i'm thinking about having what we in the south like to call a "come to jesus talk" with my mom. she has never been one to stick to my 3 year old daughters schedule (to say the least). everytime they keep her she gets mcdonalds (fine in moderation - but not all the time like they do), she never naps with them and they don't even offer to take her to the restroom when they're in a public place (so no potty - no hand-washing, nothing). today my mom left the house with my daughter (i was at work) and i couldn't reach for 2 hours. we honestly had no idea where they had gone. once when she was still in diapers they kept one on her for 7 hours straight. she has an amazing time with my parents - i guess because they never say no. but when she comes home after being with them she fights us like never before and it's really the only time she acts out of character. this usually ends up with me being upset at the situation and feeling helpless and out of control. the stress after they drop her off completely overshadows any good the alone time may have given me. i know grandparents will spoil (they're supposed to, right?) but she never behaves this way after my FIL or MIL keep her (they live apart). if i go more than a couple weeks between visits they demand to see her and then i feel like i have to lie about how much time she gets with her other grandparents.
now that we have another baby coming along i feel like this is going to be a vicious cycle. i know they won't be keeping the baby for a long time (just like i did with my daughter) but i don't think i can continue to let this go.
how can i address this? and should i even try to? anyone been here before?