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NBR: nervous about telling a friend about pg

hannah&benhannah&ben
in Success after IF

Just wondering if anyone might have some advice on how to handle this...

One of my girlfriends confided in me (during my IVF cycle) that she desperately wants to have children but her husband won't. 

The short version is that they decided before they got married that after X years they would start trying.  Well, it's been X years and her DH decided to change careers and go to law school and now says no babies till after he is "set in his career" (who the heck knows how long that will take.

So - she told me this was causing a huge rift in their marraige (but not enough to want a divorce).  She's torn b/c she wants to support him but she also wants children... she's now in her mid 30's and he's asking her to wait several more years.... really tough situation.

I'm so nervous about telling her I'm pregnant... I just don't want to make her sad... do you think I should tell her in person - via email - something else?  She knew about our IVF cycle but no details or dates or anything but I know she's getting curious.

Any input appreciated -

Hannah

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Re: NBR: nervous about telling a friend about pg

  • TakYelgifTakYelgif

    Sounds like her husband is finding ways to avoid ever having a child, that is sad and I feel very badly for your friend.

    That being said you should tell your friend that you are PG, to not tell her would make her feel like she is being left out, I had a friend who avoided telling me she was PG while I was going through IF.  When she finally did tell me I already knew and was pissed that she didn't trust me enough to recognize that I would celebrate her pregnancy.

    Invite her out to dinner or coffee and tell her, let her deal with her grief in her own way just be a supportive friend.

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  • hannah&benhannah&ben
    Ugh - that's what I think (that he just doesn't want kids) but apparently she asked him about that and he swears that's not it :(
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  • lolalillielolalillie

    I agree with the pp.  It sounds like her husband does not want kids because he keeps pushing it back and at this rate it could be years before he his set in his career.

     I would tell her sooner rather than later.  I too had a friend get pregnant when we were going through IF and it hurt so terribly that she waited so long to tell me.  She also waited until the very end of a phone conversation (one that lasted an hour and one in which I detailed my first RE appointment and how sad I was, etc).

    She knew about your IVF cycle and knew that you all were trying.  It is going to be hard for her but it has also been very hard for you.  It is a tough situation.  I wish you the best of luck!!

    It took over four years to be diagnosed with PCOS. We TTC #1 for 18 months, did 5 rounds of Clomid and finally moved onto IVF...which worked! Throughout our IF journey, we suffered 3 miscarriages. We conceived both DD and DS without treatment.
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