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Success after IF
christiney06
member
wow, the U.O post really makes me sad....
christiney06
member
I know this may sound lame, but I really thought this board was different. I have seen the unpopular opinion post before on other boards, but i don't remember it being on here ever. I just got through reading it and I will be honest that I am pissed.
I know I am not a crazy active poster over here, but I do stop by once a day to see what is going on. this board (and TTTC) have been such a help to me over the past 4yrs and it really makes me sad that other SAIF'ers parenting techniques were brought into it. go ahead and bash Irish names, cats, dogs and Brad Pitt but PLEASE do not "give the side eye" or say that I am disrespecting my child b/c I use a monkey leash on him. I got lucky w/ IUI, thankfully I didn't have to go to IVF, but it was still Hell to TTC and I am the most thankful parent ever for the miracle currently playing beside me. the last thing I need when we are gearing up for a return to the RE is to come onto this board and have my parenting choices bashed.
if there is one thing I've learned since becoming a mom is to not judge til you've been in that situation. I am pro CIO, but i am not going to go and say those who don't do it are crazy. if there is a post about it and someone asks, then great. we are all doing our best as moms and Daveswife, until you have a crazy toddler who screams like his legs are getting ripped off when you put him in a stroller, please do not condescend to me. I guess this isn't the supportive place it once was and it sucks.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: wow, the U.O post really makes me sad....
While I may agree with somethings you have said, and generally stay away from topics such as the UO posts, I do have to disagree about your last sentence.
This board IS just as supportive as it has ever been, even if they do throw in a UO or two every now and again. People have opinions, and I do not take them personally. I know no one will ever agree to everything I do as a parent, or a person, but I do not equate that to being un-supportive. When I need support, they are there.
After 7 years trying to concieve, 3 failed IUIs and 2 failed IVFs, my third IVF was a success!
My Christmas baby turned into a turkey bird! Dillon Richard was born at 34 weeks, 5 days on November 28, 2009 after 10 weeks on bedrest for preeclampsia.
<a href="http://smg.photobucket.com/albums/v705/arriinthere/PJ/?action=view
I think you might be having a rough day. This post is a little bit dramatic and maybe reflects that. Hopefully you'll take a step back and re-evaluate. The post was meant to be unpopular. Nobody pointed fingers at a certain person. I'm sure dog lovers are saying ouch too but nobody is hiding in the corner licking their wounds. I'll agree that the post probably isn't a productive one, but it was all in fun. I think you've taken it too seriously. Hopefully you're feeling better soon.
HUGS
ETA: I just read a reply from you on this board that wasn't exactly supportive and basically questioned someone's parenting decision. It wasn't worded very gently. Is there a double standard here?
Why are you letting it get you so worked up? Everyone has their own opinion and this is a public message board where people are free to say whatever they want. Having said that, I think people around here are very supprotive. We all raise our children differently and no one way is right.
I respectfully disagree with Davez opinion on child "leashes". But I dont let her opinion make me mad or make me feel like a bad mother. (And I dont have a leash but there were many times I wished I had one). Just as I am sure when she said it, it was not her intention to make people feel that way.
I like having those polls, it is just something a little fun and a little different from time to time.
. I dont think they UO post is a big deal. Maybe you need to get thicker skin if you were really that offended by some of the stuff. I believe that this board will be a supportive board regardles of posts like that and to be honest i gets slow and boring around here a lot so I think those kind of posts are good.
And just for the record I have never put my kids on a leash and don't plan to but I have to laugh at people who would judge a mom of multiples for doing it at the very least. People with singletons have no idea how hard it is to when you have two toddlers going in different direcgtions... Again I don't use them but whatever.....
that "leash bash" was not about you. Or you (points over there) or you (points over there). It was my opinion. And to some, it's unpopular. Maybe I should have gone with my thoughts on adult women wearing piggies, lol.
I bet you're a great mom. I bet you respect your child, and even think the leash is doing him a favor. And you know what? That's YOUR right as a mom. You get to do what's best for your child. Don't go bashing me because you DO NOT AGREE with me. I don't insist that you agree with me, and no one here is. MANY women don't agree with my leash view. who cares. I don't go around picketing BRU or chasing moms down in airports. The thread was started, and I (respectfully, I thought) offered up my contribution)
To sit there and equate my opinions on leashes with the supportiveness of this place is IN MY OPINION... just silly. This board effing ROCKS in that arena.
Oh wait, disagree? Meh. Oh well.
I definitely believe in "don't judge until you've been there" because all of our parenting styles are different, and all of our children are different, so of course one way of doing things won't work for everyone.
That said, I have never felt judged by any of the ladies on this board!! I admit I'm not the most active poster, but the support on here amazes me. I respect the opinion of the ladies on here, and I have learned so much by coming on this board! I am pretty certain that no one posted anything that was intended to be "judgy" They were just opinions, and we're all entitled to them!
