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2nd Trimester
Oh man, I didn't abort!!
So I didn't abort and I don't regret my decision. However the father of child is not talking to me at all. He wanted me to abort because he said we weren't ready which I know we're not but I just couldn't go through with it. He's holding it against me. It's really bad. I thought he'd get over it but he hasn't and I'm already 14/15 weeks pregnant. He has nothing but nasty things to say and it's just sooooo overwhelming. I told him if he wasn't willing to cooperate I'd put him on a child support. He's a cop and he really doesn't want to be put on child support. It's not something I want to do either but if he continues acting this way he's going to leave me with no other choice. I just don't know how else to approach the situation. I don't know how to make him understand that I just couldn't go get an abortion. What should I do?
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Re: Oh man, I didn't abort!!
This. Sounds like you are better off.
ETA: Also, stop threatening child support and file for it. He has a responsiblity to financially support his child. It's not something to hold over his head, to get his cooperation, it's the reality of fathering a child. One of you needs to start acting like an adult here.
Married since 06/19/2004|Anna born 11/19/2006|Charles born 11/1/11
Double undergrad graduation May 2011| Me: Psychology, DH: Communication| A long journey!
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He didn't want the kid. He asked you to abort, why the heck should he pay child support? You're latching him onto a financial obligation because of a choice you made. He made his choice... I think it's bullsh*t that women can go after men for child support after the man has stated his decision in the beginning of the pregnancy.
If he supported the pregnancy, then ditched after the baby was born, then I could see you being entitled to child support. Morally, not legally...
You chose to have this kid. It's your responsibility. Sure it takes two to tango, but he opted out while it was still an option to.
Pregnancy # 6
4 missed chances
2 loving children
1 on the way
I have to agree here. Keeping the baby was not going to keep him around and he told you that in no uncertain terms when he said he wanted to abort. By choosing to parent, you are choosing to parent alone. You still have the adoption option if you find you don't want to parent alone.
Also, child support =/= visitation rights in all cases. Just keep that in mind if you do decide to milk him for his money after he told you early on he didn't want to be a parent.
I disagree. He did make his choice...they both did...when they chose to have unprotected sex. Now that there is a baby, the responsibility lies with both of them. If he didn't want the responsibility that comes with a baby, then he should have considered that before having sex. I'm not saying that he should be forced to be involved in the mom or the baby's life (he definitely shouldn't, and ultimately can't), but I also don't think it's OK to say that just because his preference was for an abortion, he's relieved of all financial responsibility.
Wow I tend to disagree... It takes two people to concieve a baby and if he took part then he does have a legal financial obligation. Abortion is a sticky subject and I don't think just because a women can't bring herself for whatever reasons to do so that the biological father should get immunity from being responsible financially in any way.
Am I living in some alternate universe where child support=milking a guy for money? Child support is the right of the child, not the mom, not the dad, the CHILD. She is under no obligation to have an abortion just because he says so. He doesn't have to have any contact with the child, but he sure as hell should be supporting his kid.
And FWIW I am 100% pro-choice in any and all cases. If it is her choice, go for it. I am not going to strap her down and tell the doctor what to do because he couldn't keep it in his pants any better than she could.
I agree. They both made a mistake, but she shouldn't have to choose to end the life of her child in order to receive some type of support from the child's father.
OP, I wish the best for you and your child and that you find a person or organization for support.
FTW.
And what happened to PPC?
OLD Bump glitch.Two names associated with the same email address=cannot update anything or change my siggy/bio/etc. I can't do anything aside from sign into that SN. With all the new updates, I got lost in the shuffle :-(
Ah, and I was hoping for a juicy story on you getting banned for being mean to a newb. lol.
Exactly!
"He's a cop and he really doesn't want to be put on child support."
Cop or not...he has no choice. Eff him.
Sarah - 12/23/2008
Alex - 9/30/2011
"I say embrace the total geek in yourself and just enjoy it. Life is too short to be cool." - Shirley Manson, Garbage
This! Child support goes to the child which he did in fact help create!
Maybe he should have kept his dlck in his pants if he can't handle the potential consequences of having sex. Nursemom, your views make no sense. Child support is for the child, not for the mom.
Whiskey.Tango.Foxtrot.
Once the boys have gone swimming, the deed is done. There's no "opting out" after ejaculation.
May 2011 Siggy Challenge
Exactly! It's not about what him or you WANT. It's about the child NEEDS.
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Child support shouldn't be something you barter with either. it's simple: If the father isn't with you or not participating, it is in your child's best interest to get a child support order. period. Even if you are on good terms.
I hear all the time girls say "well, no, he doesn't pay....but he visits and brings (diapers, etc) when he can" .
A child support order should be a given. period. It's not supposed to be a punishment, but insurance that the child gets the financial security s/he deserves from BOTH parents.
Seriously?
I was under the impression that it takes two. I also wasn't aware that you could "verbally" opt out of responsibility.
You would make an interesting lawyer.
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FET #1, IUI #1, 2, 3, 4 - all BFN
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FET #2 BFP! Due February 15, 2013
Ditto.
