- Pregnancy
- Baby & Toddler
- Parents
- Getting Pregnant
- Baby Names
- Product Reviews
-
Registry
- Community
-
More
Want a personalized experience?
Download the free app
Multiples
nikinikinine
member
anyone hate breastfeeding and quit?
nikinikinine
member
in Multiples
I guess the title pretty much sums up the post.
I was told the first six weeks were the hardest and I got through them and here we are.
My DD still fights me on the latch 3 out of 8 feeds a day, my DS happily nurses but he's aggressive and sometimes it hurts. They are both spitting up like mad these days and are both dealing with gas issues. I must change our sheets 5 times a week because a kid will spit up so hard that they overshoot the burp cloth and hit our bed.
I tandem feed sometimes, but they seem to distract each other or I'm dealing with one falling off and then having to try to relatch them with one hand.
It's hard enough to feed two kids every three hours, but even more exhausting when they fall off schedule with one another.
Last week we had to travel due to a death in the family and breastfeeding felt so isolating. The babies mostly took bottles and I found myself in the parking lot of a funeral home pumping by myself, or pumping in a guest bedroom at my IL's house, meanwhile everyone was in the kitchen eating pizza. I got to come out and microwave my dinner and eat alone.
I'm not comfortable nursing in public, so I either pack a bottle for them and keep the roundtrip to 4 hours or less (basic errands, maybe two stops) or I don't go out. With the weather getting nicer I feel like I don't want to be trapped inside by nursing the babies.
Lastly, I started working out again and I feel like I'm ready to have my body back. My boobs had a life of their own and nearly knocked me unconscious during spin class on Monday.
But I feel so guilty. Aside from some issues with blocked ducts and milk blisters, I haven't had it too hard. I have enough supply to feed both babies. I'm not even sure that switching to formula would make life easier, but I can't help feeling like it would at least make feedings more predictable and easier to do at the same time.
Anyone go through this?
This discussion has been closed.
Re: anyone hate breastfeeding and quit?
I give you soooo much credit for making it this far. I couldn't nurse the twins (after all the bottles they had in NICU I could never get them to latch) so I pumped for months. Part of me wishes I was able to nurse them but I know it would have been super hard.
I got pregnant with our 3rd and my milk pretty much dried up when they were 6 months and life was a lot easier. Cleaning bottles and making formula stinks and it was easier to nurse the singleton but it would have been very tough with twins. It was nice was to have my body back (even if I was pg).
Anyway, you have to do what works for you and what keeps you sane. Having babies is so hard and getting sleep is key to being a normal person that can cope with it all. There is nothing to feel guilty about, you gave it your all and it's just not working out for you.
Yes, breast milk is good but a happy, healthy mommy is even more in important. You want to look back at this time and remember how wonderful it was to be with your babies (not that you were miserable because of breast feeding). And I don't feel anymore bonded to the baby that bf than the ones that didn't.
I will be honest, I didn't make it out of the hospital before I decided that breastfeeding wasn't for me. I gave the babies the colostrum in the hospital at which time the nurses told me that I needed to pump every 2 - 3 hours around the clock if I wanted my milk to come in and to have adequate supply. I was already tired and I knew then that it wasn't going to happen because I know what I'm like without any sleep. I also wasn't comfortable breastfeeding in front of people, so I ended up using formula in the hospital when people were visiting even before I made my final decision.
Using formula has allowed DH and I to work shifts so we can both get a little sleep. He's a night person and does the 8 and 11 feedings and stays on watch until 2 am when I get up and take over. In the end, this has worked best for our family. The babies are perfectly healthy and growing well.
never feel badly for doing what you need to do to maintain sanity.
formula is just fine for babies - my boys actually did better on it (less gas, less reflux, etc)... and nothing is better for babies than a happy mama.
I EP'd for Griffin for 2 months - and then had to stop- i couldn't take it anymore and wanted my body back. I hated worrying that things i was eating were bothering him, hated that i couldn't take meds when i got a migraine, etc.
with the twins my goal was to EP for at least 2 months, too --- and i lasted 4 weeks, and that was only b/c DH was home with me all that time- i wanted to stop at 2 weeks when i got mastitis and was tired of spending all that time pumping.
