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IRL judgment for "extended" BWing

anna7602anna7602 member
in Attachment Parenting

I am definitely too sensitive, but I thought I'd bring this topic to the board for your perspective. I sent a message out to a wide group of friends with toddlers this week re: carriers for an older toddler. Some people's responses probably seemed harsher in writing than if I'd spoken to them on the phone, but I felt a little discouraged at the amount of "Oh gawd, I haven't worn the kid in a million years, he's WAY too big for that now" responses, as if there's a "right" age at which to stop wearing a child (and I completely realize that's me reading into these responses, it's just that I got quite a few of them).

The one response that really threw me for a loop, though, was one from a very AP friend with a child about 2 years older than mine who gave me a very thoughtful answer on the merits of each carrier I was considering. She then concluded with a few lines telling me that despite thinking this or that carrier seemed better for an older child, she really thought I should "encourage my DD's independence by letting her walk more and making it clear that she needed to stay by mommy in crowded places" rather than just wearing her for my own convenience.

I think I was probably upset because now I'm concerned I am somehow limiting DD's independence? I DO let her walk, but no kid her age is up for walking 10-20 blocks in a day. I know plenty of people who still use strollers with the close-to-age-3 crowd, so why would wearing her be more limiting? Or am I just making excuses for myself and is my friend (whose opinion I really value) making a very valid point?

My mind is all over the place now. 

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Re: IRL judgment for "extended" BWing

  • americanadaamericanada
    just think of it as the times you 'would have' put her in a stroller...except you're putting her in a carrier. it's your life and your child. do what makes you comfortable and happy.
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  • LouiseB2001LouiseB2001 member

    imageamericanada:
    just think of it as the times you 'would have' put her in a stroller...except you're putting her in a carrier. it's your life and your child. do what makes you comfortable and happy.

    This.

    Plus I see absolutely no connection between 'learning independence' and walking long stretches vs. being worn. I really don't. 

    Single mom of DD (2010), TTC #2 since June 2013.
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  • two-pink-shoestwo-pink-shoes
    I think your friend has a point and I would think the same thing if you wore your DD all the time, but it doesn't sound like that's the case.  Wearing her when she's tired and doesn't want to walk or just wants to be close to you is great though, easier than a stroller you'd feel annoyed to have when she decided to walk.  Presumably, as she gets older she'll be more likely to want to walk herself more often.  I think as long as you don't force BW on her and let her 'wean' herself from it it's all good.
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  • lgmom2010lgmom2010
    imageLouiseB2001:

    imageamericanada:
    just think of it as the times you 'would have' put her in a stroller...except you're putting her in a carrier. it's your life and your child. do what makes you comfortable and happy.

    This.

    Plus I see absolutely no connection between 'learning independence' and walking long stretches vs. being worn. I really don't. 

     

    I agree with all of this.  

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  • Bride2b2004Bride2b2004 member
    Valid point to consider.  Around 3 children are ready and IMO doing the things they can do themselves s/b encouraged.  I still think you should have a carrier for long trips, little legs get quickly tired.  However, walking herself should always come first.  Just like you should let her dress herself and other age appropriate things at her speed and help when needed.  This all builds LO's self esteem & confidence.  Try not to be sensitive, I am sure she is just giving general advice.  Some people don't let their kid's feet hit the ground- stroller or baby carrier, that isn't the best thing for LO.
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  • WyoGalWyoGal

    You're pretty much car-free or car-light right?  If walking were my sole mode of transportation I'd definitely use a stroller or carrier far more than I do now AND I'm pretty certain M would also be walking outside the home more than he does now.   I'd guess in the rest of suburban/rural America our kids spend far more time in their carseats than your LO will ever spend in a toddler carrier.  

    I want M to hike with us and he'll likely be in and out of our framed backpack until we hit the 45 lb limit.  Maybe that's for my convenience, but if he hikes for an hour and wants to ride for two more, that's fine by me and IMO walking is a far healthier, better activity to model (carrier or stroller) and I wouldn't feel guilty about harming his independence or self-esteem at all, provided I always intend to give him a chance to walk as long as he can or we're able to go at his pace.   Allowing kids to sit down and take a break when they're tired but continuing to go about what you need to get done seems to be a pretty healthy way to balance your family's needs.  

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  • anna7602anna7602 member
    imageWyoGal:

    You're pretty much car-free or car-light right?  If walking were my sole mode of transportation I'd definitely use a stroller or carrier far more than I do now AND I'm pretty certain M would also be walking outside the home more than he does now.   I'd guess in the rest of suburban/rural America our kids spend far more time in their carseats than your LO will ever spend in a toddler carrier.  

    You bring up a good point about the car. A lot of times, I wear DD because we have a limited amount of time to get somewhere. Like the play date we were invited to today, for example. By the time I convinced DD to put on her snowsuit, boots, etc., the playdate was an hour in. If I'd let her walk there, we would have missed it entirely. I'm sure another mom in a different city would have decided to just drive over to the playdate if it saved her 1/2 hour- 45 minutes over walking there. (And in most places where my friends in other places live, they wouldn't even consider walking in the first place even for a short distance because of lack of sidewalks or just habit.)

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