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April 2011 Moms
Shower...with men
My aunt and cousin who are hosting the shower for my mom's side of the family sent me the details today so I could double check them before they sent invitations.
Rewind to last time we had a baby shower on this side of the family...the whole family was invited, it was obvious that the men did not want to be there, and the poor father-to-be (who had never met any of us) was made to partake in all sorts of goofy games, wear a fanny pack loaded with baby necessities, etc... I remember leaving the shower and having my husband say "I hope they never try to make me do those things, because I would get up and leave." Normally he's a pretty laid back guy who doesn't mind being the center of attention, but this really got to him.
Fast Forward to today...I start reading the details for the shower and realize that they are including the men AGAIN. My first thought was 'Crap, how am I going to get DH to come to this.' Part of me thinks he should just buck up and go along with whatever they ask him to do...after all they are bringing gifts for us. But on the other hand, I don't think he should have to be embarrassed just because my aunt and cousin think it's fun to make him participate in their games.
I don't know why they think the men need to be there anyway - my uncles and male cousins are not the kind of guys who get into this stuff, they would much rather be sitting on a bucket ice fishing.
Sorry this got a little long. Just needed to get my thoughts out!
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Shower...with men
I have to say, I thought you were literally talking about showering with men. lol
My shower was coed, but we didn't play any games like that. Just ate and opened presents and there were maybe 15 close family members there. I would think if you guys played games like that, at least they could make it optional for the guys? I imagine that would be pretty uncomfortable.
I have never been to a shower with men included. However my family shower men are invited.
My DHs family is all about being together as a family no matter what the occasion. They are all very close knit. I love them all so this isnt an issue for me or my DH. All 3 of our children will be there as well and one is a boy.
Maybe you can call the host and tell them your DH might feel uncomfortable with the attention focused on him. See if they can come up with alternate games so he wont feel odd.
Invitations haven't gone out - they were just confirming the date, time and place with me, but I still don't feel like I can say something now. And since they had never mentioned including the guys when we had talked about it before I really didn't think anything of it. We have had several other bridal and baby showers on this side of the family that did not include men.
Me too! I was hoping for something juicy in here!
Anyway...maybe we're a weird situation, but we had a women's only shower for my wedding shower and baby shower, except I made dh be there. I figured 1/2 of the women were from his family, he could be there. The wedding shower he kept slipping out to watch some game on TV (it was hosted at my parents house, and totally fine-he didn't play any games). For our baby shower, we had it at church, played very few games (like guess the number of jelly beans in the jar, suggest names for the baby, etc.) and neither dh nor I played these. I would hope that the men who were invited would only come if they wanted to...and is there any way (depending on the setup) that your dh could come and just be in the room for opening gifts or something?
You should say something if it really is a problem. If you don't say anything, then it must be ok with you. That is why they are asking you to look stuff over. Also, if guys come, they should come b/c they want to. That is lame if they just come, don't have fun, and are "forced" to play the games. If they want to be there they can celebrate with you guys, and no one is ever "forced" to play the games. Sounds like a totally lame and miserable shower to me where the guest of honor is passive aggressive and upset that men are "forced" to be included, and the men feel like they are forced to play the games. No fun for anyone!
Showering with men? Yes! J/K.
Maybe you could ask if it's co-ed that there won't be embarrassing games--that way the ball is in their court, and they get to decide on which of those things is most important to them? I'm not a "traditional" sort of girly-girl, so my shower is co-ed and at my friend's yoga studio. In fact, she offered to host my shower on two conditions. (1) that it was co-ed and (2) that there were no silly games. She went to another shower recently that was all women and traditional and vowed to never do that again.
I would personally die if I had to do most of the baby shower games I've ever seen/heard of. Our "activity" is that everyone gets a baby onesie and fabric paints/markers and gets to custom make a onesie... Other than that, I think it's just eating and opening presents.
Mac and cheese lover!
I agree. My shower was co-ed and it went wonderful. DH was very happy to be included and to open all the gifts (even the pink frilly dresses). His sister threw us the shower and she wanted to play a game where the men had to diaper one another. DH simply told her he wasn't doing something like that so she decided to not do the game. It wasn't like our guests knew about the game ahead of time so they didn't feel like they were missing out on anything. I loved having a co-ed shower, personally.
If you want DH and other males to attend can you simply ask the hostess to leave out the silly games? I don't see why you can't approach her with your concerns if the invites haven't gone out yet and if she is coming to you for your approval.
June Siggy: Fave pic of Aubrey and me