Being left to cry at daycare?

egsquared · March 2011

DD is 18 months, and I just went back to work almost two months ago. Until today, a SAHM friend of mine had been watching DD two days a week, and a baby sitter came to our house the rest of the week. DD had a hard time tranisitioning to this as expected since she'd been home with me for 16 months, but after a week or two, she did great.

We started DD at a small local daycare center today, and of course I expected some more tears (on both our parts). I called every couple hours and was told that DD was fine, that she cried a little bit every so often, but then played with toys, ate snacks, even slept for 2 hours! It sounded pretty good to me. My concern is that when I arrived to pick her up this afternoon, she was sitting in a corner, holding her lovey and crying. Like big time crying, and no one was doing anything to comfort her. I understand that now she's in a group setting and the teachers have more than one child to look after, but it broke my heart to see her sitting there like that. It didn't appear that any of the other children were upset or needed immediate attention, so I'm not sure why someone couldn't have been trying to comfort DD, especially since it was her first day. I did say something to the (head?) teacher who said that they do try to comfort her, but they weren't when I got there. Am I overreacting? Is this just part of how daycare is? It's making me nervous for tomorrow.

ppants · March 2011

I'd mention at drop off tomorrow that she was upset yesterday and offer some pointers about what can help calm her down. If the trend continues, I'd look for other care. I hope tomorrow goes better for you both!

jenny1980 · March 2011

There would have to be a damn good reason for that to have happened. That makes me so sad for your little girl, especially on her first day!

When DD transitioned to her daycare, we actually had to go with her the first three full days (it was a little overkill, but it was nice to observe how everything was handled) and I never once saw any child cry and not be attended to right away. If both teachers were occupied, they would at least be talking to the child and letting him/her know they were coming right over.

If a toddler was having a rough day, he/she would be in arms as much as needed.

What's the teacher/baby ratio?

egsquared · March 2011

jenny1980:

There would have to be a damn good reason for that to have happened. That makes me so sad for your little girl, especially on her first day!

When DD transitioned to her daycare, we actually had to go with her the first three full days (it was a little overkill, but it was nice to observe how everything was handled) and I never once saw any child cry and not be attended to right away. If both teachers were occupied, they would at least be talking to the child and letting him/her know they were coming right over.

If a toddler was having a rough day, he/she would be in arms as much as needed.

What's the teacher/baby ratio?

The ration is 1:4. It's less than what the state requires, so we felt good about that. Thanks ladies for your responses. DH is taking her this morning. I'll make sure he says something. If it happens again today, you can bet we'll be looking for other care.

LyndaCarter · March 2011

That would upset me. I crossed daycares off my possible list if I saw crying babies being ignored. Hope you get some good answers today.

One place I went to let a baby scream in her crib while the lady in the room was emptying trash cans. Seriously? Hold that screaming baby and comfort her. The trash can wait.

jenuine · March 2011

That would bother me as well. I'd talk with the lead teacher, then the director if you don't get an answer you are comfortable with.

Tears are expected the first week when they are that old, but in our center, the new kids spend the vast majority of the time in a teacher's lap until they are comfortable in the new environment. They also try to pair up an older kid in the class with a new one to show them the ropes.

Good luck. That should not happen. It's a good sign that she slept 2 hours and only cried on and off yesterday. Give us an update, ok?

emberlee3 · March 2011

I would not be cool with that. My son has been in DC since about 6 weeks. He had a hard time with the transition to the 1 year old room. His teachers held him and cuddled him when I dropped him off. And they were holding/cuddling him when I picked him up. He is usually fine at drop-off now, but the other day he was sad when I left, and he went right up to his teacher and climbed into her lap. I was so touched to see that he knows he can rely on his teachers for comfort. I know that the reason he is so comfortable there is that his teachers have always responded to his needs.

WinesNotWhines · March 2011

I'm kind of going through a similar situation with my 7-month old at daycare. At least one day a week when I go to pick him up, he's crying and not being comforted because the teachers are dealing with other kids. One of his teachers flat-out told me yesterday at pick-up that they have to let him cry sometimes if they're busy with other kids. I'm sure that would be the situation at any daycare though. I don't know if there's a great solution.

jenuine · March 2011

gtown_bride:
I'm kind of going through a similar situation with my 7-month old at daycare. At least one day a week when I go to pick him up, he's crying and not being comforted because the teachers are dealing with other kids. One of his teachers flat-out told me yesterday at pick-up that they have to let him cry sometimes if they're busy with other kids. I'm sure that would be the situation at any daycare though. I don't know if there's a great solution.

In her original post, she said that none of the other kids needed special attention while her LO cried. If teachers have 4 kids and 2 arms, they can really only tend to 2 babies/kids at a time and pray the other two are ok for that moment. Yes, when DD was little, she would have to cry for a couple extra minutes while other kids were comforted, but it was never long. It definitely wasn't while they took out the trash, as a PP said.

JOEBunny · March 2011

I am sure that it will get much better. I worked in the 18 mo old room at a daycare and some kids cry more when someone tries to comfort them. My DS is like that. He was in a program at the YMCA and when they tried to hold him at 18 months, he would go crazy, kicking and screaming, instead of just crying. I would ask the teachers what methods they use to comfort your LO and see how they answer. They should periodically try to include your DD and comfort her obviously, but I don't think not comforting her at a given moment is an obvious red flag by any means. I promise it will get better and your DD will thrive in daycare. Hugs.

jtwin1 · March 2011

I hope today went better for your DD! I work in a daycare with 1 yr. olds, so I know how tough starting at a new school can be. I know in my class I will hold kids or have them sit with me to try to help them get comfortable, or if I have to deal with other children I will talk to the child who is upset until I can get to them. (Our ratio is 1:6) Also, sometimes children do not want to be held or touched, when they are upset. I also always tell my parents it takes about 2 weeks for children to adjust, so just give it time, it will get better!!

egsquared · March 2011

Thanks for all the support ladies. Today seemed to go a little better. DH did drop off and restated that we were upset that DD had appeared to be just left there to cry. To the last two poster's points, they did say that DD gets more upset when they try to touch her or pick her up. DH said she cried when they got there and cried when he left. I called in the afternoon and they said she was doing better today and only cried one other time, and she even laughed. When DH picked her up early in the afternoon, all the kids were sitting at a table with their snack, and DD started crying when she saw DH - I think this is normal? Hoping yesterday was an isolated incident and that things keep getting better. But I'm still going to have my guard up for awhile to make sure DD is being well cared for.

jenny1980 · March 2011

I'm glad today went better! Definitely normal for them to cry when you pick them up--DD does this sometimes, too. They just get overwhelmed.

jtwin1 · March 2011

I am glad to hear that today went better! That is totally normal for children to get upset when they see their parents! It will get better just give it a couple weeks! Your DD just has to get use to the routine and get comfortable.

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