tacky to not send thank you's but it is RUDE.
LOL you should probably read more on this board if you think people should not be passing judgment on what is tacky and not tacky. It is basically the whole point of this board. There are far more pearl-clutchier (old fashioned or whatever you choose to call it) people on this board than me, I think I am pretty liberal in what I would call tacky vs. "modern". Agree to disagree, but for most people rude=tacky. I don't see a difference. I really wonder what your definition of tacky is. So it is OK to pass judgment on what is rude and not rude but not what is tacky and not tacky?
I don't think invites and thank you cards fall into the same category at all. The invites are coming from the hostess of the party. The hostess is probably worrying about ways to cut down on the cost of the shower. The thanks you notes are required from the guest of honor because people came and spent all of that money on her. I really don't see how spending money on invites correlates to spending money on gifts but I do see it with thank you cards. Thank you cards and nice and personal, touching, etc. Invites are crappy pieces of paper that get thrown out once people mark down the date and time. Nine times out of ten people don't notice the theme or the color or the fancy envelope it came in, no one really cares.
Oh yeah. Don't bother making small changes if you don't go 110%. That's certainly how things get done... Good motto.