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Babies: 9 - 12 Months
Is this condescending?
Disclaimer: This is about my nanny, but honestly I'm not trying to complain about her. I love my nanny and I wouldn't want to lose her, which is why I'm trying to be careful how I approach this situation.
Ok, so here's the deal. My nanny has poor eating habits. She's skinny as a twig herself, and I know the way she grew up (poor people food) so I'm not blaming her for the way she eats necessarily, but she eats mostly junk food. I know this because she lives with us.
My concern is that, while she doesn't feed LO straight up junk food, she also doesn't seem to have much concern or idea about what to feed him. Example: We have a block of organic cheddar cheese in the fridge, and a stack of processed American cheese that she buys for herself. When she makes LO a grilled cheese, she chooses the processed cheese because that's what she likes. I think it doesn't occur to her not to do that. Same goes with sodium content in foods, and making sure he has a variety of fruits and veggies each day (she will give banana with each meal instead of switching it up). Before I specifically told her she had to give a fruit and/or veggie with each meal, he was eating primarily carbohydrate rich foods.
OK, so that said, I want to find a way to help her without having to constantly give instructions and reminders. I want her to feel responsible and also confident about making good choices, without feeling like she's just doing what she's told. I tried to find and infant/toddler nutrition class in my area, but no luck so far.
So here's my idea - I was thinking about giving her an assignment by giving her several links to websites with guidelines and research about nutrition, and then telling her to come up with a full weeks menu of healthy food choices for LO including breakfast, lunch, dinner and snacks for both home and on the go. Then I was going to give her a budget of say 50 dollars a week to take LO to the store with her and buy him food. I was thinking it might also be a good learning opportunity for LO because she could show him the foods and teach him the names of foods.
What do you think? Do you think this would be a good way to get her to be independent about making good food choices, or do you think it's condescending?
I'm open to alternate ideas also 
TYIA
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Is this condescending?
Happy Birthday, little man. We love you so much!
My favorite money saving tip: I've earned more than $300 in gift cards (Amazon, Starbucks, Southwest!) using SwagBucks for internet searching - and you can too! It's FREE and EASY!
It probably would be easier at first to make it myself, but then that removes all the responsibilty from her on how to make good choices. Ultimately, I view this as an important part of her job duties that she should be responsible for.
I'm sorry I wasn't intending to offend anyone with that comment. I also grew up poor.
Whether or not the economic system encourages poor people to make unhealthy food choices is a whole different debate, probably for another thread.
I think if you frame it more this way, and not so much on her apparent ignorance of healthy foods, it will not come off as condescending.
Ok fair enough, but I have already told her that, and I think she genuinely doesn't know the difference. The only other option for me is to assume that she is purposely disregarding my instruction to her, and I really don't think she's doing that.
Who buys her groceries? Do you think you pay her enough to purchase organic cheeses? Not trying to be snarky.
I personally try to buy organic for LO, but it's expensive and we were not raised on organic.
I think first you should tell her how you feel about it and then approach her with the project. Although I would try to word it differently. I hope she goes for it and it helps her to understand food better.
Is it just me or are some of these responses a little beligerent? LOL
Sorry if I came across as a jerk in my question. I wasn't trying to.
Hmm...I honestly think it skims the line of condescending. I guess it would somewhat depend on the relationship you have with her, whether these expectations had been previoisly discussed, how you approached it...etc, etc.
For me, it's the "giving her an assignment" part that comes across somewhat condescending. I don't think it's unreasonable that you expect her to do your child's meal planning and follow your dietary guidelines. Maybe sit down with her and go over that expectation again and give her an initial lists of the foods that are approved by you (or refer her to the websites or maybe get a book?). Ask her to come up with a menu plan and then go over it with her saying you just want to make sure you guys are on the same page.
If you approach it like...."I need to read this information and educate yourself and then I'm going to test you with some menu planning"...that could not go over so well.
And with that said...I'm going to make some grilled cheeses with processed American cheese...
