how do I handle this? (DD and party mentioned)

fireflies0306 · February 2011

ok, so i'm hoping i'm not out of line in posting here, but i honestly don't know what to think. i know getting my BFP didn't mean it would be any easier to see pregnant women immediately, especially this early on on the pregnancy, but i thought maybe i'd be able to at least be human around them, and not avoid them.

my DD's bday party is tomorrow, and one of the mom's called to rsvp last night. when i was picking up my daughter from pre-school, she asked me if i was emily's mom, and introduced herself. as i turned around my eye level was at her stomach level (i was kneeling to pick up a bookbag) and saw that she is at least 7-8 months pregnant. my edd with robert was 3/28, so its easy to assume that she and i would have been pregnant together. i felt all the air go out of my lungs, and as she kept talking about how her son was looking forward to the party tomorrow, and other words, i just kept focusing on not losing it, starting to cry, or getting upset and running out of the room.

now, the pregnant mom is going to be staying for the duration of the party. she is not one of the co-workers that knows about my loss (my daugher's preschool is in my high school, so most of the parents know me b/c i work with them). so i'm not expecting her to be sensitive, and she seemed really nice. but i have been thinking and over thinking this since leaving work. i really don't know how i'm going to handle her being in my house, with my son's ashes just a room away. i want to think that i'll figure it out, and pull myself together.

but come on...i know at work i can't even look at any of the pregnant women with their cute little bellies. i mean, it got easier with the BFP, but the uncertainty of if i'll actually have a take home baby this time just kills any happiness or normalcy i can react to them with. i'm not ready to actually talk with them yet, for fear of hearing about her pregnancy.

is this truly awful of me? i want to be able to ask her when she's due, but i know i can't. i want to ask what she is having, but the words get choked up in my throat. i feel like an awful person, and i just don't know how to get through tomorrow now.

thanks for reading if you made it this far. i know i sound like a real selfish piece of work, and i do feel like it too. this woman is a complete stranger and has nothing wrong except have a baby the same time i was supposed to.

DowagerCountessofNJ · February 2011

BIG HUGS.

This does not make you a terrible person. Your feelings sound normal, you'll always mourn your loss and seeing someone who is due close to when you were is understandably going to bring up that grief.

Is their a friend or family member who will be attending the party that can run interference for you tomorrow should you get upset?

damabo80 · February 2011

Hugs. Totally understandable.

I would just ignore it. Don't ask her anything about her PG, and if someone else asks her about it, make an excuse and a quick getaway.

IN other words, treat her like a non-PG person. That's what I pretty much do.

luckymrs. · February 2011

You are definitely not a terrible person.

I'm the same way.

I've had a really hard time being around pg women that are due anywhere near when I was due (2/13).

We had distant friends have their third child last week, and I can't even pull it together to email them a congrats, let alone send them a card, etc. It just seems so unfair and makes me so angry at the universe.

I agree with PP about having someone run interference for you tomorrow. On second thought, can someone else help instead of that woman being there?

Whatever you decide, GL!

(Hugs)

fireflies0306 · February 2011

thank you all for your advice! fortunately she didn't show apparently, but all of my co-workers know and i was planning on pulling them aside when they got here, just in case, and asking for their help. and if the conversation did turn towards the pregnancy i was just going to walk away and let my co-workers do the explaining.

i'm so glad i'm not alone!

thank you!!

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