Anyone not planning to use a crib?

chottomotto · February 2011

I'm not buying a crib and I'm getting a lot of lip about it from my family. I have never liked cribs, even from the time I had to sleep in one, and now that I'm pregnant I just don't want one.

I do have a bassinet/ mini packnplay combo lined up in case I have a c-section or have bad back pain (and can't bend over easily), but otherwise I plan to co-sleep on a full-sized floor futon. Everyone thinks I'm crazy, but it's what the majority of the world does. But then I also get called crazy for planning to breastfeed and cloth diaper, neither of which I think is strange.

Is anyone else planning to forgo the "essential" crib?

For a good example of the type of nursery I want to create, visit this link:
https://sewliberated.typepad.com/sew_liberated/2009/04/finnians-montessori-room.html

BonitaKaz · February 2011

chottomotto:
I'm not buying a crib and I'm getting a lot of lip about it from my family. I have never liked cribs, even from the time I had to sleep in one, and now that I'm pregnant I just don't want one.

I do have a bassinet/ mini packnplay combo lined up in case I have a c-section or have bad back pain (and can't bend over easily), but otherwise I plan to co-sleep on a full-sized floor futon. Everyone thinks I'm crazy, but it's what the majority of the world does. But then I also get called crazy for planning to breastfeed and cloth diaper, neither of which I think is strange.

Is anyone else planning to forgo the "essential" crib?

For a good example of the type of nursery I want to create, visit this link:
https://sewliberated.typepad.com/sew_liberated/2009/04/finnians-montessori-room.html

I dunno about you, but I definately do not remember being in a crib.

I am personally getting a crib and do not want to cosleep (which is a personal decision), however, what about when you don't want to lay down with the baby? Will they sleep on the futon on the floor by themselves?

littlepoppyseed · February 2011

BonitaKaz:
I dunno about you, but I definately do not remember being in a crib.

Perhaps her parents told her about her aversion to the crib? That would make sense, right?

I'm thinking about just putting the baby on a mattress on the ground. That should be safe, right?

BonitaKaz · February 2011

littlepoppyseed:
BonitaKaz:

I dunno about you, but I definately do not remember being in a crib.

Perhaps her parents told her about her aversion to the crib? That would make sense, right?

I'm thinking about just putting the baby on a mattress on the ground. That should be safe, right?

Perhaps.

I just don't buy the "I don't want a crib for my baby bc I didn't like one as a child" excuse.

I am not knocking the idea of putting a mattress on the floor, not by any means. I just don't think that is a good reason to. Just my opinion.

rayandbrit · February 2011

Our daughter ends up in our bed most nights (after putting her down in her crib initially to fall asleep). It wasn't a choice we made to "co-sleep" but with teething and everything else it has just kind of evolved. Let me say, while I do love cuddling with her, there are many times that it's a headache. For instance, if she wakes up and wants to move into our bed before we're ready to go to bed, or when I am getting elbowed, kicked, and head butted in the face all night. It also reduces the already reduced option of spontaneity in DH and I's love life. Also, being pregnant has added more stress to the situation because my chest (which kills sans elbowing and head-butting) is the recipient of several blows along with my stomach.

Like I said, cuddling is wonderful, but I am soooo grateful we have a crib so that there is SOME separation, not to mention nap times with no crib sounds scary!

*Added Edit* This is all not mentioning the possible safety hazards of co-sleeping with baby

Jelliebean1982 · February 2011

We have a crib, but we will probably side car it to make extra room. Right now DD is in the middle so it's a bit of a tight squeeze in our queen sized bed. We love having our babies sleep with us.

Meehanbride · February 2011

I think co-sleeping would be fine when they are small and not moving around much but once they are able to roll around I think it would be very hard to sleep with a baby/toddler rolling around kicking you in the head. I mean there were nights I would peek in on DD in her crib and she was all over the place.

But then again, my other concern is rolling over on the baby or my heavy blankets getting over the baby's head/face. Co-sleeping in fine for some, just not me.

