Thoughts on having kids when you have medical issues?

Vermillionsss · February 2011

I posted a ways back about the possibility of having Multiple Sclerosis. I have had some tests done, and nothing is conclusive yet. MS is still on the table. The husband and I were talking about having more kids, since we had planned on it since the beginning. The possibility of me having MS makes me not want to have more children. I don't want to pass it on to them. (I think I got it from my mother, although she is undiagnosed and is being tested) My H on the other hand, sees no reason not to go ahead and have more kids, since the risk is small and we want more kids.

How would you feel in this situation? I honestly can't think straight right now with all that I have going on. We were going to TTC in September before all this happened.

kerribear1717 · February 2011

It depends on what the actual percentage of possibility is. That being said as well, if your mother is still living and she has it, if you have a child that will get it, it sounds like they could live a great life and even be a grandparent themselves one day. If the familial type of breast cancer runs in a family I think it's like 80% chance that the next generation will get it. But I still don't even see how that would stop someone (my friend is thinking of this currently), as long as the person keeps up with their possible medical condition. Have you talked with DH about why you don't want to try again?

LCB34 · February 2011

We are in a similar position.

I desperately want another child. Desperately.

However, Kate is currently being tested for genetic issues and my husband and I cannot in good conscience actively TTC knowing we could be carriers of something.

We had an oops moment around my ovulation this month (we don't know yet if anything will come of it but chances are slim given my IF issues) and while I would love another baby, I feel like a total ass that there is a possibility that we might be pregnant given Kate's issues.

If Kate does test positive for a genetic condition, we will be done as we will not chance having another baby with the same issues.

ETA: I think my opinion may be a bit skewed since we are already dealing with the fact that something Alex and I might carry is greatly impacting our child. I might feel different if Kate was unaffected.

SnoopyLuv · February 2011

I don't know I went back and forth with this myself due to mental health issues and some other neurological things. Josie was a big surprise and now I really want another but I'm in the same boat, I don't want to have a child just to pass on something awful to them. MS is pretty awful, you have to imagine seeing your child go through something that could have been prevented. Sure, in the future stem cell therapy may advance enough but if it doesn't could you live with your child going through this day after day? It's all up to you.

For some time my neurologist thought I might have MS too so I did some research. I know that pregnancy can cause flare ups (particularly after delivery) did you have that happen with LO? Is that something you could deal with if after the next baby you had that happen?

I am so sorry you're going through this, I remember all the tests I had last year being so awful and anxiety inducing. My thoughts are with you and hopefully you get good news and a definitive answer. They ultimately couldn't figure out what was wrong with me but it's deduced that it's probably fibromyalgia and some degenerative spinal stuff. Goodluck to you, i know exactly what you're going through,

xche · February 2011

That's a really tough question and I'm honestly not sure what I would do. As PP said, it would depend on the odds of LO getting it. I remember watching an episode of "I'm Pregnant and..." about a woman who had HIV and wanted to have children anyway. I would have trouble knowing that I could pass such a horrible disease on to my baby, but if it's not life-threatening, the fact that you are putting a future LO ahead of your own wants and needs already makes you a better mother than many others out there..

Vermillionsss · February 2011

H and I have talked a little about it. We would have talked more, but we just found out that there's a good chance it is MS yesterday. After the dr. appt we just did whatever we could to keep our minds off it, since it's not definitive yet. And today, we've been working and haven't seen each other.

My issues are manageable, so I don't think they would become unbearable if I had another LO.

Thanks for the insight ladies.

Jenny SB · February 2011

I don't post here often, but my Mom has MS. She was diagnosed when I was in high school, although she had symptoms prior to that, just went undiagnosed for a long time. From what I understand, there is no genetic link for MS so I don't think you have to worry about passing it on to your children. I guess what I would worry about more than anything is being able to adequately care for your children. My Mom is highly functioning, she feels worse some days than others and has flare-ups, but overall is doing quite well. She takes a number of medications that help control her symptoms. However, everyone has a different experience with MS, I know my Mom is lucky.

I don't know that I would let it dictate whether or not you have kids, I just would want to know that I had plenty of support and help for when I needed it. Also, some research I've read had shown anectodal evidence of improved MS symptoms during pregnancy possibly due to hormonal changes. Good luck with your decisions and treatment.

kcfan729 · February 2011

Ok I am 29 yrs old and was diagnosed with MS several years ago. I just had a baby in November and I also have an 11 yr old son. We may want one more soon. MS has not been provin tobe passed on. no one in my family has it. The only real way to test for ms is spinal tap. My advice have the test and be correctly dx. I went for 5 yrs b4 getting the correct dx. I am not limited to what I can do. I just finished my ba in education while pregnant and did great. I would say that if you feel ok then have another. You will start on a MS therapy if dx and you may not be able to take meds while preg. I didn't take my shots for the 9 months just because it hasn't been tested as much as i'd like.

KatieGraceB · February 2011

I am with pp. It would depend on the chances of passing the condition on to the child. My SIL has a pretty severe medical condition. She has tumors on the retinas of both of her eyes that appeared when she was very young. She ended up needing one eye removed and is legally blind in the other. She had a baby with her husband knowing full well that there is as close to a 100% chance that her children will also have the condition as you can get. All she ever does is complain about how awful it is to live with this condition, how terrible taking her son for treatments is, and how expensive. But just recently they decided to have another because they really want more kids. And still all we hear is how traumatizing treatments are for their DS. That, to me, is pretty selfish. If it was going to be that bad, I would not put any future children through that.

SO and I had a lot of genetic test done on him and myself (because he also is a carrier of the same condition) when I got pregnant unexpectedly. Luckily our risk is slim to none, and any future children will be the same way, but even so, it is still a factor for us in deciding whether to have another.

Just the fact that you are worried about it shows that you are a great mama and are doing the right thing. Follow your gut and your heart and it will all work out.

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