Both times I started nursing in the hospital but went to EPing b/c I just wasn't crazy about nursing - i liked the control bottle feeding gave me - knowing how much they ate, others being able to feed them, etc..... but wanted them to have my milk so I EP'd...
once i quit life got sooo much better- less stressful, etc. I have never felt guilt for stopping.
FWIW- my SIL nursed both her kids for a year each... both were sick all the time. My sister FF from day one with her 2 kids and they were NEVER sick - even when they got to school age- hardly ever sick at all..... so breast milk is not the magic the media likes to make you think it is --- sure, it's good - but it's not NEEDED - esp when it's making mommy miserable.
I give you credit for making it through the first 6 weeks. I lasted about 2 weeks trying to bf, pump, and supplement. We had latch issues as well and a consultant visited our house. By the time she left both babies were screaming and I started to cry as well. That was it. I went to pumping 4 times per day and supplementing. I eneded up giving them about 50% of their intake in breast milk and the other 50% in formula until they were 3 months. I thought that was pretty good.
I also didn't really enjoy breast feeding - it felt mostly like fighting to me and none of us was enjoying it. You've given it a good run and if it's not working for you then maybe it is time to let it go. I remember that even when they were 3 months and I was weaning myself from pumping I did feel a little guilty about it. But I got over it and they are doing great. Also a word of warning - the body you get back will not likely be the one you're used to! Especially in the breast area but that is always to be expected with having children. Make the decision that is right for you and if you're happy your babies will be happy!
I was never able to get my boys to latch so I was only able to pump but I also didn't last long, just a couple of weeks. I completely agree about feeling isolated. When my boys were in the NICU, I was so lucky and happy when I would finally be allowed to hold them and I was always so upset when I had to interrupt that time to go and pump in the pumping room. I was so torn between wanting to provide the best for them and wanting to spend time with them when I already felt that the time I had was so limited. I felt like I was ruled by the pump because I was struggling with supply and was trying desperately to get my milk to come in. Of course, it was also exhausting pumping throughout the night, etc..
Anyway, due to a number of these issues, I started formula feeding and although I can't say for sure since I didn't breastfeed/pump longer, I personally felt like we were able to do so much more because I was formula feeding. We took our boys all over last summer, we went on all kinds of day trips etc.. It was so nice to just be able to fill up a couple sassy powder containers, some bottles pre-filled with water and go. I could sit between them in the car and feed them or feed them pretty much anywhere. (I also am not a person who would have been comfortable trying to breastfeed twins in public but props to those who are!) It was so great for us to be able to get out and resume some of our old way of life, I felt like it made the exhausting and frustrating times so much more manageble. You have to do what is best for you and they will be completely fine whatever you choose to do!!
Ugh..yes I felt this way. I almost quit multiple times.
First- good for you that your supply is sufficient. I always had to supplement in addition to nursing.
Everytime I thought about quitting, I always wondered if I stopped and FF if it would still be hard, and I would regret it. It was torture. My friend had twins and felt the same way...she quit after 6 weeks and told me she regretted it, so I think that helped me to push through.
I felt very isolated at times too...I never really pumped though. Because my supply was low, the girls had a btter chance of getting mostly BM if they nursed. I hated being at family functions during the summer and constantly leaving to go nurse while everyone was having fun.. it sucked.
I think what helped me most was short term goals. I said I would get to three months and then decide...I got to three and decided to go to 6. At 6 months I replaced some nursing sessions with formula. Then on my way to 9 months I decided I was ready to be done at 9 months. So I replaced my last session on Monday.
I know it's really hard....I guess ultimately I pushed through because I knew that the BM was best for the girls, and because they had some problems in the beginning (they behaved like preemies- acted more like 35 weekers), I felt like I owed it to them to give them the best so they could catch up. (That's what helped motivate ME....I don't want to make you feel guilty). Also it was something I really wanted to do, so I wanted to keep that promise to myself - if that makes sense. Ultimately, as much as it sucked sometimes, it was worth it. There are so many tender moments with BF that didn't happen with supplementiing. Having done both, it's a different experience.
