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Toddlers: 12 - 24 Months
WDYT - 'slow' child in daycare
First, a disclaimer, I have nothing against developmentally slower kids or kids with special needs or anything, but there is this one child in my kid's daycare class who is special needs. She's on a special diet, and she is 'cognitively' challenged too. Like I said, I've noticed this child, but didn't think anything of it.
Well, one of the other mothers who's kid is also in the same class mentioned to me over the weekend that even though both of our children are starting to learn to say actual words and understand their meanings, that, because the special needs child only 'grunts', that she's noticed that her child has started to grunt for things instead of ask/talk in words that she's already demonstrated that she knows. And that it bothers her, (the mother), because she feels that it's going to delay her own child's language skills development.
Personally, I haven't noticed my child 'grunting' more than usual, but this other mother clearly demonstrated it in her child because when she says this other child's name, her daughter 'grunts' to acknowledge it.
I'm not sure how I feel about it really. I mean, I haven't seen any change in my child's language skills, but I clearly saw it in this other child. On one hand, I can understand her concern about her child regressing in language skills when our kids are at an age where they should be acquiring words and their meanings frequently, instead of grunting for language skills. But on the other hand, since I haven't seen any change in my child, it doesn't really bother me much. This other mother was also concerned because their kids are the same age and will be going through the day care classrooms at the same time, so her kid might be held back because the classes might be 'slowed down' so that the special needs kid will be able to keep up, whereas my child is 3 months younger, and will have a little bit of a buffer.
And, PLEASE, don't flame me because I'm NOT saying that this special needs child should be separated or not be with the other children or anything. I'm just asking what you think about it.
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Re: WDYT - 'slow' child in daycare
I think I lost brain cells reading this.
ETA: I'm sorry I wrote that, because that was mean & the next person wrote something a lot nicer. I wouldn't worry at all and I would be glad that LO is being exposed to all different people.
I really don't think it is slowing the other child's language skills. I think he is just imitating what he's seen another child do. This is normal, and he could just as easily imitate something an "average" child does, too.
I've worked in DCs a lot, and have observed a few classrooms that included a special needs child (though I was never the teacher in said classrooms). While having a special needs child might mean that the teacher needs to give that child more attention, at our DC, those children often had their OT/PTs come visit them and work with them to give them one-on-one attention. Also, those classrooms often had an extra teacher to help out.
From what I've seen, I think rather than holding the other children back, being in a classroom with a special needs child gives the other children and opportunity to learn empathy and to learn how to respect ppl who are different.
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E's DCP had a child with cerebral palsy for about 3 months, and I never noticed E's speech development any different. I had nothing wrong with it. My other problem with the child was he wanted to always take away the toys E was using. If anything, E is mimicking the child 6 months older than her. He says, "Gung" for Blanket and she has changed from saying "Blankie" to saying "gung." She has picked up more incorrect names from him than the special needs child.
Every child is going to mimic other kids and their behavior. The parents just need to keep reiterating the need to use words. I need nothing wrong with that. If the child grunts, do not acknowledge it or correct them. That is my opinion.
This is what I was thinking. Kids imitate. If it's obvious her child has all of the tools needed to progress on a "normal" level and is progressing, I would not let the fact that the kid is imitating another child get me down. I also think it's good for kids to be in an environment with all different levels of kids at this age.
Go Phils!!
Wow. The Other Mother needs to relax. First of all, this is the 1-year-old room, right? Kids are all over the place right now in their development, and I certainly don't care that there are some kids in my son's class who can't talk yet. This isn't AP English, either. I hardly think her child is going to suffer developmentally and academically because she's not being challenged enough in the 1-year-old room. And if she thinks she is, she's still the parent and can work with her more at home (poor kid).
I think it's a much more valuable lesson for kids to learn at a young age that everyone is different and to respect those differences.
Silly. I just can't say any more.
THIS!
I think the you and especially "the other mother" are making something out of nothing. It's not a big deal. Does she honestly think her child will not learn how to speak properly because of the special needs child?
Kids imitate. This is soooo not a big deal.
What if your (or the other mother's) child were in an at home day care setting, with kids who were substantially younger? Those kids would be making grunting or babbling noises, would not be walking, would not be eating solids. Would there be a concern then, of regression? I think you have to take the SN aspect out of it and just know that kids immitate everything that they see. And god forbid that the other mom go on to have a SN child - I mean, what would happen to her child then? Nothing.
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Ok, but that's what it sounds like you (or the other mother) would like. As a special ed teacher, this sends shivers down my spine. Kids imitate a grunt because it is a fun & new sound to make. The kid's language is not going to be delayed because she's exposed to someone with fewer communication skills. The world is made up of all kinds of people. Here's the perfect first opportunity to learn to get along.
First, as the mother of a special needs child, your use of the word "slow" in the subject is so fvcking horrible, you should be ashamed of yourself.