I don't mind the UO posts at all... however, if I'm having a bad mommy moment/day, I tend to avoid them so that I don't take anything the wrong way or feel like my parenting skills are inferior. But generally speaking, I enjoy reading them and don't take them personally in any way!
I have to respectfully disagree with you. This is THE most supportive board you will find. It is very very rare to see the petty, judgmental crap that you see on pretty much every board. Heck, IF even became quite obnoxious at times. Like I mentioned in my reply, in general, everyone on this board is able to at least be civil when discussing things they don't agree with.
I agree that you are taking it way too personal. While some of the posters may have worded their opinions a little harsh, who cares? They are just opinions, and what is said about opinions? They are like @ss holes, everyone has one. I'm sorry if you felt attacked in anyway, I've been with these ladies a long time and I promise that is not something that is intended or something that happens, at least not overall. Some of us do express our thoughts very bluntly but I really don't think anyone intends to hurt someone else. Besides, as a mother, you can not let what people say about your choices effect you so much (I myself have learned this quite a bit lately). Your decisions are your decisions, and it really doesn't matter what someone else thinks. There are always going to be people who don't like you or what you choose to do in life, and there will always be people who think they know how to live life so much better and wiser than you do. But no one else gets up in the middle of the night with your kid or cleans up their vomit when they are sick, so it shouldn't matter so much what people say or think. All that matters is that YOU are sound & solid in your parenting choices and techniques.
I give the sideye to people who let their kids sleep indefinitely with them, in their room. It's an unpopular opinion, but it's an opinion & I don't expect anyone to change their practice just b/c I think this way. I give the side eye because at this point, I, myself, can't imagine doing it. But I don't bash anyone about it or question how good of a mother they are over it. As an opinion of mine, it's also quite possible it may change, as I get further along in my momma journey. People will read this and disagree totally, but I doubt anyone is going to rake me over the coals with it or feel that I am an unsupportive, uncaring person.
Ditto this! I have two cats who sleep with us in the bed every night and who are definitely part of our family. And I'm a non-CIOer who was up 3+ times a night from 6-8 months and whose child didn't STTN until 13.5 months. But I'm confident enough in my decisions that I'm not offended by anyone who disagrees and I respect their right to do so!
What I do works for me, not necessarily for anyone else. And vise versa.
I agree. I do enough walking on eggshells for all the fertiles in my life. This is the one place where I can find people who really get it. Not just the sunshine pumpers who like to throw the obligatory "I understand" out there.
I have a dog and I love her. I call lulu/lucy my furbaby. she sleeps at the foot of my bed. I have my other dog's ashes in the living room because I cannot commit to a place to bury him. this dog truly saved my life after the death of my mom.
the same women that said they hated dogs and they're nasty, they stink... are the same women that sent me over 100 christmas ornaments this december. do I take offense to what they said? naaaaaah. unpopular opinions are exactly that - unpopular. opinions. support is entirely different.
2 infertiles' journey to 2 pink lines (and a baby girl)
"our IF story"
word. Your kid is not my son. He's yours. YOU get to make the parenting decisions. (and FWIW, I'm 'prolly just being a little baby here... I carefully worded my U.O. to say me, me, me. *I* think they are disrespectful. I didn't say the moms who use them are. There's a difference in vernacular, at least in my head.)
IVF #1-4=BFN IVF #5=BFP! U/S on 5/3 revealed TWINS!
Now I need to go back and read the UO posts:)
Just for the record I am currently searching for baby leashes, so Davez put that in your pipe and smoke it:) hahaha Love you lady:)
I couldn't agree more about the support of this board. This board is awesome!
Savannah
Callista
Baby Trail Blog
"Someday we will look at our babies and know it will be worth it. If it was easy, we would not have had our babies, the babies we were meant to have." From Amy052006
I am not a fan of the UO threads in general. I do think that they breed drama, and this post is exactly why I don't like them. Someone always gets their feelings hurt, and if people are so desperate for a UO thread then I think they can go to any of the months boards and post there. However, I am the kind of person that might get my feelings hurt, so I am not going to open them in the future. Maybe you should also just not open any future UO threads and the problem will be solved...
P.S. I would not accuse this board of not being supportive. I think it's totally the opposite. I'm not a frequent poster, but I have seen ladies get behind anyone on this board that needs anything from t&p's to recommendations/advice, to material donations. No other board is as supportive as this one IMO.
You need to post more often -- Hazel is ridiculously adorable!