You'll know what is best for you and for your family, and you'll make the right decision for you. Hang in there!!!
not creepy at all, it's part of the reason I blog! It helps me think things out and process what's happening in my life and hopefully it helps someone else.
good luck with your pregnancy and nursing too. Everything is hard and easy in its own way (if that makes sense??)
this is what I keep telling myself. Thanks for your response, I definitely need to focus on shorter term goals because another 19 weeks is daunting. Congrats on making it to 9 months, that's so HUGE and requires so much sacrifice. Amazing.
I also agree about the little goals. Tell yourself you can quit on X date. You might decide to go further or you might just be done. Either one is totally fine. Your kids need a mother and not just a food source.
I wanted to BF but the girls would never latch. So I EPd. And I quit at 7 weeks. I don't regret quitting the pump. It was awful. I do feel bad that I wasn't able to successfully BF, though. But in the end, it all worked out. My girls have had a minor cold twice, never a fever and have been really healthy despite the formula.
GL!
After 2 rounds of IVF & 2 rounds of FET, we were blessed with identical twin girls!
I gave it up at 6 weeks. I supplemented from day one and never produced more than 2-3 ounces total during a pump. I could have put mroe effort in (fenugreek tasted nasty and I could have pumped round the clock), but I couldn't take it. I was exhausted and around 6 weeks I stopped having 24/7 help from our mothers. I already felt at that point that I hadn't become this super bfeeder, and those first weeks were the most important - what was the point to become 10% bfeed by like 4 months? As I said, I was exhausted and an emotional wreck as a result and it was better for me and them to have a more sane mommy.
I felt HORRIBLE over it, however. DH was very supportive, as was our moms, but I felt like I was letting them down. I had it in my head, desptie it being twins, that I would bfeed for many months. However, truth be told twins or not, it takes a lot more time and more out of you than I was EVER led to believe.
once I stopped and a week or two went by, let me tell you, I didn't look back and it was a great decision.
Also, I reserached at the time and determiend for myself that many of the good reasons why you should bfeed were a little exaggerated, in my opinion. Most of the reasons are becuase "it may help" not because studies have actually proven all this stuff.
My turning point was somewhere in weeks 7-8. At that point, suddenly, all three of us had the hang of it. Before that, it was hell and I had to take it week by week. By starting at week 8 or so, I enjoyed it. Suddenly I found it super easy (though, I was OK with BFing in public--do you have a nursing cover?), and I felt that the babies were doing great, etc.
Then I went back to work and had to start pumping during the days. I HATED/HATE pumping with the fire of 10,000 sons. It is vile. And it f-ed up my supply, so I was pumping not just to meet their needs, but also to try to build back up my supply. It was miserable. Slowly I started weaning such that I could nurse them in the morning and at night and they'd take formula during that day. That's where we are now--I nurse AM and night, and don't pump at all any more (unless I'm traveling for work). I will warn you that it has officially killed my supply--I have to supplement even in the AM and at night, so they're really not getting a ton of breastmilk anymore. But I really appreciate both that I don't feel like I'm chained to a pump, and that we still get a little bit of the benefits of nursing. My babies both really like the morning and night nursings, especially the night.
Do what feels right for you.
Warning, though: I only breastfeed twice a day now, and my boobs are still as enormous as ever.
I definitely think that short term goals are key. I don't know how long I'll ultimately EBF for... right now my goal is 6 months. I breastfeed mainly for 2 reasons 1) I'm cheap and 2) I'm lazy (just whipping out the boob is easier than preparing a bottle & cleaning bottles). If those reasons were gone I don't know what I would choose. It can be tough breastfeeding 2. I've had no supply issues and it hasn't ever been physically painful to me so I'd probably feel guilty if I quit (I think family would make me feel a little guilty about it too).
When we are at family functions I don't pump. I take the girls with me into a different room and feed them. If I was in a room pumping alone I think I would feel really lonely. Instead it feels like a nice break with my girls. A few minutes of quiet time just the three of us.
Ultimately, I say do what you need to do to be happy.
There were lots of times I hated it. Cried and cried w/ frustration, felt isolated, all of it. But I'm stubborn as hell... part of my motivation was all the people who thought I couldn't do it. I wanted to be able to say I breast fed twins exclusively, and that's what I got!! They don't even like bottles... boobs only, LOL. Now I'm gad I stuck thru it. Can't stand the idea of messing w/ bottles and formula. We save so much $$, and it's sooo easy to just whip out the boob right away when they fuss.