Wow Im sure every dead beat dad would sing your praises right now, Nursemom. Unfortunately for them, the system doesnt work that way. And what the hell, this isnt the "moral" decision at all. The "moral" decision is for the guy to get his head out of his ass, put on his big boy panties and support the child that HIS sperm helped create. Sure he wants an abortion, its the easy way out, it resolves him of any obligation and responsibilty. She chose to keep the child so now he has to finacially support that child. Its not like hes the only one paying, the OP will struggle being a single mom so dont try to make it sound like hes being victimized by upholding a legal obligation.
Hes just upset that now he has to grow up and face the fact that there are consequences for every action in this life. Something that he should have considered before he had unprotected sex.
oh, wow..I missed this whole thing skimming through! Nursemom1 WHAAAAT? The bottom line is, if you don't want to support a child (pay child support) then DONT HAVE SEX. That's right. I didn;t say don't have sex without protection..i said DONT have sex. Because you are putting yourself in the position that a child may come out of the act. That child deserves the support of both parents, financially. AND legally. There is NO opting out of your responsibility. If you have sex (even protected) you have at LEAST a 1% chance of a baby coming from it. So if you can't or wont support a child, keep your pants on.
A woman should not be bullied into an abortion. Or be told they shouldn't go after child support because they wouldn't end their pregnancy.
What an advocate for children's rights you are. "child should've been aborted, but because it wasn't, child doesn't "morally" have a right to financial support from BOTH parties involved in making it" (Was that your view, in a nutshell?)
He took a risk by having unprotected sex. If he didn't want a baby in the first place, he should have kept it in his pants. He should face the consequences of his actions. It doesn't matter what his choice is after she's already pregnant.
after anovulatory diagnosis and TTC for 1 1/2yrs with several medicated cycles and one chemical pregnancy, we have our first bundle of joy!
IT'S A GIRL!
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This!
I can see NurseMom1's point. She didn't have to choose to end the life of her child. She can still choose adoption or keeping the child. The point is, she still has a choice.
I tend to side with the women, usually men are the ones being idiots but this is a case where the father stated up front that he did not want to be a father. The same as the mother has the choice, he should have the choice to give up his parental rights.
Yes, of course they both had sex and this resulted in a pregnancy. So, if a woman has sex and gets pregnant, should she not be entitled to the choice of abortion/adoption/parenting because she already made her choice by sleeping with someone thus taking the chance of becoming pregnant? I think it follows the same lines for men.
Of course, there should be stricter rules and judged on a case by case basis, such as length of relationship, when parental rights were terminated etc....or else all deadbeat dads would be doing this. But I can see the point being made.
It's not right, he should man up and be there for his kid but it just seems like some men don't get a choice. The courts would be so backed up even more than they are now if we judged every single one night stand that resulted in pregnancy so the law is the way it is for a reason.
But I think those violently disagreeing aren't really seeing the whole picture.
And this is coming from someone who HAD a deadbeat dad and usually hates most men so this isn't my "usual" stance.
Sure he can give up his parental rights. But I don't know of any state where that relieves you of child support duties (unless you are giving them up in adoption proceedings). If that were the case, non-custodial parents everywhere would happily terminate their parental rights to stop paycheck garnishments and financial obligations.
GB, were you in my 8th grade debate club? Your points sound super familiar.
This is about a child. The child needs support. The baby is on its way, and that was a result of the actions of 2 people, not the decision of one. It doesn't matter who doesn't want it. It's too late for that discussion now. The baby is coming and will have needs. So no, he can't just decide a baby is going to cramp his style because well, it doesn't matter.
Good luck OP. I'd consult a lawyer.
I am curious what those of you who think he shouldn't have to pay would think in this scenario:
Same scenario but flipped. She wants an abortion, he wants to raise the kid. Is he within his rights to force her to carry the baby to term and sign over rights to him? (lets say they agree she will not have to pay child support)
You had the right not to abort and not for that matter. Your decision now needs to be based on what is best for the baby. He didn't want it well guess what.. too late. There's always a risk and responsibility is on both parts. He is trapped and he is trying to bully you by being mean. The way I see it you have two options, 1) FIle for child support (be prepared to for him to have rights all the way..) something he could use to hurt you 2) take away his rights, walk away from him and focus on the most important things you and LO
I would pick 2 personally.
I think you're the one not seeing the whole picture and not thinking through the societal implications of just letting people out of any level of responsibility to their children.
You can't just take away his rights, no matter what kind of douche you are re-producing with. In almost all states, outside of severe abuse cases, a stepparent/partner must be stepping up to adopt the child AND the bio parent has to sign their rights away. This is how my bio dad got out of a lot of back child support.
OP I think you need to speak to a lawyer. I think some of the advice you're getting in this thread is probably not even legally realistic.
GL.
Did I miss in the OP where she said she got pregnant on purpose? And LOL at "poor guy", yea, I feel real sorry for him. The only person I have sympathy for here is the kid.
And I also think MUD but this is an interesting thread hearing what some people think. And did you only GBCN? I thought you said you were gone for good after that MM fiasco.