Sad, frusterated, depressed, I hate you IF.(vent)

HarperM · February 2011

So my transfer was 2 weeks ago. I tested today and got two negative tests. My ultra sound is tomorrow which will just confirm everything. (I'm not gonna get desperate and even have a hope that the tests could be wrong.)

--For the record, I have done IVF 2x over seas and they don't take your beta, they just book you an u/s for 2weeks after transfer to see if it worked.--

I am just so upset. Emotionally and mentally drained and deflated. And I feel like no one understands (hense, why I love to be able to post here where I know you guys do!) I havent stopped crying all day. I feel so useless.I feel like I've lost myself the past 3 years we have been dealing with this.

I just don't know how to get past this. We are returning back to North America next week and I can not stand to be around everyone-I am the only one left without children. It's too much to be around.

How do you guys handle having to be around all your friends and family with children? I need some advice. I can avoid baby showers and birthday parties but literally every friend of mine has just had a baby in the last 2 years and more will be announcing they are pregnant through the spring/summer I am positive. I think I've reached my emotional limit with this all, I won't be able to deal with it all.....

Thanks for listening. Just needed to get it out and have a good cry. Knowing you ladies understand the pain helps to make me feel not so alone.

hollymichael · February 2011

I am so sorry. ((Hugs))

I am older, so I don't have to deal with that many announcements anymore, but they still sting. I have a really hard time with them even when it is someone I don't know that well. For some reason, being around children doesn't bother me at all. I don't know why so I can't really give you any advice there.

Maybe when you get back to the U.S., you could start seeing a therapist. It might help you deal.

((Hugs))

katerena · February 2011

I'm so sorry sweetie. It's awful. Sometimes you just need to focus on getting through minute by minute. I'm so sorry about your BFN. Hugs

abbe19 · February 2011

I am so sorry. I have no advice because I feel like I am in the same boat. It is literally best to just focus on yourself, not compare and take it day by day. (((hugs)))

KDR1979 · February 2011

I often feel like this too. Our friends are seriously lapping us with their 2nd & 3rd babies. I did talk to a counselor last summer, but she didn't specialize in infertility...so she wasn't so helpful. The only thing that makes me feel better is cycling. Then I feel like I am doing all I/we can. If ivf #3 fails (on Lupron now), I will go to the counselor my RE recommended, even though she is $100/hr session.I am sorry about your bfn. ((hugs))

butterfly843 · February 2011

Sending lots of hugs your way. I have lost so many friends during my journey, especially after my losses. I have been avoiding baby showers for years. It's hard because almost all my friends have kids. I do tend to see my more understanding friends more often. My best friend has a little girl, and even though she hasn't been through infertility and loss she is just awesome and somehow knows the right things to say.

Sunshine05 · February 2011

I'm sorry. *hugs*

Yolanbo9 · February 2011

I'm so sorry

{Huge Hugs}

HarperM · February 2011

Thank you ladies. You have no idea how much it helps to know people can relate to you, I said it before, but it definitely makes me feel less alone xo

ginogomermisser · February 2011

So so so so sorry hun.......We all feel the same feelings here as you do. The one thing I've learned through this site, is just how strong we all are. We are entitled to cry, get angry and vent fifty million times a month. I, like you, feel that I have lost a piece of myself and my marriage. In some aspects, DH and I got closer and in others, we differ. DONT EVER FEEL BAD ABOUT CRYING OR BEING UPSET.....you owe it to yourself!!! I dont handle being around small children or preggo's well. I force myself with the children because I do have two stepkids and have to regularly attend kids functions. It is simply heartbreaking and I hold in my tears alot until alone or with DH. I will not attend showers until I feel I can handle it better. The thing I'm most proud of is being able to conduct myself with class in those situations even though its excrutiating.

Please hun, cheer up. PM me if you need someone to talk to

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