anyone else superstitious about attending wake/funerals?

bridgeybride · February 2011

I have this thing about not wanting to attend a wake/funeral being pregnant... I think it is a Greek/Italian thing.. and I'm not either.. I'm Irish American!!!

My mom died 8 years ago.. one of my colleagues later told me that she couldn't come to the wake b/c she was pregnant... I didn't understand at the time, but then two of my best friends who were with me for the three days of wake/funeral... both mc a month later at close to 12 weeks.

My mom's godfather (92)..adorable great uncle died yesterday. I want to go to his wake/funeral to pay respect.. but I'm a bit freaked out... and sound like a crazy person. We weren't close or anything, but I feel like I should go b/c it would have meant something to my mom. I think my family will think i'm nuts... but I figured I could get some support from some of you?? My DH supports me either way, which is good. He said my sisters think I'm nuts already!!! (neither of them have had mc.)

Gummybear · February 2011

I've never heard that and I'm Italian! I actually look at it the other way death=new life, so when someone's soul leaves the earth I take it as a sign that a new one will enter. But I understand if you are nervous.

SockMonkeySam · February 2011

Not at all. My uncle died of a Fatal heart attack on Feb 11th and I was at his wake and funeral on Feb 14 & 15th.

No superstition would keep me from saying goodbye from a loved one.

shaysmom05 · February 2011

I'm superstitious when it comes to things like spilling salt or breaking a mirror. (Just something I grew up with.) I don't have any superstitions about funerals causing m/c, though. Miscarriages happen for various reasons, but paying respects for the dead is not one of them.

I say go.

kilissa · February 2011

DH's little sister died on January 9th. Her funeral was on January 15th and there is nothing that would have kept me away. No superstition should stand in the way of saying goodbye to a loved one.

DowagerCountessofNJ · February 2011

I've never heard of this and I'm Italian. I'm attending a viewing tonight and funeral mass tomorrow.

damabo80 · February 2011

I'm Italian and have never heard of that. The best parties are at weddings and funerals Wink

Keep in mind, the funerals aren't for the dead, they are to show support for the living.

Would you go to the funeral if you weren't KUed? If so, then you should go to the funeral.

If there was a proven link between attending funerals and miscarrying, it would be on the sheet your OB gives you of what not to do while PG:

1) Don't smoke

2) Don't drink

3) Don't attend funerals

To date, I have never seen such a list, and your fear is irrational. I agree with your sisters on this one.

HeatherPB1020 · February 2011

I am Jewish... and not going to a cemetery while pregnant is a Jewish superstition. Its just one among many pregnancy superstitions. I am not sure how I feel about it.

jr63_2020 · February 2011

I'm Italian and I've heard the superstition that it's bad luck to go to a funeral if you're pg. I never heard of the m/c link, though...just general bad luck. And again, it's superstition...so it just depends if you buy into it or not, like a chain letter or something.

bridgeybride · February 2011

I guess I should clarify that I'm not close to him at all, but I just feel like my mom would have wanted me to go to pay respect.. its the right thing to do.. etc... I don't really know his family at all.. they were my mom's cousins..

If it were someone close to me.. I would definitely go and get over my fear... but it isn't like I consider him a "loved one" close to me...

Jessicaanne_1@yahoo.com · February 2011

damabo80:
I'm Italian and have never heard of that. The best parties are at weddings and funerals

Keep in mind, the funerals aren't for the dead, they are to show support for the living.

Would you go to the funeral if you weren't KUed? If so, then you should go to the funeral.

If there was a proven link between attending funerals and miscarrying, it would be on the sheet your OB gives you of what not to do while PG:

1) Don't smoke

2) Don't drink

3) Don't attend funerals

To date, I have never seen such a list, and your fear is irrational. I agree with your sisters on this one.

This!

martinimomma · February 2011

I am also Italian and this is a new one on me. But I think you should do whatever makes you comfortable. Is there a lunch after the funeral you could attend?

Nicks10 · February 2011

I've never heard of this one. I've never been in this situation either, but my mom was pregnant with me when my dad died and she was clearly at the center of that funeral, and I'm here to tell the story, so if it were me I'd probably go and not worry about it.

itsmegin · February 2011

Sorry to be mean but, I think that is silly superstition. There is absolutely no correlation between your friends miscarrying and going to the wake/funeral. They were being compassionate and kind, there's no inherent punishment in that.

I think it would be pretty mean of you not to go because you are afraid it will cause a miscarriage. Your family needs you there for support.

bridgeybride · February 2011

itsmegin:

Sorry to be mean but, I think that is silly superstition. There is absolutely no correlation between your friends miscarrying and going to the wake/funeral. They were being compassionate and kind, there's no inherent punishment in that.

I think it would be pretty mean of you not to go because you are afraid it will cause a miscarriage. Your family needs you there for support.

