What a difference a ring makes

Lisa102304 · February 2011

This post makes me want to take off my wedding ring so people judge me.

I find it hysterical that I would even CARE what other people do. Maybe the woman is a surrogate for a friend or family member. Maybe she was raped and is giving the baby up for adoption. Maybe she is unmarried and pregnant. Big flipping deal.

JUSTBEYOURSELF · February 2011

elisbu:
oh_maria:

Please, go ahead and judge. Let's also compare education, careers, and how you treat your family. Why stop there? What about your kids' performance in school? Where they go to college?

Do you judge people who haven't graduated high school? I don't- to each his own. Remind me what gives you the right to judge my decisions... waiting....

Ok, well, you've cast the first stone, so I'm totally judging you on your comments and quite frankly, I hope your kid doesn't grow up to be gay or pursue another alternative lifestyle. I can't see how you'd tolerate that any better.

Oh, get off your high horse, I said judge, not cast into hell.

I have been judged for using a bumper, so be it. It's a choice I made, I stand by it.

And why can I judge people who didn't graduate highschool. Because I pay taxes! and the average person who did not finish highschool is dependent on government support, that's why!

I hate blanket statements... there are just as many on welfare that have degrees! you have got to be kidding me that you really think this.

snoopy5512 · February 2011

I am a little late to this, but I like to see pretty sparkly things. I always check peoples fingers out.

And I have joked to DH when I leave the house without my rings that I don't want to get looked at funny. Especially since he never takes his wedding band off, and worse than what anyone might think about me being a single mom, I don't want people to think I am a single pregnant mom with a married boyfriend.

For the poster who knows tons of people at Apple, Microsoft, etc. without HS degrees, I wonder how old these people are. In this day and age you would have to be a frickin genious to work at a company like that without a college degree.

MaybeBaby2 · February 2011

kerrbear72:
I judge other peoples judgments of judgments.

Yes

Peejee · February 2011

snoopy5512:

I am a little late to this, but I like to see pretty sparkly things. I always check peoples fingers out.

And I have joked to DH when I leave the house without my rings that I don't want to get looked at funny. Especially since he never takes his wedding band off, and worse than what anyone might think about me being a single mom, I don't want people to think I am a single pregnant mom with a married boyfriend.

For the poster who knows tons of people at Apple, Microsoft, etc. without HS degrees, I wonder how old these people are. In this day and age you would have to be a frickin genious to work at a company like that without a college degree.

Most in their early 20s-30s. After having worked in HR in both companies, commonly they value ability over education. Can you network circles around that guy who happens to have a masters of science? You get the job. Are you some sort of freak genius at coding but never graduated highschool because you wanted to focus on learning more about c++, java, VB etc? All you, kid. It's the same reason you can interview at Microsoft wearing ratty shorts and a t-shirt and get hired, they don't care about what you look like or what that pretty paper says..they care about what you're capable of doing

NJMom050911 · February 2011

Peejee:
snoopy5512:

I am a little late to this, but I like to see pretty sparkly things. I always check peoples fingers out.

And I have joked to DH when I leave the house without my rings that I don't want to get looked at funny. Especially since he never takes his wedding band off, and worse than what anyone might think about me being a single mom, I don't want people to think I am a single pregnant mom with a married boyfriend.

For the poster who knows tons of people at Apple, Microsoft, etc. without HS degrees, I wonder how old these people are. In this day and age you would have to be a frickin genious to work at a company like that without a college degree.

Most in their early 20s-30s. After having worked in HR in both companies, commonly they value ability over education. Can you network circles around that guy who happens to have a masters of science? You get the job. Are you some sort of freak genius at coding but never graduated highschool because you wanted to focus on learning more about c++, java, VB etc? All you, kid. It's the same reason you can interview at Microsoft wearing ratty shorts and a t-shirt and get hired, they don't care about what you look like or what that pretty paper says..they care about what you're capable of doing

Great for those who can get their foot in the door. In the NY tri state area I have yet to see a posting for a job that would even look at your resume without some type of college eduation.

snoopy5512 · February 2011

Like I said though, FREAKING GENIOUS. That is a specific niche. Try working at a lot of low level companies without a HS degree... see how far you would get.

kacelle · February 2011

kristennd:
Yeah, this is one of those parts of the country where eyes go directly from your belly to your left hand.