I will have a bassinet right next to my bed for the first 4-6 months then to the crib. I love my daughter but I need sleep to be able to function. Also DH and I need our alone time.

MrsGo4Hockeychick · February 2011

we won't be buying one until this time next year. We co slept/bed shared (yes, they are different) until DD was about 7 months old and she decided she no longer liked it.

We'll be waiting to buy it until closer to when we need it so we can spread out the spending, unless there is a fantastic sale before then.

MissLMS · February 2011

For me, I think of a crib as more of a safety precaution. I can understand if you cosleep, but what if you are not in the room? Will the baby wake up and have free roam of the room, even at crawling age? Are you going to take everything out of the room so that he/she doesn't get hurt? What about small objects that you may not see that could be choking hazards? It just doesn't seem practical or safe to me.

I'm sorry. I'm not trying to critcize the nursery you posted. But as a mom of a very active child, it made me giggle. My daughter started crawling out of her own crib at 14 months and that's when we transitioned her to a toddler bed... which is VERY EARLY.

When she has time to herself, she pulls down all the books of her shelf, turns her toy basket upside down and dumps out the toys, goes through her closet (she can open the door now) and pulls out all her shoes all over the floor, opens her dresser drawers and pulls out the clothes... dumps out alll the wipes, has painted vaseline on the mirror...all just during naptime or in the early hours of the morning when she's supposed to be asleep. She also climbs on the bookshelves, baskets, etc. We try to babyproof all the drawers/doors but she gets into them somehow.

The nursery that had the set aside potty area and grooming area made me laugh because my DD would tear that room apart in no time.

I can't imagine what she would have done if she had free reign of her room from the very beginning. I think I would have been scared to death to leave her in there at naptime!

littlepoppyseed · February 2011

BonitaKaz:

I am not knocking the idea of putting a mattress on the floor, not by any means. I just don't think that is a good reason to. Just my opinion.

Oh, no worries! That comment wasn't really for you directly... it was a (kind-of lame) reference to a hilarious thread awhile back about sleeping on the floor. This thread made me think of that, for some reason. No offense meant - just being silly Of course, if you are sleeping WITH your child, it is a lot different than having a mobile child with no supervision having free reign in a room. I would only worry about the futon once baby is crawling.

We loved having a crib. I didn't do well with DS in my room, as it made it nearly impossible for me to sleep through his insanely cute noises. If you are on the fence, just see how you do with a bassinet or co-sleeping, then decide from there.

littlepoppyseed · February 2011

PS- I'm getting lots of grief about cloth-diapering, too... so I feel your pain!

chottomotto · February 2011

BonitaKaz:

I just don't buy the "I don't want a crib for my baby bc I didn't like one as a child" excuse.

I remember being in the crib because I was in mine until I was in kindergarten. My earliest memory is of my 3rd birthday party, so yes, I remember hating my crib and falling out a lot while trying to escape. When I told my mom I had a fear of cribs she told me I was always screaming my head off in the crib, but explained that I was such a terror she couldn't just let me out. Mainly because my brother was special needs and had a delicate feeding tube. How would you like it if you were locked up for 5 years? I can't stand the sight of them. They make me claustrophobic. It's a psychological thing caused by neglect. And I'm just going to add, the internet negates a lot of communication and what you wrote about "not buying it" came off as rude and petty.

For everyone else and their actual concerns:

Thank you for your insights. I'd just like to say in as kind a way as possible that I was not asking for opinions on what I was going to do, as I have already decided. I was just looking to see how many other moms-to-be had also decided to forgo the crib, and who they were. A lot of you had safety concerns, and then some of the second-time moms were questioning my sanity. lol Hopefully I can address those in a way that isn't too blathery.

First off, I don't think bed sharing is dangerous for my family. Otherwise I wouldn't think about it. I'm a good candidate for bed sharing because I'm a very light sleeper and I always wake up and consciously change positions. I'm also 5'2 and 120lbs. I'm tiny. The baby will have plenty of space in a full sized bed. And like I said, if it becomes a problem I'll use the packnplay's bassinet. I can actually take it out and place it on the futon as well.

