Anyone else a little disappointed about baby's sex?

Kierasmommy09 · January 2011

Lisa102304:

amatistajoy:
She's mourning a dream. That is different... it doesn't mean she is immature or cares about her baby any less. I think the mamas who understood were mostly the ones whose families were complete... not the mamas just starting to grow their family.

I agree with this.

While I was disappointed for a little bit, I got over it. But it is hard - knowing this is the last baby and I will never have a son. That is hard. Even knowing my baby was healthy, and by any opinion I am very very very very blessed.

I did not have ANY of these emotions when I found our sex with DD1 - because we were starting our family. But now, knowing our family is complete? I had to adjust my thinking and my vision of my family.

All of this, from both posters.

Potelia · January 2011

I know exactly how you feel. My husband already had a daughter when we were married and has talked about "giving my son soccer lessons, watching football with him, hanging with my little guy" for the past 3 years. I longed so desperately for a boy for my husband, it took everything I had not to break down into tears in the ultrasound room when we found out we were having a girl. It took me a little while, with prayers and acceptance, to realize that our child was conceived out of love and that God has a plan for our second little girl. We will try once more after this child and I will be praying for God to "grant us the desires of our heart," that time around. Ironically our current daughter (now 13) informs that she she feels better about having a little sister as she "already knows what to do." Everything always has a way of working themselves out. Praying for a peace to surpass all understanding comes your way...

leb2be · January 2011

luckybride1128:
amatistajoy:
She's mourning a dream. That is different... it doesn't mean she is immature or cares about her baby any less. I think the mamas who understood were mostly the ones whose families were complete... not the mamas just starting to grow their family.
Seriously? Mourning a dream? Try mourning the abrupt end of a pregnancy due to miscarriage and then come tell me you're disappointed about your healthy baby's genitalia.

yes...SERIOUSLY...mourning a dream...

i'm sorry for your loss.

Pythia1022 · January 2011

luckybride1128:
amatistajoy:
She's mourning a dream. That is different... it doesn't mean she is immature or cares about her baby any less. I think the mamas who understood were mostly the ones whose families were complete... not the mamas just starting to grow their family.

Seriously? Mourning a dream? Try mourning the abrupt end of a pregnancy due to miscarriage and then come tell me you're disappointed about your healthy baby's genitalia.

She was in no way trying to make less of your tragedy, or anyone else's. Chill out. She's adjusting her mindset and expectations, which is totally normal; as is being upset or disappointed. I'm sure the disappointment will go away soon enough, but it isn't wrong for her (or anyone else) to react similarly.

LJR 84 · January 2011

Gender disappointment is very common. I've never personally experienced it, but those who feel the need to b!tch out the OP and tell her she needs to just "be happy her baby is healthy" are totally missing the point. The original post has absolutely NOTHING to do with losing a baby...so I don't see the significance in bringing that into it.

And those who have such a problem with "posts like this", don't open the thread! It's so, so simple. Or maybe you are all just a bunch of idiots.

AliandJimmy · January 2011

I was shocked when the turtle head appeared on the screen during our anatomy scan! The hubs and I both thought I was carrying a girl. It took a minute for it to set in that we would be buying more blue and green over pink. Now it's all good, I can't wait for my little man to get here! I wasn't upset that I was having a boy but it did take a minute for me to really grasp that I may have to be quicker when the diaper changes and things like that lol

kaydogger · January 2011

Holy cow people on this board sure act high and mighty when they find something they don't agree with. Did OP ever say she's not going to love this baby? No. Why does anyone on here care that she's *slightly disappointed* she's never going to have a girl? I saw nothing on her post saying she's ungrateful or truly upset about it, she just wanted to get her feelings out. Back off!

RumbleLina · January 2011

luckybride1128:
amatistajoy:
She's mourning a dream. That is different... it doesn't mean she is immature or cares about her baby any less. I think the mamas who understood were mostly the ones whose families were complete... not the mamas just starting to grow their family.

Seriously? Mourning a dream? Try mourning the abrupt end of a pregnancy due to miscarriage and then come tell me you're disappointed about your healthy baby's genitalia.

How douche of you to bring miscarriage into the topic to suggest her feelings meaning jack shiit.

JNBrickey · January 2011

slgbreeden:
wow get over it, you have a healthy boy on the way! now you have plenty of hand me downs from your whole family, jump for joy. Just be happy for what you have and if you want a girl, adopt one:)

Yes, because adoption is super simple and happens with the snap of the fingers. These are always the replies I find most ridiculous. Adoption is near-impossible for many, many people for various reasons.

othello888 · January 2011

I wanted a baby girl so badly, and I got one. Am I a bad person? Does that mean I didn't care if she was healthy or not, or wasn't thankful for being pregnant?

Any poster who snapped at the original poster maybe has never had an emotion that they weren't proud of. We're human. With that label comes anger, jealousy, etc. I admire the original poster for admitting something she isn't proud of. By talking about it, she can hopefully get over it.

