For those with DH's over 35yo - Sex Drive Question

sommerrayne · February 2011

So, my DH is 37 (just turned) and his sex drive has JUST TANKED. Like over the past few months. Last night he admits to me that he feels really weird, like SUPER LOW sex drive. He said, "I guess its true what they say - mine tanks as yours ramps up" (I'm 29).

I've never had a sex drive - THANKS PCOS! but I suddenly feel like....yucky because I don't want him to not want it (even though I've joked that nothing would be better and easier for me....clearly don't feel that way in reality).

Experiences?!

howleyshell · February 2011

My advice would be to not assume this is a long term thing.

Pregnancy and newborns take a toll on the sex drive for both of us.

Give him (and you) the chance to get thru STTN and quitting BF'ing (if you are) and then revisit it.

DH is 44 and is just as horney as ever but lord knows the sex life took a back seat with the 3rd trimester and birth of each kid.

I think for him a lot of it has to do with his activity level. If he's not working out, he's less interested. If he's working out too much he's less interested. If he's sleep deprived he's less interested. He needs just the right amount of exercise and sleep to balance his hormones in the horney department.

Back in the day none of that stuff mattered but now I see it impacting his libido.

howleyshell · February 2011

And when the HELL is this baby coming?!?!?!

(because I'm sure you're not sick of that question yet, right?)

schmoodle · February 2011

My DH is 40 and I've been with him since he was 32. He definitely doesn't initiate it as often as he used to, but I attribute it more to differences in our lives now than age, as well as just being together a long time. Yes, the first year or so he seemed to initiate a lot more, but then not only has he gotten older, but we graduated law school and started working long hours, then dealt with IF, couldn't do it while pregnant, etc.

This may not be helpful, sorry - I guess it's possible that it is partly due to age but not enough that I have noticed, we just always seem to be going through something that makes sex a low priority for the last 4-5 years so I never thought about it being anything else. And also never saw it as him having low drive, more that we're just exhausted and/or he knows we can't do it. Now that I can't period, it seems like his drive is up (typical, huh?).

BoxTer · February 2011

My DH is the same age as yours and is showing no signs of slowing down in the sex drive department! I wish I had half as much as he does!

laura&dan05 · February 2011

BoxTer:

My DH is the same age as yours and is showing no signs of slowing down in the sex drive department! I wish I had half as much as he does!

Ditto! My DH has a count down going to 6 weeks pp so we can have sex again. I just want a shower and some sleep!

itsmevkb · February 2011

My husband is about to turn 37 and will pretty much have sex whenever and wherever. Although, part of that could be that we've spent most of the past year to year and a half either not having sex because I was pregnant or only having sex when the timing was right due to his sperm issues. He's desperate.

Your DH should definitely speak to his doc about this. Perhaps his testosterone is low.

Dochas · February 2011

I practically need a cattle prod if I want to keep my DH away. While he is definitely not typical (he also needs ZERO recovery time and can just go repeatedly) I don't think it's true that you just lose it at a magic age. Maybe he's just tired. If it persists I would encourage him, gently, to check it out. You don't want there to be an underlying problem that's ignored.

GypsyEsq · February 2011

DH and I are 11 years apart. I'm 34, he's 45. We've been together since I was 27...hmm, no 26, shoot I don't remember. 9 years...so 25? Anyway he's always been over 35 LOL. And honestly, it ebbs and flows. He's had times where he's been a horndog and times when he could take it or leave it. After IF and through pregnancy we had a great sex life. Now with a bedsharing toddler, eh not so much. But, I think it's great that your DH has even said something, usually I'm the one who has to sort of say "hey, what's (not) up?" Give it some time. My guess is it'll come back.

crystalgirl · February 2011

howleyshell:

My advice would be to not assume this is a long term thing.

Pregnancy and newborns take a toll on the sex drive for both of us.

Give him (and you) the chance to get thru STTN and quitting BF'ing (if you are) and then revisit it.

DH is 44 and is just as horney as ever but lord knows the sex life took a back seat with the 3rd trimester and birth of each kid.

I think for him a lot of it has to do with his activity level. If he's not working out, he's less interested. If he's working out too much he's less interested. If he's sleep deprived he's less interested. He needs just the right amount of exercise and sleep to balance his hormones in the horney department.

Back in the day none of that stuff mattered but now I see it impacting his libido.

If mine is sleep-deprived, he's MORE interested. He's crazy. I do see a change relative to his health, though.

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