The futon will be in the nursery, where the baby and I will sleep. We have a separate master bedroom where my husband will sleep. I am mainly bed sharing because of the breastfeeding. Who knows what will happen after that? I do not plan on sleeping in the same bed as a toddler, but then again who does?

The nursery will have a mesh baby gate on it so that the door can be open. The entire room will be baby proofed and safe for the child at their age range, like one giant play pen. Children can't move around that easily for a while and in that time the room can evolve. I can change the things that are no longer working. And honestly, I don't see the problem with a child tearing up their own room. That should be expected. The Montessori method actually encourages children to explore their space, hence the floor bed, open shelving, and kid sized furniture. Everything in the room is for them. Anything they shouldn't touch is on high shelves out of reach, or in another room entirely. Like the toiletries.

That room I linked to is just fine for a young baby and not a toddler. The mirrors and picture frames are acrylic, not glass. Honestly there was hardly anything in that room! I don't see anything in there that could be ruined irrevocably or be harmful to a not-yet-crawling baby, which is who the room was designed for.

I think that was everything?

poppy33 · February 2011

I don't think it's that odd not to have a crib, my brother and his wife and DH's sister and her husband both just used the pack and play combo the whole time. I like your idea.

veggiemomto2 · February 2011

This is our 3rd and we've never used a crib.

ETA: we cosleep in this home. I personally feel it is safer for my child and it is also more convenient for both of us when nursing non stop. There is absolutely zero need for us to have a crib.

Oneday82 · February 2011

I could feel from this title you would probably get some grief on here for it. As I read what you wrote, you will have a pack & play / bassinet for times that you may need them. Otherwise you are hoping to co sleep with the baby. Now, while I've heard (news stories and such) of babies being harmed from co-sleeping, I've probably heard just about the same # of babies harmed in cribs. I think there are safe and unsafe ways to do everything, and to me it seems like you are making a responsible and safe set up for you and your baby. There are plenty of "baby wearing, co-sleeping, exclusively breast feeding, cloth diapering mommas" out there, and I say do what works for you, your husband and your baby!!!!

On that note, back to what you were asking originally. I DO plan on having a crib. One big reason for me is that I personally want to separate "baby time" and "hubby time" and right before bed time seems to be the only time we get to just relax, cuddle, be intimate etc... I just want a separation of "baby/momma" and "husband/wife" time. Now, I know that will probably not be happening the first few months, but i'm sure eventually it will all work itself out!

Oh and here is a link for you:

https://www.attachmentparentingdoctor.com/sleeping.html

BetsyDavis · February 2011

From experience co-sleeping is a pain. I was so happy when DD finally moved to her crib at 13/14 months. Seriously when they sleep with you it is impossible for any one to get a good night sleep. We started out in pack n play and the she got sick and moved to our bed and I hated it my back and neck constantly hurt and she would not sleep through the night if her life depended on it. She slept in her crib one night just because we needed a break and space to stretch and bam slept through the night and she now refuses to sleep any where but her crib. This baby we have decided is going in their crib from the get go. DD we had planned to but she was early and in the NICU and I was scared to have her sleep so far from me when she came home(paranoid first time mommy).

SarahPLiz · February 2011

chottomotto:
BonitaKaz:

I just don't buy the "I don't want a crib for my baby bc I didn't like one as a child" excuse.
I remember being in the crib because I was in mine until I was in kindergarten. My earliest memory is of my 3rd birthday party, so yes, I remember hating my crib and falling out a lot while trying to escape. When I told my mom I had a fear of cribs she told me I was always screaming my head off in the crib, but explained that I was such a terror she couldn't just let me out. Mainly because my brother was special needs and had a delicate feeding tube. How would you like it if you were locked up for 5 years? I can't stand the sight of them. They make me claustrophobic. It's a psychological thing caused by neglect. And I'm just going to add, the internet negates a lot of communication and what you wrote about "not buying it" came off as rude and petty.

