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April 2011 Moms
What to do when BFF announces herself as Godmother...
Hello Everyone,
I just wanted to get some advice, ever since my best friend found out that I was pregnant she has been claiming to be the godmother of my child. Now my husband and I have not made any decisions as so who we want as the Godparents of our first born, but I feel this should be our decision (and i know it is). But how do I break it to her that she might not be picked as the godparent of our child, without hurting her feelings. My husband and I were actually thinking of just making her and one of his good friends godparents, but creating a living will in which we designate a legal guardian for our child in case something should happen to us. Please any advice will help thanks.
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Re: What to do when BFF announces herself as Godmother...
I like this idea.
First, I would decide who is going to be the baby's Godmother. If it is your friend, great. Just let her go on thinking it. I don't see the point in creating extra drama by saying "you might not be the baby's godmother" when, in fact, she might be the baby's godmother. Make a decision first, and stick to it.
If you do not select your friend, tell her over coffee or something that you and YH have selected _______ as the Godmother. Thank her for being so excited to be involved in the baby's life. Leave it at that.
Well, if she's been saying this for months now, I guess it's too late to make light of it. I probably would have laughed the first time she said it and said something like, "We'll see.. We haven't discussed Godparents yet."
It's ultimately up to you.. I guess it depends on how you see the role of Godparents. If having them be the legal guardian is NOT one of the roles, then the option you mentioned would work fine.
Thank, you for this information I did not know that, I was always under the impression that they Godparents are the ones the child would go to if something to were to happen to both parents.
This. My BFF will be our baby's Godmother (along with her husband I think), but if anything happened to us, the baby would go to my parents (then my sister, then a cousin of mine, etc). My BFF would be one of the last people that he would go to. Not because I don't trust her, but in the event of our death, we'd rather the baby go to family. I also agree with the poster that said don't say anything until you know for sure whether she will be the Godmother or not. If not, then I would just tell her. But if so, then great - unnecessary drama avoided.
I thought the Godparents were there to help with the religious upbringing of the child.
DS doesn't have any.
A godparent would serve as a spiritual advisor in the event of your death (and hubby's). A legal guardian gets custody.
AND, I was reading in a magazine that a "godparent" could be anyone for whom you would like to serve a purpose to your child. For instance, designate someone to take your kid to ballgames, carnivals, the beach, blah blah blah. Designate someone to be "musical advisor" who will teach your kid the guitar (for example). That way, good friends can play a certain role in your child's life and don't necessarily have to be a "God parent." I liked this idea a lot.
This.
A godparents purpose is strictly religious. Their job is to provide spiritual guidance to your child in the event that you and DH are unable to (because of death or other reasons). They have absolutely no legal claim to your child.
If you want to name someone as legal guardians in the the event of death you have to make a will and have it filed with a lawyer. Godparents and legal guardians can be different people.
If you decide to make her the godparent, that's great, but make sure you choose who you really want to and don't choose her out of some sense of guilt or obligation.
Good luck with your decision.
I like this suggestion!!
And I have to say -- when my first niece was born, I did kind of "assume" I would be the GM, but wasn't vocal about it like your friend. Well, my SIL just randomly in conversation one day said that "___ wanted to buy Niece's Christening Gown".. and I was totally caught off guard by it!! It was never discussed or brought up in conversation before that moment like "Hey so we decided, ___ and ___ are going to be Niece's Godparents". Since SIL were and are very close, I was definitely hurt by this.. I think the best thing is as soon as you have made your decision as to who will be Godparents to let your friend know. It will be easier on her and on you --the sooner she knows the better.
This is your decision and your friend is being a little presumptuous in thinking you are going to choose her. That being said I wouldn't say anything to her until you and your DH decide who the godparents will be. If you do pick her, then problem solved. If you don't, then as others have suggested, I would take her out for coffee and just explain that she is your BFF and you do love her but that you have decided to make so and so the godparents.
Also, Godparents have nothing to do with who gets your children if something should happen to you and your DH. Godparents are for the purpose of providing your children with spiritual guidance in your abscence. The have absolutely no legal standing. You need to file a will that will specify who will become the guardians of your child(ren) if something should happen to you and your husband.