I am sorry but this is TOTALLY different. I disagree w/ your pedi, not you. as far as you wrote, you hadn't done it yet. thus, i can not be bashing your decisions. there are many many posts on these boards about rice cereal in bottles and most of them will say the same thing, it's not going to do a thing. I consider that more of a fact than an opinion, but i am sorry if my response angered you.
I am also sorry if you all think i am overreacting by calling out Davez. I know she is a big poster on here so I expected the troops to rally behind her. I would not have blinked an eye if her post said "I don't get child leashes, it's not something i would ever use" instead of basically saying that the airport/no stroller thing is Bullsh*t and that it's DISRESPECTFUL. I have still not gotten a response about why it is either. I'm sorry , but the dogs thing is also way different. I know a lot of you have dogs, cats, iguanas...whatever. they are your family and that is fine, but they are still not kids. esp. on this board when someone has had so much trouble getting pregnant, to say they are disrespecting their kid is an insult. it's all in the wording.
I can appreciate needing to vent, but if it's about parenting choices/techniques then I would hope that those people that feel the need , would do it on another board. that is the last thing that most of us need to hear. I think hiding behind the whole "hey, it's just a U.O thread, no harm!" is cowardly. your thoughts/insults do matter to some, so please think before you type. the whole argument of "don't let other peoples opinions get to you " is great in theory, but really....does anyone believe that?? if any of you that said that, posted a "my 3rd IVF cycle failed" post and I wrote "oh well, sucks to be you!" YOU WOULD CARE! it's called having a heart and emotions, esp. w/ being a women.
I'm guessing this is you UO?
Seriously though - while I love these ladies dearly, I really don't care if they judge me on my parenting choices. If I don't even let my mom tell me how to raise my children, why would I care about a bunch of semi-strangers on the internet. I KNOW I'm doing right by my kids and EVERYbody can judge if they want.
That being said, I love my SAIFers. I've gotten nothing but love and support. Even when people don't agree with my choices, it's always done with the utmost respect. I appreciate and value the honesty.
4 Fresh IVF cycles + 1 FET where embies didn't survive the thaw = 2 perfect little men!
sFET 11/9/11 - Beta 11/18 BFP!
no one is scolding you for calling me out, I'm a big girl, we can disagree.
You basically called my kid a wuss b/c she's a girl. Do I care? eff no. this whole thread has gotten silly, IN MY OPINION. (well, it WAS silly to begin with, this board ROCKS. Not just with the glitter farts thrown my way, but Rock's way, lurker's ways, EVERYONE's way.... this board REEKS of supportiveness. )
Now I have a playdate to attend to. And a Babz to smack. Excuse me. lol.
This is all that matters in the end. WHY do you care so much?? Heck, say "F u Davez" in your head and move on.
I really am sorry you feel hurt & unsupported. But something you said kind of offended me....The part about everyone rallying behind Davez. I love Davez, but I am not so shallow that I would comment disagreeing with you just b/c your aim was directed at her & her opinion, and I doubt (at least I would hope) that is similar to how most others believe as well. By saying this, you are essentially negating the support system we have here, claiming that we are selective based on "who you are". Again, I just don't believe this applies to this board, like it does so many others and I hope it never does.
sheesh. people are trying to respectfully disagree with you here. go easy.
if the girls on this board like to do UO threads, they have a right to their preference and a right to post what they like. if you don't like UO threads, DON"T READ THEM. that's the advantage of naming it a "UO" thread. people know what's inside, it's not like it's a shock to open the post and read unpopular opinions. you are fully warned of what's inside.
so, how about the people who like UO threads write them, and you don't open them? we can co-exist on this board and support each other without agreeing on everything, and i think it's okay to have differences on everything from dogs to child-rearing to whether UO threads should exist.
word. just because we love davez doesn't mean we won't disagree with her. this isn't junior high.
seriously?? the key word in your sentence is BASICALLY. which means, that i didn't say that at all. you are twisting my words. I didn't twist your words at all, you wrote it and i repeated it. in my experience over the past 2yrs, little girls are calmer than boys. they sit and play much nicer and that is a GOOD THING! I would never call a toddler a wuss, that is just wrong to imply.
What do you mean by this?
And strollers, Davez? How could you! You are pushing your baby AWAY from you when you have them in a stroller!
I'm sorry the post upset you and that you took it as a direct judgment of your parenting. That certainly was not my intent, and I think the more "controversial" posts like UO have been very well received lately because frankly, as the population grows into more experienced parents with fewer day to day concerns, the board gets slow and those posts are a good way to "spice things up", get some nice discussion going, and to get to know one another. I think that people were pretty tame for the most part and no one got too in your face or harsh with opinions. Regardless, now that I know that some (not only you) don't like UO/etc., I won't be initiating them anymore because I don't want to alienate folks. I'll participate if others start them, because I think they're fun, but I don't want to personally cause drama.