For everyone else and their actual concerns:

Thank you for your insights. I'd just like to say in as kind a way as possible that I was not asking for opinions on what I was going to do, as I have already decided. I was just looking to see how many other moms-to-be had also decided to forgo the crib, and who they were. A lot of you had safety concerns, and then some of the second-time moms were questioning my sanity. lol Hopefully I can address those in a way that isn't too blathery.

First off, I don't think bed sharing is dangerous for my family. Otherwise I wouldn't think about it. I'm a good candidate for bed sharing because I'm a very light sleeper and I always wake up and consciously change positions. I'm also 5'2 and 120lbs. I'm tiny. The baby will have plenty of space in a full sized bed. And like I said, if it becomes a problem I'll use the packnplay's bassinet. I can actually take it out and place it on the futon as well.

The futon will be in the nursery, where the baby and I will sleep. We have a separate master bedroom where my husband will sleep. I am mainly bed sharing because of the breastfeeding. Who knows what will happen after that? I do not plan on sleeping in the same bed as a toddler, but then again who does?

The nursery will have a mesh baby gate on it so that the door can be open. The entire room will be baby proofed and safe for the child at their age range, like one giant play pen. Children can't move around that easily for a while and in that time the room can evolve. I can change the things that are no longer working. And honestly, I don't see the problem with a child tearing up their own room. That should be expected. The Montessori method actually encourages children to explore their space, hence the floor bed, open shelving, and kid sized furniture. Everything in the room is for them. Anything they shouldn't touch is on high shelves out of reach, or in another room entirely. Like the toiletries.

That room I linked to is just fine for a young baby and not a toddler. The mirrors and picture frames are acrylic, not glass. Honestly there was hardly anything in that room! I don't see anything in there that could be ruined irrevocably or be harmful to a not-yet-crawling baby, which is who the room was designed for.

I think that was everything?

I'm sorry that you were psychologically harmed by someone neglecting to transition you to an appropriate sleeping arrangement when you were too old for a crib. There is no reason that, if your child slept in a crib, you would leave them there until they were 5 and cause the same harm. You'd transition them as appropriate. I understand co-sleeping and if that's what you want to do, then fine, but I prefer the safety of a crib for my child. Please don't let your prior neglect turn you away from something that is perfectly safe for your child when used appropriately. To me, your neglect is not a good reason to not use a crib for your child. A good reason is that you like co-sleeping principles on their own merit. If you do, then go for it.

lololoco · February 2011

I'm just curious, but have you considered what this might do to your marriage? When your husband is sleeping in another room and you are sleeping on a futon with your child...

Do you and your husband sleep apart already? Otherwise, I could see this having a big impact on the intimacy of your relationship, even if you're not doing the deed... something about sleeping next to my husband makes me feel more connected with him.

Also, I only think this would be feasible until the child started crawling or walking. Then you'd need to just be in a padded room with no dangers until they are old enough be there safely. Otherwise, you will not be getting good sleep.

I also don't believe that co-sleeping is safe. My BIL is a PICU doctor and has seen some devastating co-sleeping disasters. I just cannot bring myself to do it... To each their own.

My thing is, don't set your mind too strongly on anything before you have your baby. There are so many things I thought I didn't want or wouldn't do, but all that goes out the window when the baby gets here. The key is to be flexible and not disappointed if you later find it easier to have your baby in a crib.

isacdimi10 · February 2011

BonitaKaz:

I dunno about you, but I definately do not remember being in a crib.

I am personally getting a crib and do not want to cosleep (which is a personal decision), however, what about when you don't want to lay down with the baby? Will they sleep on the futon on the floor by themselves?

I don't remember it but I jumped out of my crib like I had a parachute when I was 14 months old.

Also tons of people like to cosleep. Also a lot of people have pack'n'plays for backups. I'm not one of these people mainly because my husband is violent when he sleeps, he has a sleep disorder. Also I like sleeping alone.