Eskijewels · January 2011

ugh...obviously some of us only read what we want to. OP stated that she tried for FIVE YEARS with IF issues...so seriously kick rocks to those who are getting bent out of shape about it. I have DS and we are blessed to have DD on the way. I can guarantee that if it was another DS I would be a lil disappointed because I knew this was my last baby. I second PP that said most that are bent out of shape are probably first timers and I also second PP about the adoption idea...obviously some don't understand the difficulty and length of time it takes to adopt.

CocoBrynne · January 2011

luckybride1128:
amatistajoy:
She's mourning a dream. That is different... it doesn't mean she is immature or cares about her baby any less. I think the mamas who understood were mostly the ones whose families were complete... not the mamas just starting to grow their family.

Seriously? Mourning a dream? Try mourning the abrupt end of a pregnancy due to miscarriage and then come tell me you're disappointed about your healthy baby's genitalia.

This. I can see being a little bummed for maybe 5 mins, but to seriously cry about it and refuse to enjoy a shopping trip for baby stuff bc you didn't get the sex you wanted is something a 15yr old would do. Think how your son would feel if he knew how you were sulking around about his not being a girl, it would make him feel awful if he understood.

CCinLove · January 2011

These types of posts always convince me that more people should NOT find out the sex at 20 weeks. I find it highly unlikely that anyone would mourn, cry, or otherwise express disappointment when they're holding that living, breathing, baby boy or girl in their arms.

OP, my DH and I didn't have a preference, but we always just assumed we'd have a girl first, or possibly all girls. We got a boy, and we really can't imagine life being any different. That baby is meant for your family, and I'm sure you guys will be thrilled once he's here.

Temp38995750004016 · January 2011

CocoBrynne:

This. I can see being a little bummed for maybe 5 mins, but to seriously cry about it and refuse to enjoy a shopping trip for baby stuff bc you didn't get the sex you wanted is something a 15yr old would do. Think how your son would feel if he knew how you were sulking around about his not being a girl, it would make him feel awful if he understood.

This is exactly what I meant when I called the crier and her blubbering DH "immature". Bummed and being a little disappointed are waaay different than crying over it and having a pout fest while shopping.

It's reminding me of when the prom dress I wanted was sold out in my size and I had to be stuck wearing a different color than the one I'd "dreamed" of having.

rowanthefrog · January 2011

I'm not going to flame you for being disappointed....feelings are feelings and they are what they are. Personally I didn't care either way, but then again we are having another so it wasn't my last chance. I have no idea how I'll feel next time around if I find out we're having a 3rd boy. But there may be a part of me that is disappointed too, and I've had 4 m/c, so I feel like I should "know better" too.

I'm sure once your sweet little boy is here you'll love him so much. Take whatever time you need to put away the dreams of a girl and start to fall in love with your newest son. As you already know, little boys are great and they worship their mamas! Plus brothers will be BFFs for life.

A

hoosierbaby76 · January 2011

Until this point I have not responded and have allowed everyone to voice their opinions about my post. You however, deserve a response. First of all, I NEVER said anything about me MOURNING...that was suggested by a PP. I simply expressed that I was having feelings of guilt about being a LITTLE disappointed upon finding out gender of our baby. I didn't say I threw a bit in the u/s room. I didnt say I cried nor did I pout while shopping as a PP said. It's simply taking me a little time to adjust my thought process when for the last five months I thought I was having a girl.

As for your comment about mourning the abrupt end of a pg due to miscarriage... I HAVE!!!! Try reading a bio before you insult a post and use some intelligence and ,moral tact in doing so. I have lost THREE babies, one of which was a twin at 12 weeks. I know what it feels like. I miss those babies everyday and still wonder if one of them was a girl. That no way lessens my love for my DS or the baby that I have on the way. Nor does it take away my right to express a little disappointment in the gender of the baby I'm having now.

For those of you that supported me on this thank you. It did take some courage to post, but isnt this what the boards are for... sounding off feelings, issues and questions about the process we don't understand. There are a lot of things I don't understand about life, about parenting and it helps to put them on the table here for people that are in like situations. These boards were never meant to insult, discourage or discredit a person's emotions. It saddens me that people think they need to do that.

A day later, I'm feeling much better about our little guy.. already discussing names, nursery colors and my DS is happy to hear he's getting a brother! For those of you that understand.. thanks for the encouragement and allowing me time.

LJR 84 · January 2011

pook:
CocoBrynne:

This. I can see being a little bummed for maybe 5 mins, but to seriously cry about it and refuse to enjoy a shopping trip for baby stuff bc you didn't get the sex you wanted is something a 15yr old would do. Think how your son would feel if he knew how you were sulking around about his not being a girl, it would make him feel awful if he understood.

This is exactly what I meant when I called the crier and her blubbering DH "immature". Bummed and being a little disappointed are waaay different than crying over it and having a pout fest while shopping.