That said, I think it's very unfair to equate an UO with lack of support. Context is key. I may say I hate Irish names, Davez may hate leashes, JillRock may hate pierced baby ears, but none of us would ever respond to a poster here looking for support/help on such a topic and say "Well, that's a stupid name, I hate Irish names", or "You're disrespecting your child if you put them on a leash" or "You're a cruel mother for piercing your babies' ears." This isn't hiding behind the UO label, it's recognizing that people state these opinions because they REALIZE that many disagree with them - they're likely in the minority. And we don't go to the baby/trimester boards for this because we don't know those people, don't care about their opinions and don't want the REAL drama those posts cause. Usually such posts remain drama free here.
Also, while I consider myself hypersensitive and often project others' statements as judgment of myself, I do think it helps to take a step back and let things roll off. I could take SO much in that post personally, even going so far as personal attack based on context and where some posts appeared - but I'm not, I'm just ignoring anything that could apply to me personally. Yes, names/pets might be a bit different than parenting, but Davez isn't the only one with parenting opinions in that post and there are some posters I love who commented on things I do - I'm not offended that people may find me crazy for not CIO or blame me for complaining about my guy's sleep. I'm cool with it. If they replied to a post of mine complaining about the sleep and said "You are crazy not to CIO" or "You have yourself to blame" I might feel differently, but I choose to take comfort in what I know is best for my child and my family.
I hope you don't decide not to spend time here anymore - it really is just as supportive as always and we stand behind ALL of our ladies. Not just the "popular" ones.
Well said, perry. I totally agree.
I
this.
I'm never living that one down, am I?
And I very intentionally did NOT say hate. Hehe.
I agree I have found so much support here from women whom I have never even met....but who "get" it.
Dx: PCOS, Anovulation, RPL
Born via emergency c/s February 9, 2008 - 9lbs, 3 oz!!!!
TTC# 2 since February 2010 - BFP #1 Sept 2010-(5mg Femara, 1500mg Met, Ovridel) Missed M/C at 10w2d, discovered at 13w2d, D&C at 14w
BFP # 2 - February 2011-(1500mg Met, HCG Injection) Missed M/C at 10w1d, discovered at 10w3d, D&C at 11w...RPL testing came back all normal.
Trying again. June 2011 - Clomid/1500 mg Met / Baby Aspirin - BFFN!
July 2011 Femara/1500mg Met/ Baby Aspirin - c/p
August 2011 - Femara/1500mg Met/ Baby Aspirin - c/p
September 2011 - Puregon/ 1500mg Met/ Baby Aspirin - BFFN!!!!
After 2 rounds of IVF & 2 rounds of FET, we were blessed with identical twin girls!
Because we're fancy like that.
Haha! Thank you, I will try
Honestly if you can't take the heat- don't read them. UO's can be fun sometimes- how boring would this world be if we all thought the same and have the same views on things?!
I said that cats were sneaky and snobby- and schmoodle (who has a cat) thought it was funny! Did she get all crazy and become offended?! NO! I love dogs ( and have a dog) am I offended if someone doesn't like dogs- NO! different strokes for different folks.
Seriously please don't take everything so personally and be so insecure in your parenting decisions- I don't give a rats a** if someone else agrees with how I parent or not- and I don't care how others parent- as long as it's not child abuse or affecting me or my family to each their own. I do like hearing others views on things- espically ones with older children- they give me ideas for the future if I agree with them great, if not- oh well- the world goes on.
TTC #1: IUI #2 = BFP , Betas 550 (16 dpiui), 1523 (18 dpiui)
Hypothyroid, LPD, FSH 13.0, TTC 2 yrs B4 BFP
TTC #2: FSH 23, AMA, IUI 1, 2, 3 = BFN, IVF #1 = MC
IVF #2 = BFP - Betas 194 (14dp2dt), 366 (16 dp2dt), 841 (18 dp2dt)
(vanished twin ~7 weeks)
Yup.
and here is the thing. We all judge. Not one of us can say they don't. But judging a parenting choice does not mean that i dont support the person who makes that choice.I can rally behind a person who makes choices I dont agree with, because support is about a person, not an action.
I am really against spanking. So I dont. I don't like leashes either. So I don't use one with my kid. I dont like cosleeping with infants. So I didnt. I dont think starting solids before 6 months is a good idea. So I didnt. I think all babies should Rear face until they reach the limits of their seat. So Ethan is still rearfacing.
do I care what you do with your child? Sure. I form my opinion about it, I might even worry about your kid. But in the end, you are the parent, you get to decide, just like I do.
For the record, I am not so much rallying behind Davez as I am rallying behind the board. I dont think Davez needs anyone to rally behind her, but I think people are most definitely reacting you the idea that we are somehow less supportive if we are human, and express our opinions.