I don't think you're weird. One of my best friends doesn't have a crib for her daughter.

laurenbncha# · February 2011

No, absolutely not.

My best friend's 3 mo old passed away last month due to, and I'm quoting the death certificate here, "unsafe sleeping conditions."

I plan to take no risks.

And since I'm now in a bad mood, that room looks like something for a gnome. I find it totally uninspiring and generally silly. And yes, I'm pro Montessori, cloth diapering, modern design, etc.

Matt Dvorak · February 2011

SarahPLiz:
chottomotto:
BonitaKaz:

I just don't buy the "I don't want a crib for my baby bc I didn't like one as a child" excuse.
I remember being in the crib because I was in mine until I was in kindergarten. My earliest memory is of my 3rd birthday party, so yes, I remember hating my crib and falling out a lot while trying to escape. When I told my mom I had a fear of cribs she told me I was always screaming my head off in the crib, but explained that I was such a terror she couldn't just let me out. Mainly because my brother was special needs and had a delicate feeding tube. How would you like it if you were locked up for 5 years? I can't stand the sight of them. They make me claustrophobic. It's a psychological thing caused by neglect. And I'm just going to add, the internet negates a lot of communication and what you wrote about "not buying it" came off as rude and petty.

For everyone else and their actual concerns:

Thank you for your insights. I'd just like to say in as kind a way as possible that I was not asking for opinions on what I was going to do, as I have already decided. I was just looking to see how many other moms-to-be had also decided to forgo the crib, and who they were. A lot of you had safety concerns, and then some of the second-time moms were questioning my sanity. lol Hopefully I can address those in a way that isn't too blathery.

First off, I don't think bed sharing is dangerous for my family. Otherwise I wouldn't think about it. I'm a good candidate for bed sharing because I'm a very light sleeper and I always wake up and consciously change positions. I'm also 5'2 and 120lbs. I'm tiny. The baby will have plenty of space in a full sized bed. And like I said, if it becomes a problem I'll use the packnplay's bassinet. I can actually take it out and place it on the futon as well.

The futon will be in the nursery, where the baby and I will sleep. We have a separate master bedroom where my husband will sleep. I am mainly bed sharing because of the breastfeeding. Who knows what will happen after that? I do not plan on sleeping in the same bed as a toddler, but then again who does?

The nursery will have a mesh baby gate on it so that the door can be open. The entire room will be baby proofed and safe for the child at their age range, like one giant play pen. Children can't move around that easily for a while and in that time the room can evolve. I can change the things that are no longer working. And honestly, I don't see the problem with a child tearing up their own room. That should be expected. The Montessori method actually encourages children to explore their space, hence the floor bed, open shelving, and kid sized furniture. Everything in the room is for them. Anything they shouldn't touch is on high shelves out of reach, or in another room entirely. Like the toiletries.

That room I linked to is just fine for a young baby and not a toddler. The mirrors and picture frames are acrylic, not glass. Honestly there was hardly anything in that room! I don't see anything in there that could be ruined irrevocably or be harmful to a not-yet-crawling baby, which is who the room was designed for.

I think that was everything?

I'm sorry that you were psychologically harmed by someone neglecting to transition you to an appropriate sleeping arrangement when you were too old for a crib. There is no reason that, if your child slept in a crib, you would leave them there until they were 5 and cause the same harm. You'd transition them as appropriate. I understand co-sleeping and if that's what you want to do, then fine, but I prefer the safety of a crib for my child. Please don't let your prior neglect turn you away from something that is perfectly safe for your child when used appropriately. To me, your neglect is not a good reason to not use a crib for your child. A good reason is that you like co-sleeping principles on their own merit. If you do, then go for it.

I was thinking along the same lines. It sounds like it might be helpful to talk to someone about your fear of cribs before the baby comes along since it is still affecting you today. I don't think a crib is a requirement for a baby, but your reasoning makes it sound like you could use someone to talk to regardless.

