a little update...and a little vent

Jezebell26 · January 2011

Hi Gals....

So i was supposed to go for our IVF consult on Monday...based on that statement i bet you guessed that we didn't go. Nope, DH freaked out and had me cancel the appointment Sad He is starting a new job tomorrow (same company, new position and location). He never mentioned that he was worried or stressed about it. Apparently Monday he broke down and didn't want to take the hour drive to the RE then sit and talk about IVF and then drive home. I didnt know what to do so i just cancelled the appointment. Now that his schedule is changing i have no idea when we can go back. The nurse needs enough time to process everything and order my meds so she told me not to wait too long. His schedule doesnt let him come home too early anymore and they dont do consults on the weekends. Great, now what....

Yesterday was a ridiculous day for me. Had to leave work early. I was just a hot mess and wanted to throw in the towel. Thankfully DH came to the rescue and helped me get through the rest of the day. I just want this all to be over with and i dont want to take any more medications that screw me up and i want the old me back Crying

So i ordered DH the book "How to Make Love to a Plastic Cup" and it arrived yesterday. I thought it would be great and he'd enjoy it. Instead he complained about it and had this horrid look on his face when he read the title. I was crushed. I yelled at him and said since he wont talk to the dr about anything and he wont talk to me about anything, i bought him a f-ing book. Now he can read it wherever he wants whenever he wants and i dont have to know about it. He didnt say anything else and either did i. Now im kinda regretting the purchase. Why is DH making this more difficult then it already is??

Well thanks for letting me vent a little, on a good note i have a nutritionist appointment today to hopefully drop some weight before the IVF. Thanks for listening. Have a great day! Beer Drinks

c&n06 · January 2011

awww sweetie sending you HUGE (((hugs))) I hope that DH turns around and you can reschedule your IVF consult.

Jezebell26 · January 2011

Thanks c&n...im hoping for next week. I am so anxious and know we need to prob start meds the end of Feb or so....ugh...men lol

Kathy4678 · January 2011

(((hugs))) to you. I'm sorry you and DH are having a rough time. We went through the same thing- lots of rough patches and finally came out ok on the other side. I hope things get better for you!!

punkymama · January 2011

((hugs)) I am sorry, hopefully you & YH will get back on track soon.

SeptemberBride'08 · January 2011

(((hugs))) I'm so sorry.

I got DH the book too and know he likes to spout off information because he actually "gets" it. Hopefully your DH will come around too. Maybe have a heart to heart with him so he can get out his fears so you guys can move forward.

Jezebell26 · January 2011

Thank you all for your kind words. You really know how to make a girl feel better! Yes

Im hoping that he will peruse the book maybe on the train going to work or maybe in the bathroom lol. I really thought it would help being that its from a guys perspective. Im hoping we can schedule the consult and then he can open up or ask questions or something. I know its hard and i know it will take time, but it still svcks Thank you all for your hugs!!!!

cutebride73 · January 2011

(((hugs))) This is just so hard, so very hard on us and them (them being the men in our lives). I just think they can't always process things the way we do. I know that sometimes I get frustrated b/c I know all of this information, I do research, I watch youtube videos on injects and DH does nothing. He listens to me, but hasn't a clue about most of it. In our IVF consult I thought he'd ask more questions (I gave him the paperwork to read over the night before) and he didn't. He just sort of goes along with it all.

I know you are having the opposite problem, since YH had a freak out, but it is just frustrating all the way around. I guess there is just not really a way for them to understand it completely. How important it all is, the timing and what it does to us emotionally. I really hope YH comes around and at least reads the book and gets on board with going for your consult asap!!

Jezebell26 · January 2011

cutebride73:

(((hugs))) This is just so hard, so very hard on us and them (them being the men in our lives). I just think they can't always process things the way we do. I know that sometimes I get frustrated b/c I know all of this information, I do research, I watch youtube videos on injects and DH does nothing. He listens to me, but hasn't a clue about most of it. In our IVF consult I thought he'd ask more questions (I gave him the paperwork to read over the night before) and he didn't. He just sort of goes along with it all.