Second, I can't say anything nice to you, so I'm going to leave it at this. This is NOT a big deal. Kids imitate other kids. My child has his finger in his mouth all the time because one of the other kids at daycare does it. You know where the other kid learned it? Some other kid at his previous daycare. NOT something to get worked up over.
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I don't even have words for this post. I'm just going to give it a
And the other mom is an a$$hole.
I didn't even notice the 'slow' part of the topic headline : (
My baby is the only one in his toddler class (12-24 months) not walking (he is almost 18 months). Now I am wondering if other parents are worried that his crawling will make their kids stop walking. I don't know. I never really thought that other parents talked about the kiddies in a 12-24 month class. I mean, they are toddlers.... My guy is also the smallest and his vocab isn't as good as the others (we blame the ears). I didn't think I would worry about this stuff until he was older.
Go Phils!!
I wouldn't worry about it. Our LO's will be exposed to people with different levels of developmental skills their entire lives, and it's not something we can control (nor do I think we should try to). I'm sure there are also other kids who are more advanced than your LO's in the classes, so that might actually help advance their language skills.
DD went through a phase where she would point instead of asking for something, but we made her ask for it (b/c we knew she knew how), and eventually she stopped the pointing. I would suggest that your friend do the same for the grunting. If the child has already learned a word, they still know the word. It's not like they're going to forget what they have learned just b/c they see another baby not using the word.
As a parent and a speech therapist, I am beyond horrified. Take a step back and think critically about this. Do you REALLY think this child is going to impact your own child? Hell no. As people have pointed out, kids get all kinds of good and bad examples all day long. You're not worried about the nose-picker, the food-thrower, or the book-ripper, are you?
There is actually a post on the SN board right now about a daycare flipping out in an interview about a child's special needs, because they did not take the time to find out what was really going on. You can go read it and find a litany of responses from moms who have to live in fear that their children will be discriminated against like this. That people will rush to judgment and hold their child back because of a label.
A friend recently moved to NYC and has an amazing, fabulous daughter with Down Syndrome. The public school attitude was appalling for a city that considers itself so wonderful. Private was little better. She was actually told that her daughter might be mainstreamed elsewhere in the country, but that these were New York children and things were different.
There are times when a child's special needs make them inappropriate for a particular classroom. I will admit it because I have seen it, and because I am a logical person. This doesn't sound like one of them. This sounds like hyper mommies who probably want to teach their children all kinds of happy attitudes about diversity and difference, just as long as those different people are the right kind of different.
Also, I know this is me judging, but when I see this I read "I have nothing against kids with special needs until my kid comes into contact with one of them."
This!
I doubt that there is "another mother". You sound ignorant enough for it to be all you.
I'm assuming it's your child doing the grunting but relax. Special Needs is not catching.
I bet the special needs mom wishes that all she had to worry about was the grunting.
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wow, i'm trying hard to temper my response to this, because my gut response is ugly.
i don't have a special needs child right now. yet. who ever knows what is going to happen? try to put yourself in the position of the mother of this darling child with special needs... and imagine that this was being written about your DC on a message board. i'd imagine that would hurt your feelings immensely.
i do not think that this should be a serious worry for you. what an amazing opportunity for you and your child! right now, i think these children are going through normal stages of development.
i think your word choice of "slow" is offensive to many people.
This! But the nicer version.
This. People in this world need to demonstrate a bit more empathy for their fellow man (or mother in this case).
I don't normally respond to posts like this and you probably won't read all of these posts. However you and this mother are a-holes.
My daughter is different not delayed but is missing her left hand. So yes she is different. And none of the parents of my daughter friends are worried their children will imitate how my daughter uses her left arm to hold things and become delayed. Seriously open up your mind your kids will be exposed to different kinds of kids.
The other mom is reinforcing her child to grunt when she says the kid's name. That is freaking upsetting and crap, to be quite honest.
You do have something against people with disabilities, by nature of even asking the question. I realized you didn't want to be flamed, and I get that, but Please understand that it is important for people to stand up for issues like this. It is as crazy as thinking you get HIV by being in the same room with someone with AIDs.
OP- As most PP's have said, no, this won't slow down your child's development. I urge you to reassure the other mother of this as well. I'm sure the mother of the developementally challenged child would cry her eyes out knowing that others are worried about these kinds of things. I might suggest befriending the developmentally challenged child's mom instead of the other mother.
I am not going to beat a dead horse, but I agree with the PPs.
Just please consider this other mom. She would be heartbroken to know that an entire message board is talking about how her sweet baby is (according to this other mom) delaying other kids in the class.
Just as the other mothers child is mimicking the child with special needs; I'm sure that eventually the special needs child will start to mimick her child & yours. I see no problem or reason to be concerned.
My DD has a classmate that is autistic. The only reason I even know this is because I volunteered for a field trip they went on. The little girl is obviously slower than the others but it really holds no baring on my daughters development nor any of the other children's. I also know that in one of the older classes there is a child who has downs.
I just can't imagine that one child would hold the fate of however many others development. That really sounds ridiculous to me.
edit: It not only sounds ridiculous but also really ignorant & insensitive.