True in my area as well!

melandjudd · February 2011

Peejee:

melandjudd:
I look but it is social norms for this area. It is also how I was raised. My parents have been married for 29 years, they taught me you get married then you have babies, and if you get KU before then you make plans and get married. Shotgun weddings are not a thing of the past here, and just because someone has one doesn't mean that they are any less happy later in life or get a divorce and they raise children that believe if you get KU you get married.
BTW the person talking about people on medicad being senior citizens that's true it is, but what about all the people on WIC. Most married couples that both people work don't qualify. People that aren't married can just use the women's income and qualify wether they need it that bad or not.

Only in the cases where the unmarried couple don't cohabitate. In the majority of cases, the unwed couple with a newborn do live together and the full income of all three are considered. Besides, what does it matter? WIC goes to help children, do you really begrudge them food and support because you don't approve of their lifestyle? Plenty of married couples where both people work are on WIC because the cost of living has incresed leaps and bounds over that of the rate of pay increases thus two incomes doesn't entirely indicate being above the disqualification point.

My grandparents were raised to believe black people were genetically inferior. My parents were raised during the civil rights fight era and were taught that "colored" was a perfectly acceptable term to use. Just because you were raised a certain way doesn't mean that your beliefs aren't rather archaic and designed to shame other people who don't conform to them

I never said I judge I said I look and either way I wonder about their situation cause I have friends get KU just to try and save a sh!itty marraige. If they don't it makes me wonder what kind of relationship that they have with their SO. Hel! I think about what people think of me when they stare at my belly. It is just the type of person that I am. As far as WIC is concerned I don't begrudge the children I begrudge the stupid women that have 5 kids with 5 different dads that I have to pay for. I feel the same way about people that get on welfare for the same reason. I understand that not everyone recieving benifits is like this, and the system was made for people that need help, but at the same time there are many people that do take advantage I am against that.

On the other note why do my ideas have to be archaic, because you disagree with them like I said before I think it's regional. But I also must suck at life cause I thought having sex before marriage wasn't for me, and I waited til I was married, bought a house, and me and DH both had stable jobs before getting KU. Not saying that is the only way but it works for us and our archaic ideals.

cmr4828 · February 2011

I think it is ridiculous for people to judge you. In my opinion it doesn't matter if you are married or unmarried, together with someone or single...you make the decision when it makes sense for YOU and your life to have a baby. The fact that people can't see that is insane.

Sure they may feel that they personally would need to be married to have a baby, but that doesn't then make their personal preference superior or more "moral".

I really hope that when our babies grow up most, if not all, of these silly little generational/passe ways of thinking/judging people will be long gone.

Pythia1022 · February 2011

Wow I am late to this party, but SERIOUSLY?! The amount of judging is ridiculous. I'm not gonna touch the welfare argument with a 12-foot pole...but I just wanted to throw out there that I am legally married AND my Church recognizes it, and DH wears a ring, but I don't. I told him a long time ago that I'd rather wait a couple years for a big diamond than for him to buy me something I wouldn't really want to wear. (I realize my vanity is appalling, but I am still waiting for my rock lol). I can't imagine what people must think of me out in public, pregnant with no wedding band...the horror!!...not. Get over yourselves, worry about YOU and YOUR babies.

oh_maria · February 2011

elisbu:
oh_maria:

Please, go ahead and judge. Let's also compare education, careers, and how you treat your family. Why stop there? What about your kids' performance in school? Where they go to college?

