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September 2011 Moms
becasmeca
member
Tell me Mamas: Why do you want to be a Parent?
becasmeca
member
I have been thinking lately why people want to have children. I have spent the better of eight years in graduate school so naturally my research skills would not yield to my personal life. As I was delving into peer reviewed articles.. I was not seeing anything satisfying that would silent my thoughts of why I or anyone want to have children. PLEASE tell me your story!
I find myself in my "adult life" living my vision of the education, marriage, house, dogs, the pool, now a baby. This vision has endlessly ran through my mind since i was eight years old. Even though the sequences of events are par of my desired "mental tape"...I challenge myself to think outside of the scholarly box and really identify why I want to be a mom. As a researcher I have devoted my studies to attachment---in fact, the theory itself turns me on to the point I cannot shut off my brain to more possible studies! I love familial dynamics, communication, conflict resolution, consistentsy of availability of loved ones, and so on.. I love the "text book" "research" confounds of interpersonal relationships that I may have forgotten reality and true emotions. Anyone out there have any thoughts of how I can lighten up and get in touch with the little girl who wanted to be a mommy soooo bad?
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Re: Tell me Mamas: Why do you want to be a Parent?
LOL! This is great!
To OP, I'm not sure if this is anything someone can specifically give you the answer for. I'm sure part of it is ingrained in us in terms of nurture AND nature.
Some people want to feel the amazingness of producing another person and having the "family" experience. The answer may simply be, they want it because they want it. I think even asking this question you are trying to get to something very deep that might not be able to be answered on a message board. Maternal instinct may play a role here.
You may be more successful in identifying why people want children if you ask people who don't why they don't want children. Or even starting smaller with the question and not so - final survey/focus group session question.
FOr me big family I loved it and wanted it.
I was a total f-ed up teen. Like your nightmare...but at 18 I figured out I am meant to be a wife and a mom. Total cheeseball...but true and gave me a purpose and comfort.
Then went thru IF and had this obsession to beat it that somehow increased the desire.
br
LMAO
I'm the oldest of 6. When you grow up like me, one of two extremes happens: (a) you either grow up and want a decent sized family because that is what you are used to and you were very happy with the way you grew up OR (b) you hate kids and want nothing to do with them EVER lol.
Well obviously i'm category A. I love kids. I love them when they're babies because they're so soft and they smell good and you are their whole world. I love them when they're toddlers (have a brother who just turned 2) because it's amazing how their little minds work and their unconditional love is just incredible. you are still their whole world. School-age is great because they're minds are like sponges still and they learn all sorts of cool stuff that you completely forgot about learning in school. High school is what it is and let's just leave it at that LOL and then they go to college, get married and give you grandbabies to play with again lol. Plus DH (especially DH) and I have so much love to give (not a whole lot of money or material objects, mostly love) why keep all of that to ourselves???
THIS too. I have focused more on the need/want to be a wife and mom that I never graduated college. I couldn't decide what I wanted to "do". This has always been what I wanted to do and while part of me knows that one day i'll regret not following through on getting my degree the other part of my knows that i'll be perfectly happy with my life as a wife and mom and that will outweigh any concerns i have about not blowing so much money (or having more freaking debt than i already have) on getting that degree. It's just always been what i've wanted to do. and yes, i have had people look down on me for it but i've never EVER been one to give a crap about what others think of me.
Hm... interesting question!
My reasons: I grew up an only child and always knew I would have a family (+2/3) and be a mom one day. Never had any doubt. In fact, my friends used to call me Mamma Kettel bc I was always taking care of them. I did however want to finish college (check), become a professional & certified interpreter (check), married & house (check) THEN family. I was insistant that we be in the right place before starting a family. Then experiencing IF difficulties cemented the fact that I was supposed to be a mom and that we would have a family. I knew we just had to beat this- and so far so good!! :-)
Thank you to everyone who chimed in today! it was really great to hear all of your different reasons!!! Gave me food for thought! Hopefully my maternal instinct will kick in soon!