I know you are having the opposite problem, since YH had a freak out, but it is just frustrating all the way around. I guess there is just not really a way for them to understand it completely. How important it all is, the timing and what it does to us emotionally. I really hope YH comes around and at least reads the book and gets on board with going for your consult asap!!

Thanks cute! You are totally right. I feel the same way. I do all the research and watch videos, and consult you girls, talk to other people i know who did ivf, network to find the best drs and hospitals and facilities, and he just shows up. Its so frustrating that he doesnt take more of an interest being that its his child too. I asked him the other night about putting the baby on hold and maybe buying a house first. He actually got kinda mad and said no way, we worked too hard for this and have come so far that we are NOT turning back now. It is not even an option open for discussion. So at least i know we are on the same page and he is willing to do what we need to in order to get the result we desire. I mean, no one said it was going to be easy. But at the end of the day I feel he still doesnt understand me and still doesnt get why i sparatically cry and scream and yell lol for the most part, I dont even understand why i do half those things Tongue Tied

All in all, this was his first freak out and it was more about the job then it was the IVF. He just couldnt deal with both at the same time and i knew it would've been a horrible appointment if he would have went. Im hoping next week will be better and we can have a nice appointment with clear and open minds.

Thanks for your support! xoxox *hug*

Maddie753 · January 2011

Im so sorry! Sending you a huge hug lady!!!

OCW2010 · January 2011

Oh hon im sorry. is there a way to do the consult by phone?

my h pretty much just goes along with everything, like cutebride says.

i hope he comes around and soon. *hugs*

MrsVo · January 2011

I'm so sorry you are going through this. I can relate to the DH bit too. When I get upset about things he will often remark that we should go back to trying "the old fashioned way" which I find even more upsetting since obviously the old fashioned way is not going to work for someone who does not ovulate. Ugghhh. Men!!

Jewlz018 · January 2011

venting definitely helps sometimes. :-) I'm sorry YH is having such a hard time. Hopefully he will be able to communicate with you soon about his feelings (although I know this is hard for a lot of guys). Sending big hugs your way.

Good Luck at the nutritionist appt. today! I know dropping weight is never easy. Let us know how it goes.

magnolia_femme · January 2011

I'm so sorry, hon. MH was the exact same way. Hopefully, when YH goes to to consult, he'll get lots of information and feel better about the process, especially if you have an RE who is man-savvy.

I bought MH the book too, and it really helped him. I'm sure if YH reads it, he'll feel better about things. I hope you can get through to him how important all of this is to you.

DH and I had a big talk about everything, and he confessed to feeling like everyone was telling him to support me, help me, be sensitive to me, and no one was supporting him. I had no idea he felt that way, and while it annoyed me at first (I'm the one going through all the medical stuff, yeesh!) I got it. The problem is, there aren't a lot of resources (e.g. T-TTC for men) for them and it can make them feel really isolated.

GOOD LUCK at your consult. Maybe call the RE before and share your concerns, and maybe ask him or her to make sure there is plenty of time for questions, reassurance, etc. (((hugs)))

june06nj · January 2011

Sorry to hear that. Just wanted to say hello, I spoke with you months ago. I live in Jersey too

I hope everything works out for you, and DH understands you are trying to help. I ordered the book for my kindle, but getting my DH to read it will be tough. I may just as well read it to him... lol

What RE are you going to?

tst1998 · January 2011

I'm so sorry about everything you are going through! It's so hard when you and YH aren't on the same page. I feel like DH is just barely coming along with things right now, and if we have to do anything more aggressive than IUI's, he's going to balk. He's supposed to drink more water this month, because his sample at the last IUI was "thick" and our RE says that can happen if you don't drink enough water. He won't even agree to drink more water!! "I don't like water," he says. Well, I don't like having an ultrasound probe in places I'd rather not talk about 3 times a month, but hey. You do what you have to do. I think I'm going to win this argument.

I've tried talking to him about what we'll do if this doesn't work, but he refuses to talk about any "what if's" and I am such a planner. So I'm just trying to take it day by day, and vent to my friends (and you all--my internet friends!), which keeps me from feeling totally alone.

renee3n2008 · January 2011

((hugs)) I'm sorry.

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