I actually am kind of offended by what you said ..bc as I said earlier.. he was 92 years old.. and I wasn't close with him, nor do I really know his kids and their families..they wouldn't even know if I didn't go... we would see him every couple of years..if that (it is a HUGE Irish Catholic family) He was an adorable old man and I'm sorry he died, but my family isn't devastated and doesn't "need me there for support." If I do go.. it is more for obligation to my own mother (who would go if she were alive) and out of respect for him. I'm just freaked out to be around a dead body at the wake. I may just go the mass at the church..and/or luncheon and his family won't even realize that I'm there. I'm finding from my "real life" friends that it is more of Jewish tradition and they've told me that they would rather do shiva at someone's house..and agree with me.. they wouldn't go to the wake if they were pregnant. (and they haven't already miscarried a baby.)

damabo80 · February 2011

bridgeybride:
itsmegin:

Sorry to be mean but, I think that is silly superstition. There is absolutely no correlation between your friends miscarrying and going to the wake/funeral. They were being compassionate and kind, there's no inherent punishment in that.

I think it would be pretty mean of you not to go because you are afraid it will cause a miscarriage. Your family needs you there for support.

I actually am kind of offended by what you said ..bc as I said earlier.. he was 92 years old.. and I wasn't close with him, nor do I really know his kids and their families..they wouldn't even know if I didn't go... we would see him every couple of years..if that (it is a HUGE Irish Catholic family) He was an adorable old man and I'm sorry he died, but my family isn't devastated and doesn't "need me there for support." If I do go.. it is more for obligation to my own mother (who would go if she were alive) and out of respect for him. I'm just freaked out to be around a dead body at the wake. I may just go the mass at the church..and/or luncheon and his family won't even realize that I'm there. I'm finding from my "real life" friends that it is more of Jewish tradition and they've told me that they would rather do shiva at someone's house..and agree with me.. they wouldn't go to the wake if they were pregnant. (and they haven't already miscarried a baby.)

I thought itsmegin was quite nice in her response. I'm sorry that you didn't like what she had to hear, but it sounds like you are only trolling for opinions who match yours.

Here's the thing....you pretty much asked "Can I get out of going to a funeral since I'm KUed." The answer is "no".

Now, I see that you're backtracking to make it sound like your mom doesn't need you there, it's pointless to go, and even calling upon Jewish traditions to make you feel better about yourself (unless you're Jewish, your arguement doesn't hold water).

Once I again, I ask:

"If you weren't KUed, would you go to the funeral?" It's really a simple yes or no answer.

If the answer is "yes", then go. Being KUed doesn't give you license to get out of attending everything that you don't want to attend (or else I wouldn't be at work right now).

If the answer is "no", then don't go. But don't hide behide the contents of your ute as justification. Because that is just beyond lame.

bridgeybride · February 2011

damabo80:
bridgeybride:
itsmegin:

Sorry to be mean but, I think that is silly superstition. There is absolutely no correlation between your friends miscarrying and going to the wake/funeral. They were being compassionate and kind, there's no inherent punishment in that.

I think it would be pretty mean of you not to go because you are afraid it will cause a miscarriage. Your family needs you there for support.

I actually am kind of offended by what you said ..bc as I said earlier.. he was 92 years old.. and I wasn't close with him, nor do I really know his kids and their families..they wouldn't even know if I didn't go... we would see him every couple of years..if that (it is a HUGE Irish Catholic family) He was an adorable old man and I'm sorry he died, but my family isn't devastated and doesn't "need me there for support." If I do go.. it is more for obligation to my own mother (who would go if she were alive) and out of respect for him. I'm just freaked out to be around a dead body at the wake. I may just go the mass at the church..and/or luncheon and his family won't even realize that I'm there. I'm finding from my "real life" friends that it is more of Jewish tradition and they've told me that they would rather do shiva at someone's house..and agree with me.. they wouldn't go to the wake if they were pregnant. (and they haven't already miscarried a baby.)

I thought itsmegin was quite nice in her response. I'm sorry that you didn't like what she had to hear, but it sounds like you are only trolling for opinions who match yours.

Here's the thing....you pretty much asked "Can I get out of going to a funeral since I'm KUed." The answer is "no".

Now, I see that you're backtracking to make it sound like your mom doesn't need you there, it's pointless to go, and even calling upon Jewish traditions to make you feel better about yourself (unless you're Jewish, your arguement doesn't hold water).

Once I again, I ask:

"If you weren't KUed, would you go to the funeral?" It's really a simple yes or no answer.

If the answer is "yes", then go. Being KUed doesn't give you license to get out of attending everything that you don't want to attend (or else I wouldn't be at work right now).

If the answer is "no", then don't go. But don't hide behide the contents of your ute as justification. Because that is just beyond lame.

I can't believe your response.. I'm not trolling for opinions.. I was looking for support ..not criticism and being called silly. Going to a wake/funeral/ being around dead people while I'm pregnant is a something which makes me very uncomfortable, which I thought people on this board would understand...some of whom do.. It doesn't matter whether or not I'm Jewish.. it is what I feel and something I believe.

If you read any of the posts.. you'd know that my mother is DEAD... so she really doesn't "need me there" at the wake. I would still be on the fence about going even if I wasn't pregnant.. but again.. feel that if my mother were alive, I'd feel a sense of obligation to go. This is my last comment.

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