Breast feeding twins = hardest yet BEST job I've ever had
I agree that you need to make very short term goals i.e. get through this day, get through this week. It does get easier. Maybe you can start feeding them one at a time if tandem isn't working so well. Yes it does take a little bit more time but if it allows them to eat better and for you to spend a little more one on one time with them then it's worth it.
What bothers you about nursing in public? What I do is bring a nursing cover with me just in case I do need to nurse in public but I sure try to avoid it as much as possible by feeding them right before I leave and keeping my trips short. If I do have to feed them I take them into a fitting room or feed them in my vehicle.
Try to make it work, you might end up regretting quitting when you are trying to keep up with all the bottle making, formula mixing, bottle cleaning, stinky formula poop, etc.
Lastly, don't feel guilty if you do end up switching to formula because you have given them several weeks of breastmilk and that's awesome! GL and hang in there!
This. I shut down the dairy on day 3. It only took one session with the pump and being told I had to do that 20 minutes a day, 8 times a day to say "no thanks". I didn't get to meet with an LC for real until day 3 anyway, and neither baby was too interested in latching at that point. They did come to me in recovery but we were all too doped up to really do anything.
I thought I'd have more regrets about it, but I have zero. I love having a day's worth of bottles in the fridge that take a few minutes to warm. After feeling like my body was possessed for nearly 10 months, I wanted it back. I was afraid I wouldn't lose any weight but I've got 8 lbs to go and I haven't really had to do that much to get the previous 52 lbs off.
FF was absolutely 100% the right choice for our family.
I totally understand this as well.
this is basically me now. My nursing sessions decreased when I went back to work at 3 months. I gave up the pump at 9 months. Zoey didn't nurse much at all (bad latch). Abby stopped nursing at 10 months. Lucas is still nursing in the mornings and will probably be weaned by 12 months.
I made it as far as I did because I really wanted to and was committed to the idea of breastfeeding/breastmilk. And I had lots of good support so that I could pump and know the babies were being taken care of. But it has definitely been freeing to give up the pump!
I think you should be proud of doing what you've done, and make a decision based on what's best for EVERYONE (including YOU!). Happy mama = happy babies. Try not to think of it as "quitting." That has such a negative connotation! Just think of it as "time to stop," or "time to move on," or whatever. I think it will be hard at first (because you'll be thinking of it in terms of them missing out on health benefits, etc.) but I think you'll quickly realize that it was the right decision if it makes you happier and makes life easier.
GL!
My situation was different b/c my father was very ill & dying in a different state so my emotional state of mind was even crazier than the norm & I traveled several times in their first 8 weeks....and, at 2 weeks my milk still hadnt come in & when I pumped I'd get like 1 or 2 oz... so when I went to my 2 or 3 week follow up visit, my OB said to me- "groovygrl, I am giving you 'permission' to stop if that is what you need- someone to tell you it is ok... It is not working for you, it is important not to put any more stress/pressure on yourself and you have given them the colostrum & good stuff already and you should not feel guilty if you choose not to continue." I never looked back, to be honest. A miserable mom makes for a miserable baby even if the baby is getting breast milk. It's just not for everyone & even more complicated with twins. Don't feel bad if you decide to stop.
GL!
You've done a great job and whatever you decide to do is best for you and the babies. Happy Mom=Happy Family!
I too was lucky and didn't deal with many issues while nursing the girls or my son. Even without issues there were many days I just wanted it to be done. It's a lot of work (as you know!). Every time I thought of giving up I would get irritated thinking that I didn't make it through all of the tough times just to stop. That's what kept me going. I guess I am slightly stubborn and also a little cheap. Sad but true. We were able to make it a year but I ended it at one year. I was done!
I promise you that if you decide to stick with it, it really does get so much easier. I dragged that nursing pillow everywhere with me and found some crazy places to nurse when I was out without having to nurse in public. I too can't handle being cooped up in the house everyday. It does get easier to nurse in public as the babies get better at tandem nursing.
Good luck with whatever you decide.