As for us - definitely not cosleeping. DH is a very light sleeper so he would never sleep. Plus, my cat is a snuggler and my DH has nudged me before when he thought it looked like I was about to squish the cat. If I can almost hurt my cat, I don't want to risk that happening with a baby.

Stellasmom · February 2011

https://sewliberated.typepad.com/sew_liberated/2009/04/finnians-montessori-room.html

Lmao! I'm DYING at this room! I can spot about 5 things that are truly dangerous for a toddler to have free reign around while unsupervised. A framed hanging MIRROR? Seriously? In pieces all over the floor in two minutes.

T.P. and tissues openly available? I hope she doesn't mind cleaning the whole box and roll up and replacing them daily.

A big ole WTF to a hurricane lamp in the room? And all of that "child geared artwork" will be destroyed being mounted so low.

Thos wall mirrors may be securely bolted, but give Junior 5 minutes at them with one of those expensive wooden toys and they're effed, and he's going to the E.R.

I think she's misapplying her preschool environment ideas (where children are entirely supervised) to a room that should be designed to be completely safe for an unsupervised child.

JenJar · February 2011

I like the room, but think it would be more appropriate for a preschool aged child. I personally can't imagine not sleeping in the same bed with my husband on a daily basis. I ended up bed sharing when my DH was working out of state for 8 months, and once we were back under the same roof, it definitely did not work for us.

lololoco · February 2011

When my DD was born, I had a bassinet we were going to have in our room and keep her there so I could easily nurse at night, change her, etc.

Well, I am a SUPER light sleeper, and every gurgle, movement, deep breath, any sound my baby made, woke me up. For the first week of her life, I was a zombie, because I wasn't even getting the 1-2 hrs in between feedings. Once we moved her to her own room in her own crib, I finally was able to at least sleep some.

When she was like 7-12 months old, she was the squirmiest sleeper (we'd watch her on the video monitor) and she would be all over, sideways, at the other end, etc. There would've been no way I could sleep with her cause she would have constantly woken me up.

I hope it works for you because I can tell you really want to do it. Just don't forget to take care of yourself too! Do whatever works once he/she is here so that you are all happy and well rested.

LJR 84 · February 2011

Well, considering DD is now 7 months old and yas YET to sleep in her crib, we won't be getting one right away for this baby.

I don't have anything against the crib, we've just been having DD sleep in our room because her nursery is upstairs and we're downstairs. We're having a hard time with the idea of her being so far away. Plus, she's still not sleeping through the night...so going up and down stairs in the middle of the night does NOT sound like fun!

veggiemomto2 · February 2011

For those SO adamant against co-sleeping, have you done your research or just blindly assuming that it's SO unsafe? Certainly certain precautions should be taken. Don't load your bed up with pillows, go to bed drunk, take sleeping meds - all common sense. But for as many scary things you have read regarding sharing the family bed being unsafe, there are just as many supportive studies and articles that give a whole 'nother perspective. Just food for thought. No one is knocking the crib (that I've seen), but unless you are well researched and have enough knowledge on the subject perhaps you shouldn't tell everyone how unsafe it is and how so and so's kid died from sleeping in mom's bed.

I don't know about others, but I don't want to share a bed with my husband at all. We are there to sleep. And I cannot sleep with him in the bed - end of story. He is all over the place and I just can't handle it. I can tend to the baby, he can sleep and get up for work the next morning. Sex/intimacy doesn't happen only in the middle of the night....obviously Not sharing a bed hasn't had one bit of affect on our marriage other than more well rested people getting out of bed every morning.

For those interested, a load of great links on co-sleeping:

https://www.kellymom.com/parenting/sleep/familybed.html

jessicaclare · February 2011

First of all, I'm really sorry for what you went through as a child.That must still be very hard.

As for not having a crib, that is just not something that would ever work for me. I'd be going insane in 2 days. I just like having my space away from the kids, its what works for us. But more power to you if this is going to work for you. Everyone is different.

I do have an honest question though (and I'm not trying to be snarky at all), what are your plans when your child reaches the toddler stage? Are you planning on going straight to a toddler bed? Still co sleeping?

ohfour · February 2011

I don't think anyone is crazy for wanting to breastfeed or co-sleep.