You'd be basically giving her homework and then a test, so yes, I think is condescending.
Besides it is just easier if you make the menu for a couple of weeks. Eventually she will know what to feed and what not to feed LO.
Yeah, we buy all the groceries.
Just as a side note, I'm not trying to teach her how to eat for herself, just things like how many fruits, veggies and proteins LO should get. Stuff like that.
I don't really care about the processed cheese vs. organic per say, that was just an example. My problem with processed cheese is the additives.
Ok, this makes sense to me.
I'm so bad with people
Honestly, this whole thread makes me sad. I'm really not a jerk I swear. Somehow I just don't know how to phrase things diplomatically.
Sigh.
It strikes me as condescending. Your concern is your LO, not her eating habits.
You employ her to take care of your LO. If you want her to feed him certain foods, you need to make the menu for her, or compensate her for making said menu, especially since you would change it if it is not healthy enough.
vegan mama, military wife
I wasn't trying to be snarky, so I apologize if it was taken that way. I simply meant she is your employee and you shouldn't have to tiptoe around a way to get certain goals accomplished. Reading the OP, it seemed like sending her shopping was a way to learn more about the benefits of eating organically in hopes she would choose to do the same with her own diet. I meant who cares what she eats, as long as she is following your wishes in regards to LO. Just be explicit and tell her what you want.
I find that comment very offending!
As you should.
Why would you hire someone to live with you to take care of your child if they weren't going to do it in the manner you want? And why is it her repsonsiblity to feed your child? I know those questions are beside the point so to answer your question, yes it's condescending. Create a menu for your child and ask that she follow it and be done with it. This is all completely under your control!
I think it is a great idea. I agree that it is part of her job taking care of LO. You are being very understanding and not judging her or thinking any less of her because she does not eat as healthy as you like. I think she will learn more if she reads up on things herself instead of you just saying you want LO to eat organic/healthy foods. She probably wont look at you as a picky mom, but may learn to eat better herself.
I seem to be misunderstanding of the point of a nanny if they aren't supposed to feed your children
It may be a little condescending. However, most daycare instructors have to have received training in nutrition. So, you have the right to ask her to learn a little more about nutrition for your baby.
On the other side, it would probably be easier for you to just make the menu.
Ditto. It's not like the OP is asking the nanny to pay for the food out of her own pocket. Many daycares include food once the kid is eating table food and it is THEIR responsibility to ensure a balanced diet.
I think it depends on your relationship with her and her personality. And her age.
I never actually nannied but when I was a Senior in high school my boyfriend's mom worked until 8PM three nights a week. My boyfriend went to Tucson for college so he was no longer able to help with the kids (she was a single mom) so I went to her house every day after school and spent time with the kids. We did homework, played games, I took care of dinner, baths and getting them in bed. (I'm telling you all this because I'm trying to put myself in your nanny's shoes.)
I am the kind of person that likes to do research. If I was your nanny I would enjoy the task.
But it depends on your approach. I have no tact, so I'm not sure about the wording you should use. I don't think I would call it an "assignment," though. That seems a little condescending. I have "assignments" to do at work, but it seems different for a nanny for some reason.
Maybe if you approach it like you want to change her duties now that LO is getting older? Tell her that you want her to make LO's menu because she'll be the one fixing the meals and you want to give her some freedom but you'd like to review them just to make sure? IDK....like I said, I don't have a lot of tact...
Oh, I like that. I like it a lot.
DD1 Feb 2010
DD2 Sept 2011
My boss gives me assignments all the time. That's what bosses do. Your job is not going to be the same day in and day out (especially as a nanny) so of course her responsibilities are going to change as LO gets older.
And feeding a LO is most definitely a nanny's job. My DCP provides food after DS is 1 and we'll be having the same discussions about nutrition with her to make sure we are all on the same page.
Happy Birthday, little man. We love you so much!
My favorite money saving tip: I've earned more than $300 in gift cards (Amazon, Starbucks, Southwest!) using SwagBucks for internet searching - and you can too! It's FREE and EASY!
