Anyone not planning to use a crib?

TheGregory's07 · February 2011

I think that you should do what is right for you. As another poster said, I couldn't sleep with my child in the room, every time Ian shifted, whimpered, etc, I was awake and it would take me forever to get back to sleep.

Ian is not one for sleeping with us either been that way since he was tiny, he prefers his own space. This could happen to you, so please don't close your mind to everything just yet, things change after the baby gets here. I learned this the hard way.

ps: I love clothdiapering, we are a hybrid family now but were exclusive for 9 months. My favorites are happy Heinys and prefolds and thristes covers. Not that you asked.

pps: Ian hasn't been in a crib since he was 15 months old, so I understand not wanting one. He is now in a full size bed.

ppps: To the people who left there babies in pack and plays till they transitioned that is bad for their baby backs. There is no support in them.

littlepoppyseed · February 2011

A question stemming from my obvious lack-of-knowledge of cosleeping: what do you do for naptime? Do you always need to rock the child to sleep before they are put down on the futon, or must you always nap with them? I'm thinking about the 6 month+ stage, where they might not stay put on the mattress to sleep.

On a brighter note - I think the nursery is adorable. The colors are so soothing, and you can tell that she put so much thought into the room. While I preferred to have my son sleep in a crib, I wouldn't have worried about a lot of the design elements that others are concerned about - the mirrors, etc. My son never bothered things like that, and never used his toys to hit things... and if he did, I'd just take it down! I wouldn't replicate everything in the room for myself (EC station, for instance), but there were many good ideas. I hope to be WAY better about rotating toys and books, instead of just putting them all out. DS never seemed interested in his toys, because they were overwhelming!

BonitaKaz · February 2011

chottomotto:

BonitaKaz:

I just don't buy the "I don't want a crib for my baby bc I didn't like one as a child" excuse.

I remember being in the crib because I was in mine until I was in kindergarten. My earliest memory is of my 3rd birthday party, so yes, I remember hating my crib and falling out a lot while trying to escape. When I told my mom I had a fear of cribs she told me I was always screaming my head off in the crib, but explained that I was such a terror she couldn't just let me out. Mainly because my brother was special needs and had a delicate feeding tube. How would you like it if you were locked up for 5 years? I can't stand the sight of them. They make me claustrophobic. It's a psychological thing caused by neglect. And I'm just going to add, the internet negates a lot of communication and what you wrote about "not buying it" came off as rude and petty.

I wasn't being rude or petty. How was I supposed to have known you had parents that kept you in a crib until you were 5?
Trust me, I'm pretty sure any toddler would hate their crib, as well as a 5 year old and I can't imagine leaving my child in a crib until that age.

Although I still don't agree with your reasoning, because it sounds like you have an irrational fear of cribs because of your parent's neglect (and that's your deal, and I'm sorry you have to deal with it). I still stand by my opinion that any other person, who's parents DID NOT do that to them, cannot go by the assumption that they didn't like thrir crib therefore they don't like one for their child. It makes no sense whatsoever.

I never said it was wrong. Just trying to understand your reasoning as it's not something I'd personally do.

Edited to clarify.

MissLinz · February 2011

Meehanbride:

I think co-sleeping would be fine when they are small and not moving around much but once they are able to roll around I think it would be very hard to sleep with a baby/toddler rolling around kicking you in the head. I mean there were nights I would peek in on DD in her crib and she was all over the place.

But then again, my other concern is rolling over on the baby or my heavy blankets getting over the baby's head/face. Co-sleeping in fine for some, just not me.

I will have a bassinet right next to my bed for the first 4-6 months then to the crib. I love my daughter but I need sleep to be able to function. Also DH and I need our alone time.

This exactly!

veggiemomto2 · February 2011

To answer the question a bit above -Napping has never been an issue for us. I guess that has a lot to do with the fact that both of my children nursed to sleep until they weaned at over 3 years of age. Most of the time they napped on me (which is when I used the computer), on the couch, or a rigged up SAFE area for them. They were never left on their own to get in to anything. I can certainly see how this wouldn't work for many, but it's what felt right for US and it's what works for us. In the early days my babies nursed very frequently so they were either in a sling or on my arm (my right arm is very strong now!). When they were a little older, they really only napped once a day - I never had babes that did 2-3 naps per day unless we were in the car. I am not on a schedule, neither were they, so it was never an issue of "Oh, gotta go lay the kid down to sleep!"

chottomotto · February 2011

I think that if having a crib in your house beings you comfort and peace of mind, then go for it! I was just trying to find other moms who were co-sleeping / bed sharing / floor bedding so we could talk about design the same way other people on this board are talking about cribs and crib sheets. Literally, I just wanted to talk about interior nursery design! I did not want to start a cribs vs. co-sleeping throw down.

Again, the nursery I linked to was for a baby, not a toddler. All the "glass" was acrylic. And in fact the mom changed the room several times for the crawling and toddler stages, and then again to prepare for her second child.

Laurenbncha# my condolences on the loss of your godson. I can see why you would be angry and defensive. Also, if you look at that blog more, you can see that the mom does dress her kid like a gnome, so you weren't far off in your comments anyway. Wink

BonnieKatz: my personal issue with cribs is that they are a trauma trigger FOR ME. It's not about my baby at all, or about anyone else. They make ME feel and remember horrible things. Why would I want that object in my house when I don't need one? (That's like telling an abuse victim who was beaten with a hairbrush that hairbrushes are the greatest and they should just get over it because everyone needs a hairbrush. That person could just as easily use a comb or a pick, or just get a really short hairstyle, right?) And it's not like I'm afraid of cribs, I'm afraid of reliving my childhood and becoming angry with my family when we have just begun speaking again after many years thanks to this pregnancy. That's my reasoning.