The first 3 or 4 months we used an arms reach co-sleeper attached to our bed. I was constantly waking up to stare at her and make sure she was breathing, etc. I am hoping to not be so paranoid this time, lol

ETA: Wanted to add that my 19 mo old comes in bed with us sometimes and on those nights I get NO sleep and usually try sneaking her back into her crib. She turns completely sideways and usually ends up kicking me in the face, or laying on top of my comforter with her head at the end of the bed and I can't cover up and am freezing lol. As long as you are flexible about it, and realize you may have to adapt based on your family's needs, I don't think you will be disappointed.

laurenbncha# · February 2011

veggiemomto2:

knocking the crib (that I've seen), but unless you are well researched and have enough knowledge on the subject perhaps you shouldn't tell everyone how unsafe it is and how so and so's kid died from sleeping in mom's bed.

I don't know about others, but I don't want to share a bed with my husband at all. We are there to sleep. And I cannot sleep with him in the bed - end of story. He is all over the place and I just can't handle it. I can tend to the baby, he can sleep and get up for work the next morning. Sex/intimacy doesn't happen only in the middle of the night....obviously Not sharing a bed hasn't had one bit of affect on our marriage other than more well rested people getting out of bed every morning.

For those interested, a load of great links on co-sleeping:

https://www.kellymom.com/parenting/sleep/familybed.html

I don't care what anyone does. I'm just saying for for me, the risk is not worth it. Yes, I HAVE done research.

As for not wanting to sleep with your husband, I'm glad that works for you. I think that I'm not alone when I say that that wouldn't work for most.

veggiemomto2 · February 2011

laurenbncha#:
veggiemomto2:

knocking the crib (that I've seen), but unless you are well researched and have enough knowledge on the subject perhaps you shouldn't tell everyone how unsafe it is and how so and so's kid died from sleeping in mom's bed.

I don't know about others, but I don't want to share a bed with my husband at all. We are there to sleep. And I cannot sleep with him in the bed - end of story. He is all over the place and I just can't handle it. I can tend to the baby, he can sleep and get up for work the next morning. Sex/intimacy doesn't happen only in the middle of the night....obviously Not sharing a bed hasn't had one bit of affect on our marriage other than more well rested people getting out of bed every morning.

For those interested, a load of great links on co-sleeping:

https://www.kellymom.com/parenting/sleep/familybed.html

I don't care what anyone does. I'm just saying for for me, the risk is not worth it. Yes, I HAVE done research.

As for not wanting to sleep with your husband, I'm glad that works for you. I think that I'm not alone when I say that that wouldn't work for most.

Oh I see. You want to go there. Well then, the "risk" is still there putting your baby asleep in a crib. As I said, some would argue that co-sleeping is actually safer. So while you have a right to your own opinion, I will disagree with it. I do not find co-sleeping risky in the least and yes it works for us. If it were actually dangerous, I wouldn't be doing it.

Co-sleeping Safety

Excerpts from a LLLI press release from September 30, 1999:

Dr. James McKenna, Professor of Anthropology at the University of Notre Dame, a member of LLLI's Health Advisory Council, and an expert on the subject of co-sleeping, believes there to be more danger in leaving an infant alone in a crib than in arranging a safe co-sleeping environment. He states, "We agree... that special precautions need to be taken to minimize catastrophic accidents. However, the need for such precautions is no more an argument against all co-sleeping and, specifically bedsharing, than is the reality of infants accidentally strangling, suffocating, or dying from SIDS alone in cribs, a reason to recommend against all solitary, unsupervised infant sleep." He adds, "While specific structural hazards of an adult bed are important, the fact that they exist means neither that they cannot be eliminated nor that all bedsharing is unsafe."

cmw&tdm · February 2011

We bought one before DS and planned on using it, but ended up cosleeping on our bed until he was ready to move to a toddler bed. With DD we went back to the same routine. I'll be using the crib mattress for DD's toddler bed this time so we'll probably take the crib down before this one comes.

