Vent about a family member. (long)

daisydana · February 2011

So, my cousin and I haven't spoken in over a year. We had a huge fight while I was eight months pregnant. The day I gave birth, she sent me a text (I had Sydney at 5:30 am and she texted me at 9:15 pm) saying congratulations and that she wanted to bring her kids over to meet her when we got home. I was cordial and agreed. Until I thought about it. I was on cloud nine at the time. Later, when I reflected I decided I deserved an apology and a conversation about what happened. Don't just text me like nothing is wrong and we didn't have a fight and you don't have me blocked on Facebook (um, yeah).

The fight was about her not defending her family. There is a long back story that I don't have the energy to get into, but that's how our fight started. I asked her to delete a comment on FB and not only wouldn't she. She denied knowing that that person meant anything by it. She was playing stupid about it and, in the end, she is friends with that person... and half of her family isn't speaking to her.

Anyway... like I said, she chose (while I was still pregnant) to "block" me on Facebook. Incredibly childish and certainly - not the way to "mend fences". But, that's how it's been. Until now. In the last few days, I can see her posts on our mutual friends (and family's) pages. So, she unblocked me, I guess.

Here's my vent... why unblock me if you still aren't making an attempt to repair our relationship? Her decisions have affected many, many people in our family. It has cause other relationships to be strained. People chose sides. It hurt lots of people.

Please don't anyone suggest I reach out to her. That is not going to happen. My feeling are way too hurt. And, just so you know... this isn't how my family normally acts. We aren't all normally "fighters". I guess it just has to play itself out. Thanks for reading this, if you did It always helps to get it out there. Stupid Facebook, right? I seriously only put good things out there. Pictures of Sydney mostly. I don't know why some people use it like it's high school. Okay, vent (really) over now.

YaraC · February 2011

Stupid Facebook.

You'll get no mending fences advice from me. I'm a grudge holder.

Pesky · February 2011

You shouldn't mend fences until you are ready to. And you're not. Which is okay. Sounds like it was a deep cut and that's not going to heal overnight and her wacko immature actions don't sound like they are helping. It may well be that she is sorry and her acting as if nothing happened is her way of saying so (especially true among the conflict-avoidant). But again, if you aren't ready, it's pointless to entertain the idea of dragging an apology out of her. Keep the contact to what you are comfortable with.

itsmexine · February 2011

::hugs:: and yes stupid facebook. Who knows facebook may have made changes again and they may have unblocked you not your cousin.

And if you aren't ready to mend fences then you don't need to. You can do that when and if you are ready.

M.Amy · February 2011

YaraC:
Stupid Facebook.
You'll get no mending fences advice from me. I'm a grudge holder.

Me too. I am not saying it is right but I can't let things go.

Oh - and I HATE Facebook.

mama.bear · February 2011

YaraC:

Stupid Facebook.

You'll get no mending fences advice from me. I'm a grudge holder.

ooooooooh, how I HATE Facebook!

mtnrider · February 2011

I can totally relate, I disowned a cousin after a big fight. Why should you feel obligated to maintain contact with her just because she's family? Crazy is still crazy right?

As for FB, do you mean she unfriended you or just blocked your news feed from her view? You can easily check to see if she unfriended you by checking for her name on your friends list. And even if she unfriended you, you can still see her comments on your mutual friends' posts, but it shows up in a slightly different format. I learned this when my friend's mother unfriended me and I could still see her posts to my friend (her daughter). I got up in her face about unfriending me and she said she meant to unfriend another friend of ours instead of me...whateves...this woman is in her late 60s and acts like she's in high school!

I'm with you, I rarely post on FB and it's only to post baby pics!

ciarhwyfar · February 2011

Sadly, things like Facebook really are still high school. I personally refuse to use it or Twitter or MySpace. If people want to find me that bad, they can do it the old fashioned way. I also have a lot less drama in my life.

I am sorry you still feel angry about the situation with your cousin but I certainly wouldn't tell you to change anything until and unless you are ready. I have a sister I haven't spoken to in nearly fifteen years.

daisydana · February 2011

mtnrider:

As for FB, do you mean she unfriended you or just blocked your news feed from her view?

No I mean she BLOCKED me. She didn't just remove me from her friends list. She went into her administrative page and BLOCKED me like you would if I was a stalker or something. I can comment right after her on something and not know it. If I search for her, it comes up with no results. If my Aunt (other Aunt, not her Mother) posts we can both comment, but we'll never see each other... but my Aunt still will see both of us.

Someone else said that maybe FB changed it and not my cousin. I can see that happening. FB has hiccups once in a while and I did consider that's what is happening.

I CALLED her when we had the fight. She TEXTED me when I had Sydney. I HATE that people can't pick up the phone if they have an issue with someone. I know of a lot of people who take things the wrong way when it is in an email, or text - rather than in person. But... that's the world we live in....

I am just so angry about it. Recently I heard that she told someone that I have never LET her see Sydney. Pick up the phone, have a hard conversation, admit you were wrong and we'll see where it goes. But, am I wrong for not letting her come over to "see the baby" and pretend everything was good? I already know that answer. Never mind.

ateytelb · February 2011

Agree about stupid Facebook, that's why I haven't been using my account lately. If I want to connect to people I call/e-mail/text.

I would actually suggest not reaching out to her at all.

mtnrider · February 2011

daisydana:
mtnrider:

As for FB, do you mean she unfriended you or just blocked your news feed from her view?

No I mean she BLOCKED me. She didn't just remove me from her friends list. She went into her administrative page and BLOCKED me like you would if I was a stalker or something.

Wow I didn't even know you could do that! Guess I learned something about FB. Well, to that I would say....blocking sounds less permanent than unfriending because if she unfriended you then she'd have to re-request to be your friend again. So by blocking you it sounds like she was giving you the temporary silent treatment and that she didn't want to cut you off permanently. Not that it's any less juvenile.