Do you judge people who haven't graduated high school? I don't- to each his own. Remind me what gives you the right to judge my decisions... waiting....

Ok, well, you've cast the first stone, so I'm totally judging you on your comments and quite frankly, I hope your kid doesn't grow up to be gay or pursue another alternative lifestyle. I can't see how you'd tolerate that any better.

Oh, get off your high horse, I said judge, not cast into hell.

I have been judged for using a bumper, so be it. It's a choice I made, I stand by it.

And why can I judge people who didn't graduate highschool. Because I pay taxes! and the average person who did not finish highschool is dependent on government support, that's why!

Glad you can read really well. I used the same word you did which was "judge," but hey, let's not let facts interfere with your reality here.

I wonder if the fact that I was hispanic and unmarried bothered you too... you know, another "pregnant minority" in the world. Oh wait, I guess that may be the "social norm" for what you think of minorities (since they tend to have a lower graduation rate and are on government support in larger numbers).

Do you want me or my relatives to mow your lawn?

alfulton99 · February 2011

Haha... I answered the door at work for the Fed Ex delivery man yesterday, which I haven't done in a few months due to a promotion. He looked at my belly and said "I haven't seen you like this before. Was it planned?" I told him no, since I don't really care what the FedEx delivery man thinks of me and then he asked if it was by my boyfriend at least. I said no, it was the UPS man

Funny how people think that just because you have a big belly, they're suddenly allowed to get in your business.

pinkflipflops44 · February 2011

tokenhoser:

I love when posts like this entirely confirm what I think of people.

I judge far more based on posts here than I ever would by your wedding rings.

ha that was my thought as well. i never look at people's ring fingers. i fail at being observant, or more likely it's because i don't care.

amandabrooke81 · February 2011

tokenhoser:

I love when posts like this entirely confirm what I think of people.

I judge far more based on posts here than I ever would by your wedding rings.

My thoughts exactly.

This thread is out of control!

AnneShirleyBlythe · February 2011

There is all sorts of WTF in this post.

For instance, I didn't know my marriage was just a piece of paper, or that my wedding rings were arbitrary pieces of jewelry. I also didn't know that I was supposed to care if others are married when they have kids. I didn't know that people were likely judging me for not wearing my wedding rings ever, since before my last kid. Imagine all the looks of haughty derision I must have gotten while toting around a newborn with no rings on my fingers!

darmca · February 2011

I stopped wearing my rings at about 2 months pregnant when I was covered in hives from pregnancy hormones and my fingers could not even ben properly- didn't want to risk it happening again. While most people don't seem to care if I am married or not while I am pregnant, my husband's aunt's neighbour made a funny comment when I met her.

DH's Aunt: "This is my nephew's wife- they just got married in June, now she's pregnant"

Neighbour: "Oh how nice, when are you due?"

Me: "May"

Neighbour with funny look on her face: "So you got married in June and you're having a baby in May- how does that work?" which was followed by awkward subject change.

Well, lady, since women aren't pregnant for 11 months, even from the narrow-minded perspective that you should concieve children after marriage, it works well.

Added after reading more of the debate: I have a BA from McGill (In my opinion the best university in Canada), a post-grad in HR, and I make $20,000 a year in a call-centre. I was on unemployment insurance for 4 months last year (for the first time in my life) and without my husband would probably be getting a lot of government assistance when I have my baby. I loved getting my education, but with no experience I still can't get a decent job.

jc51723 · February 2011

*mandalynn*:
Haha... I answered the door at work for the Fed Ex delivery man yesterday, which I haven't done in a few months due to a promotion. He looked at my belly and said "I haven't seen you like this before. Was it planned?" I told him no, since I don't really care what the FedEx delivery man thinks of me and then he asked if it was by my boyfriend at least. I said no, it was the UPS man

Funny how people think that just because you have a big belly, they're suddenly allowed to get in your business.

I'm not getting into this debate, but this is hilarious!

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