laurenbncha# · February 2011

veggiemomto2:
laurenbncha#:
veggiemomto2:

I'm sorry I started it. Really, I just don't care what you do. I'm so glad that the research that you've done has led you to a conclusion that you're happy with. I'm happy with mine. Can we move on?

eta: I guess seeing my godson referred to as "so and so's kid" really struck a nerve. I really didn't mean to sound so disrespectful.

kmoses10 · February 2011

I don't use one with DD. I regret buying it to be honest. Luckily it converts into a toddler bed so it wasn't a complete waste.

I am thinking of doing a floor bed with DD after #2 arrives.

callen3 · February 2011

My only advice is to keep an open mind.

I don't think there is any universal right or wrong parenting decisions; we all have to do what is right for us.

But I do think that it always helps to have a plan B, because parenting is always a learning experience and what works one day may not work the next.

Good Luck!

BK33 · February 2011

Why wouldn't you sleep with your husband? I believe there is something more ritualistic and intimate (not sexually) about sleeping in the same bed with my husband. It's not just about sleeping. If your baby is in a bassinet close to your bed in the master bedroom that should work out fine for breast feeding. Also, it is very strange to sleep in a crib for 5 years. I'm sorry that that affected you in such a negative way but with convertible cribs, your baby can make an easy transition from the crib to a toddler bed. Personally, I think it is important for children to sleep in their own beds in their own rooms when they are old enough. It gives them a sense of independence.

clangley09 · February 2011

callen3:

I don't think there is any universal right or wrong parenting decisions; we all have to do what is right for us.

Completely agree with this. We will be using a bassinett in the master until about 3-4 months and then baby will move to his/her crib.

I'm not for or against co-sleeping, it is solely a parents choice. I do want to remind you that while you're a light sleeper now, you will have nights when you're so exhausted from caring for a baby all day that you'll find yourself dosing in a deep sleep. DH and I fostered a child at one time and I found this happening frequently. The baby slept in a bassinett beside our bed just as our own child will. We just wouldn't be able to have baby in our bed because I sleep with 6 pillows and have since the day I moved into my own toddler bed.

Good luck to you!

MrsGo4Hockeychick · February 2011

First, lets clear up something here: cosleeping is not bedsharing, FTR. Bedsharing is having your baby in your bed. If done properly, it is perfectly safe. Cosleeping is sharing a room with your baby, but baby is not in your bed. Also perfectly safe if done correctly.

More babies die in cribs from SIDS each year than do with cosleeping or bedsharing...the bedsharing families just make the news more, and 99.9% of the time, they were not safely bedsharing in the first place.

But, all you first time moms, be careful saying "never" for almost anything. You'll find yourself eating a lot of crow as you find yourself doing a lot of things you'd "never" do. I was a perfect parent before I had kids too.

Doats+ · February 2011

I think it's pretty clear that you're gonna get some strong criticism. If I were you, I would just downplay it to avoid the inevitable "tsk-tsks" that you're bound to get. As long as you're sure that baby is safe, it's nobody's business but yours.

alioopsiedaisy · February 2011

We won't be purchasing a crib right away no. My H will be deployed until baby is 4 months old so I plan on keeping her in my room (I may get a bassinet but for now plan on sleeping with her in the bed with me in a "Safe n' Secure Sleeper").

To each their own.

MissLMS · February 2011

I just wanted to add that just because you breastfeeding, it doesn't mean you have to cosleep or bedshare. I breastfed DD for over a year but she only shared a room with us (in a cradle by the bed) for 5 weeks before moving to the crib. It worked for us and didn't hinder nursing at all.

MissLMS · February 2011

One last thing... If you do plan on Bedsharing with your LO on the nursery floor, a firm mattress would likely be safer than a pillowy futon pad. Less of a suffocation risk, IMO.

Want a personalized experience?

Anyone not planning to use a crib?

Re: Anyone not planning to use a crib?

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