Advice please (NBRF)

twinkl5379 · February 2011

My grandma just passed away this week unexpectedly. I am sad about the news of course, but I wasn't close to her. In fact, I haven't seen her in at least 10 years, and she only lived an hour away from where I grew up.

Now I live 1,000 miles from home and would have to fly back for the funeral. Last minute prices aren't cheap. Even with the discount for bereavement it would be about $700 for me to fly from where I live now or $500 out of Minneapolis, which is 4 hrs away.

If I went this route, I'd want to H to join b/c I don't want to make the 4 hr drive alone each way. That is $1,000 in tickets alone.

Both of my parents say not to worry about it b/c they don't want me to spend that kind of $ on getting there. (if they could afford it, I know they'd pay for the ticket, but they can't right now.)

I don't really feel the need to go b/c I don't like funerals (I know, who does) and sadly, I just wasn't close to her. But I kind of feel guilty. I'm hoping to hear if my other cousins from out-of-state are going; I kind of doubt they are b/c they weren't close either.

Is it terrible of me not to go?

pattismartcoshi · February 2011

If you are ok with not going, then that should be your answer. Don't ever do things because you are worried about what others may think. Thats a lot of money, and besides, why would you want the first time you see your grandma in ten years to be when shes dead.I say, share a few memories of your gram with your hubs at home, make a dinner that reminds you of her, or something like that.

CurlyQ284 · February 2011

I don't think so, people realize that last minute airfare from far.away is extremely expensive. Call a florist in the town and pay for a nice arrangement for the funeral. That's what I would do.

rayres · February 2011

CurlyQ284:
I don't think so, people realize that last minute airfare from far.away is extremely expensive. Call a florist in the town and pay for a nice arrangement for the funeral. That's what I would do.

I agree about sending flowers. The funeral is really for the survivors and you have your memories from earlier, so I would stay home and remember her how she was.

J&A2008 · February 2011

You don't have to go. If you're feeling badly about it, then go. There would be nothing wrong with you making a four hour drive alone and it might be good for you.

WickedCoolSM · February 2011

I agree-you don't have to go. Sending something-a card, a story about a time you remember with her, a donation, flowers... is enough. That's a long drive and the $ on the flights is crazy!

kellibelli04 · February 2011

I was very close to my grandmother and didn't go to her funeral. I was teaching overseas at the time and was in the same boat- the flights were very expensive. Mimi had suffered from Alzheimer's for a long time so I had said my good-byes. I think that if you weren't close and your mom says it's okay, send the flowers.

Littlejen22 · February 2011

Only you can decide if you will be ok with it after the funeral but since you were not close I am sure you will be fine from that point of view...BUT, will you be ok with not being there for your parent who is burying their parent? Would you want your child there with you for your parent's funeral? But if you cannot afford it that needs to be considered. I could not imagine letting my Mom or Dad go through that without me.

twinkl5379 · February 2011

Thanks to everyone for their thoughts. It really made me feel ok with whatever decision I made.

However, it did work out well b/c we discovered that my H did have award miles and a ticket purchased last year that was unused.

So we made the 4 hour blizzard returning after a blizzard, but it was a good trip afterall.

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