MissLMS: it's not a pillowy futon like those American couch things, this is a traditional Japanese futon. I lived there for a while and bought one to bring back with me. It's very firm and is what millions of children and babies in Asian countries sleep on. It's perfectly safe and recommended for babies specifically. Also, your daughter is the most beautiful baby I've ever seen.

TheGregory: I was thinking of using the BumGenius 4.0 AIOs. Mostly because I can register for them on my Amazon Baby Registry. I haven't heard of Happy Heinys before. Feel free to enlighten me, I don't know any moms IRL who cloth diaper.

LittlePoppySeed: I'm not a mom yet, so my mind is still planning out the beginning stages when I'm breastfeeding constantly and not sleeping at all. I haven't thought too much about what happens after that! But I guess naptime for us would probably happen in a baby carrier. I feel like such a hippie talking about all this baby wearing, bed sharing, cloth diapering, breastfeeding, etc etc, but it seems fun to try it all out. I've heard of people taking their kids on drives or in the stroller to induce a nap, and then letting them sleep in the carseat (inside the house!) or stroller if they continued to do nap after the movement stopped.

As far as in the nursery in the later stages? I guess that be more like quiet time than nap time. I'd put them on the bed with the baby gate in place and the blinds closed. I don't think I would be in there as well until I was tired. I'm still in the exhausted phase of pregnancy, so right now I can't imagine ever turning down a nap!! Also from what I understand, regardless of where they are, it's not like you can force a child to sleep. They either do or they don't right? And when they don't they're cranky terrors? I guess I would have to deal with that!

I wanted to add that the reason floor beds are recommended is because kids (supposedly) don't cry as much when they have the freedom to get in and out of bed on their own. They get out when they're awake and play, and then go back to the bed when they are tired. They don't cry because they don't need you to facilitate their movement. But I read that in a Montessori book, How to Raising an Amazing Child the Montessori Way, I did not hear it from an actual parent. The basis of my parenting ideals come specifically from this book. But they are just that, ideals. Reality can be so unkind to them!

As far as my sex life is concerned, TMI:
People can have sex outside of bed. I'm fairly certain this child was conceived against the refrigerator. And my husband and I have more sex than anyone I know. At least once a day, sometimes 4 times a day on weekends. When I studied in Japan, I was away from my husband (then fiance) for 5 months. Neither of us had any desire without the other being around. When I returned, we started this heavy pace. So I'm not worried about it. If anything, it just means even more sex when I move back into the master bedroom.

skirby · February 2011

I really appreciate this link. Montessori methods always give me something good to think about. We plan to use a crib - though I did move a twin bed into the nursery, since I'm anticipating some nights where it might be easier for my husband or I to sleep in there. I also think it will be a nice snuggle/reading area.

I really like the mirror area in the posted room - I'm thinking I'll incorporate that in our nursery.

So, I'm not planning on going without a crib, but I appreciate your post - and decision.

Uwannalala · February 2011

::::::::::::::::::DISCLAIMER TO COSLEEPING PARENTS :::::::::::::::

This is on a lighter note, so please dont' take me too seriously Stick out tongue

My parents decided it would be a great idea to cosleep with me as a baby... then I became so used to it that I was TERRIFIED to sleep in my room. They would try to bribe me with sleepovers, prizes, putting charts on the wall... it would never work inevitably.. I would be in their bed an hour later.

No joke, I ended up sleeping on their floor (after the bed got too small for me!) until I was in middle school! Yes, its embarrassing.

Needless, to say, NO- I will not be cosleeping and put myself in the situation! haha Mommy and Daddy need their alone time.

P.S. Im sorry, I guess I don't take some aspects of parents as seriously as others.. but that room is cracking me up with its "elimination station" or whatever. So serious! it's funny to see how different everyones parenting styles are!

JennyAnne022776 · February 2011

veggiemomto2:
Co-sleeping Safety
Excerpts from a LLLI press release from September 30, 1999:
Dr. James McKenna, Professor of Anthropology at the University of Notre Dame, a member of LLLI's Health Advisory Council, and an expert on the subject of co-sleeping, believes there to be more danger in leaving an infant alone in a crib than in arranging a safe co-sleeping environment. He states, "We agree... that special precautions need to be taken to minimize catastrophic accidents. However, the need for such precautions is no more an argument against all co-sleeping and, specifically bedsharing, than is the reality of infants accidentally strangling, suffocating, or dying from SIDS alone in cribs, a reason to recommend against all solitary, unsupervised infant sleep." He adds, "While specific structural hazards of an adult bed are important, the fact that they exist means neither that they cannot be eliminated nor that all bedsharing is unsafe."

I'm not even weighing into this debate, because it will go nowhere, but anyone can choose a random article (or two, or 10) to support their cause. I'm sure if I looked around on the internet, I could find another 20 articles to support co-sleeping and then find 20 that will talk about the dangers of doing so. Quoting one article is not at all convincing, especially when it's coming from LLLI. I mean really, did you expect LLLI to have any perspective other than this one? Not a very unbiased organization, as they are pretty set in their principles and philosophies. It's fine...I agree with a lot of their philosophies. I'm just saying, not exactly a place to go to in order to find unbiased research.

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