I just got a call from a former co-worker who I was friendly with. She had somehow gotten copies of some of my wedding pictures so she called to comment on them. She kept saying there was no way that I was not having red-headed kids after seeing my wedding pics and DH's family etc. She just kept saying it over and over again and I was screaming inside "I'm F'ing starting infertility treatments next week". Of course she has no idea what's going on and wasn't saying anything to be mean etc. I just want to do an Infertility PSA for the world: Never comment on people having kids unless they bring it up".
Vent over...
TTC #1 since 8/1/10; Me:41 and BRCA1+, DH:46
DOR (FSH 24.3)/ terrible egg quality ; homozygous MTHFR c677t
5 IUI's: 2/11 to 6/11 and 1/12= BFN
OE IVF#1-4 8/11-6/12= all BFN
DE IVF#1 11/12 bad embryos= BFN
DE IVF #2 2/13 BFP/Beta hell: m/c 5w6d
CFNBC 7 months, not doing well; decided on guarantee program at RBA w/frozen DE
DE IVF #3 1/14 ET 4BB; BFP;M/C 5w1d, incomplete m/c; MVA extraction in ER 7w1d
DE FET#1 ET 3/1714; BFP, beta 1 3/27= 197, beta 2 3/31= 1586, beta 3 4/7= 13879!!
First u/s= Twins with HBs at 6w2d! We are Team Pink x 2!!
K & K born 11/21/14 at 38wks 4 days
SAIF/PAIF Welcome
Re: I hate when people talk about my "future" kids...(vent)
Is sounds like that was tough on you.
I think I process this stuff differently than most people because I find it incredibly reassuring when people mention me having children in the future. But I also talk openly about my multiple failed inseminations which most people find weird.
http://oi62.tinypic.com/2w73hq9.jpg
Give me a couple cocktails and I would probably talk as well. I just hate that people assume everyone can have kids the "easy" way. I was probably that way "before" and didn't even realize it...Karma!
TTC #1 since 8/1/10; Me:41 and BRCA1+, DH:46
DOR (FSH 24.3)/ terrible egg quality ; homozygous MTHFR c677t
5 IUI's: 2/11 to 6/11 and 1/12= BFN
OE IVF#1-4 8/11-6/12= all BFN
DE IVF#1 11/12 bad embryos= BFN
DE IVF #2 2/13 BFP/Beta hell: m/c 5w6d
CFNBC 7 months, not doing well; decided on guarantee program at RBA w/frozen DE
DE IVF #3 1/14 ET 4BB; BFP;M/C 5w1d, incomplete m/c; MVA extraction in ER 7w1d
DE FET#1 ET 3/1714; BFP, beta 1 3/27= 197, beta 2 3/31= 1586, beta 3 4/7= 13879!!
First u/s= Twins with HBs at 6w2d! We are Team Pink x 2!!
K & K born 11/21/14 at 38wks 4 days
SAIF/PAIF Welcome
http://waitingforraintostop.wordpress.com
http://oi62.tinypic.com/2w73hq9.jpg
Yeah, I hear you. I dislike "when you guys have kids" because my heart screams "what if we can't?!?!".
I try to take it as a positive, though, similar to what BGG said, maybe it means it's meant to happen? It's positive energy coming my way, right?
DS born via unplanned C-section at 40w6d
It sucks, but truthfully, unless you have been there, you have no idea how a seemingly innocent comment about future kids could be insensitive to someone else.
I almost get a little eyeroll at the hard-core IF board members who automatically take every little comment so personally, but I do understand it.
Really, what I think it booils down to is that IF is such a taboo subject. If more people were talking about it and treating like a real illness instead of some sort of defect, then people would be more sensitive and there would be better healthcare coverage.
We would never tell a breast cancer patient her boobs look great. But that's because it's ok to talk about cancer and it's not ok to talk about IF.
true dat
DS born via unplanned C-section at 40w6d
My Blog
The part I get irritated with is that statements like this presume that 1) a couple can have kids, and 2) the couple wants to have kids. Having children is such a personal decision between the couple, that I stay as far away from any discussion of children as possible. Not only that, it kind of implies that the couple, as people, isn't worthy as individuals in their own right without children - that seriously bugs me.
I understand completely. What aggravates me is those people who every time I see them say, "do you have any news for us?" or "how's the baby thing coming along?" I know they mean well, but for me it is so hard to talk about to family and friends. I feel like telling them to just leave me alone. Our fertility is not for everyone's attention. It is very personal for us since it has been difficult. Especially since we are nearing the end of our road with fertility.
I agree - NEVER, EVER bring up pregnancy or anything to do with it until we bring it up.
I finally had to tell my family and friends that no news is NOT good news and that I would update them when I had something to update them on.
Most still ask though... including my very pregnant sister.