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Pregnant after a Loss
Is it really a loss?....blighted ovum
So I know this might sound weird b/c the loss felt so significant and I still get sad about it. But at the last visit for THIS baby the US tech asked about the miscarriage I had in May and I told him we never actually saw the baby and that I miscarried at week 7. So he said it was possibly a blighted ovum where a baby never forms.
So now I feel like my feelings of loss aren't valid anymore because even though we thought we were having a baby for those 4 weeks after the BFP there may have never actually been a baby....
It leaves me feeling conflicted. It's easier to think that there never was a baby and it makes it less sad and more medical. But at the same time we were SOOOO excited and I definately feel like we lost a "baby".
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Re: Is it really a loss?....blighted ovum
IMO, it is a loss. Your feelings should not be discounted if you had a b/o.
I'm sorry you are going throught his.
Gone but never forgotten, our three angel babies Jude, Mary and Gerard
I think that no matter what, you lost the potential of a baby and a future addition to your family. So whether it was a blighted ovum or not, you had a loss and you have a right to mourn that loss.
But you'll never know what really happened. If it helps you to think that no baby formed, then its ok to feel that way too.
No matter what, you lost a pregnancy and it sucks to have to go through it but you made it.
You shouldn't feel like your loss in invalid. Listen, I lost my first baby at 5 weeks. At that point, he/she wouldn't have had a heartbeat. So that's not much different than a blighted ovum. And I felt that loss (and still do) very profoundly.
A loss is a loss.
It is absolutely a loss! I felt like this for a long time after my b/o - like I was being silly for mourning something that wasn't even there. I did my research and I have to reassure you that a b/o does not mean that there was no baby. There was a baby - it just stopped developing very early and was reabsorbed by your body. It was a living thing that had dividing cells and developed to a certain point before it stopped. It is not unlike a chemical pregnancy where you are pregnant, but instead of triggering a m/c, your body just continued on as if the baby was still developing. I was 9w when we discovered the b/o and I had my D&C at 10w3d. I had m/s and beta levels in the 40,000s. My body still thought it was pg and I probably would've continued thinking I was pg until it was time for the placenta to take over hormonal regulation.
On top of the physical loss of your baby, you made plans for that baby. You imagined yourself pg in a certain season, figured out when you would be able to find out the sex, planned a coming home outfit, and fit that baby into the dreams you had of your future life. You are mourning the loss of what you thought would be and that is a real loss that you deserve to allow yourself to feel. Please don't discount or downplay your grief - it is most definitely, most painfully real.
*hugs*
I totally understand what you are saying. I had a blighted ovum and while the thought of it tears me up still, and I consider it very much a loss, it somehow kind of comforted me that there was not a heartbeat that stopped.
You're feelings are very valid in feeling it was a loss. But I know how it is to run into people who have not been through it and dont understand.
I have had three losses. The first was after we had seen a heartbeat, the second was a blighted ovum, and the third was a chemical PG.
Honestly I really grieved the first two in the same way... for me, even though the chemical PG was still a loss, it was the easiest since I was only pregnant (at least that I knew of) for a few days. With the other two, I was pregnant for much longer, so that made the losses so much harder... Not that there is any specific time frame that makes it "valid" (not true - a loss is a loss at any point) but I'm just saying that for me, that was the easiest to deal with.
Sorry that is rambling - the point is that I grieved my b/o the same as I grieved my other m/c after we had seen a hb.
This is a topic near and dear to my heart. I had two blighted ovums. After my first loss, I was both comforted and confused by the idea that a "baby" never formed, and I never thought of the loss as an actual baby. Yet, I still grieved what I thought had been, and I finally decided it was ok to feel both ways at once, like I had lost a baby, and like it was ok because there never really was a baby. (Does grief have to be logical?)
But, after my 2nd loss, it really got me thinking. I found out almost immediately that we had another b/o, but it didn't diminish the pain. I also found out through testing that it would have been a girl, and that made it so much more real. From that point on, I started to think of both losses as actual people. Yes, the baby never got to the stage where you could tell it was a baby, but I do believe that at conception life begins. Well, my babies were conceived, they were my little specks of life that never got to grow any more than that, and then they died.
So, yes, I feel that b/o's are just as much real losses as any other.