As others have said, I would not make her learn anything or make her food shop, it isn't part of her job. I think an assignment would be insulting.
I don't see an issue with just saying that you would prefer for your child to eat the other cheese, and tell her exactly why. I don't think saying that you don't want your baby to eat something with a lot of artificial ingredients is something anyone would take offense to. I have worked in a day care and as a babysitter and I honestly wouldn't think twice if a parent told me about a food preference for their child.
If you want her to have some freedom, set up a system where she can choose what and when based on a list. Like Monday the child eats cheese, oatmeal, banana, pear, blueberry, chicken, etc. and break those things up into serving sizes for her. That way, she would only have enough of each fruit for one meal, not unlimited amounts of banana for the day. Or maybe, just mark all the food you want the baby to eat so that she knows whats OK and what is not, or put it in a certain area of the refrigerator.
As for the poor people food, maybe she just likes it. You say she is thin, so it doesn't seem to be having any effect on her weight, and she is an adult so she must know something about nutrition, its all over the news every day. I know diet coke is bad, but I am drinking one right now.
If you really want to be careful about insulting her, maybe make up a lie about reading something or seeing something or being told by the Dr that you must only be giving your LO organic or minimally processed foods or something.
Thanks everyone for your thoughtful responses. I appreciate your help with this.
Management is a struggle for me, mostly because I know I'm bad with people and I have a tendency to alienate people anyway, I guess just with the way I say things normally, so I get nervous about stuff like this.
I will think more about this and figure something out. I probably won't go with the "assignment" idea after hearing all your feedback.
All of this x100000000
Caring for a newborn is different than caring for a toddler, therefore her responsibilities have changed. If I was promoted to a manager and my boss told me I needed to obtain further training in order to better understand my new duties, that is completely understandable. I don't think this situation is any different.
Although it may be easier to just create the menu yourself, you also want to know she is able to perform that task herself if necessary. If she has been your nanny for some time, I would hope you are able to go to her and ask that she learn more about the proper nutrition for a toddler.
I think I would be preparing the food and menu with her and during that time, telling her what is and what is not to be fed to LO. So if we wrote grilled cheese on the menu, I would write the ingredients I want used and make it very clear what food is unacceptable and why.
It might be a bit of work at first, but it educates her while you are planning the meals together. Maybe give her the extra literature/websites to review if you feel like she is still not getting it?
While feeding the baby may be her job, deciding what to feed him is yours. Make a list of foods you'd like him to eat - group them together ( veggie and fruit group, dairy group, protein group, etc), and have her pick one from each group per meal. That way, it does give her some autonomy, and as time goes on, she will most likely get the picture.
You can't expect her to be responsible for making wise food choices for your LO when she is clueless about nutrition. Honestly I think your asking a bit much for her to research the subject and come up with a menu. My suggestion is to give her a sample menu for say 1 or 2 weeks. Then ask her to complete a menu for the following 2 weeks. She can use yours as a template. Go over it with her and explain why something she chose doesn't work or explain what's missing on a nutritional level. Be sure to give her explicit guidelines to follow (like organic dairy products only) so even if she doesn't understand why she gets what's expected of her. Eventually she will be able to make choices for LO herself once she learns your expectations.
I understand why you are so worried. I would be too. I would not trust her to make any food decisions for my LO.
I haven't read all the responses, so I'm sorry if I just repeat what someone else has suggested. But, if she's having trouble making the choices you would make with his meals, then I would provide her with more guidance with meal planning.
So, taking your plan and modifying it, I would sit down with her and together plan out the meal. You can explain why you prefer certain foods over others and demonstrate the level of variety you think is best. Then, she can take the list to the store and go shopping with LO. Maybe repeat this enough times until her participation ups when you plan meals and until you're confident she understands the type of diet you want for LO.
I don't think giving her some resources during this process is a bad idea at all, maybe get a book for reference or give her some links.