It's reminding me of when the prom dress I wanted was sold out in my size and I had to be stuck wearing a different color than the one I'd "dreamed" of having.

Wow...you are a total idiot.

That is all.

andreas4dogs · January 2011

Absolutely NOT. A baby's sex is MINUTIA in the scheme of things. Crying because you don't have the 'sex' you want ~ selfish & crazy. There are so many couples who have struggled with IF and endured round after round of IVF and would be THRILLED to just be pregnant (and I see you struggled with IF, but so many are STILL struggling to conceive)...so yes, crying over the baby's genitalia seems incredibly petty.

MH and I have NO PREFERENCE. If we have another boy, FANTASTIC, Gabe will have a brother. If we have a girl, that would be equally as great! Either way it is important to put things IN PERSPECTIVE.

This is our last child and there would be absolutely no reason to 'mourn' anything if we have two boys. We will just be thankful for having such a beautiful family.

Of course, I am excited to find out this baby's sex - just because I am impatient and do not like 'not knowing' ~ but either way my husband and I are very appreciative of our one son and whatever sex this child turns out to be!

AtomicTea · January 2011

andreas4dogs:
Absolutely NOT. A baby's sex is MINUTIA in the scheme of things. Crying because you don't have the 'sex' you want ~ selfish & crazy. There are so many couples who have struggled with IF and endured round after round of IVF and would be THRILLED to just be pregnant (and I see you struggled with IF, but so many are STILL struggling to conceive)...so yes, crying over the baby's genitalia seems incredibly petty.
MH and I have NO PREFERENCE. If we have another boy, FANTASTIC, Gabe will have a brother. If we have a girl, that would be equally as great! Either way it is important to put things IN PERSPECTIVE.
This is our last child and there would be absolutely no reason to 'mourn' anything if we have two boys. We will just be thankful for having such a beautiful family.
Of course, I am excited to find out this baby's sex - just because I am impatient and do not like 'not knowing' ~ but either way my husband and I are very appreciative of our one son and whatever sex this child turns out to be!

Can we all just be adults here? Seriously. Just because YOU don't feel the same way about this woman's situation doesn't mean her own feelings are invalid. Everyone deals with disappointment differently. Why do people feel the need to disqualify other people's feelings? Why cant you just reassure her and let her know that she can get over what she's going through? As WOMEN we need to be able to help each other, not scratch each others eyes out every time we disapprove. You know NOTHING about this poster - for all you know she could be going through depression. Do you think that is "selfish & crazy"? My best friend went through it through most of her pregnancy and would cry at the slightest thing including finding out she was having a girl (she wanted a boy). Once she was diagnosed and knew why she was feeling the way she did, she went on to be one of the best moms I've ever seen. I'm not saying that's the case here, as I don't know OP personal life, but I can't judge her based on her honesty about what she's going through.

I'm ashamed of some of these posts. To the OP, take heart in that though I may not have gone through the exact same disappointment you have, things will get better. I'm expecting a boy when we originally wanted a girl. Were we disappointed? Yes. But the best way we found to get over that was to look at all the wonderful boys in our family, and all the wonderful times we'd shared with male nephews and cousins. Cheered us right up and now we've got a different vision than the one we started with. Hope that helps for you too. It sure did for us.

Lithigin · January 2011

Big u/s is in 2 weeks, and I am fearful of reacting the way you have. With DD, we were all sure she was going to be a girl, and she clearly was. This time, I don't really have a sense. The main reason I am terrified of a boy is the circumcision decision. We are on opposite spectra of the decision and it will be a nasty "my research vs. your research" battle until the end if it's a boy.

I think it's totally okay to mourn what you were hoping for, and at some point (hopefully before he arrives!), you'll be prepared for another wonderful DS.

AtomicTea · January 2011

Lithigin:
Big u/s is in 2 weeks, and I am fearful of reacting the way you have. With DD, we were all sure she was going to be a girl, and she clearly was. This time, I don't really have a sense. The main reason I am terrified of a boy is the circumcision decision. We are on opposite spectra of the decision and it will be a nasty "my research vs. your research" battle until the end if it's a boy.

I think it's totally okay to mourn what you were hoping for, and at some point (hopefully before he arrives!), you'll be prepared for another wonderful DS.

We're having a hard time figuring out that one as well. We're not on opposite sides when it comes to circumcision, but we're just not sure what we should do yet. I think that was one of the reasons my husband wanted a girl initially - he wouldn't have to make a decision. We're leaning toward "no cut" but still haven't made a decision. Good luck with figuring it all out. Funny how we worry about them before they're even here!

tlerezka · July 2014

Well, I am 36, my first pregnancy ended up in miscarriage - we thought our angel baby was a boy...we grieved over that baby a and soon we concieved another one...for some stupid reason we were convinced it was a girl... every "sign" or prediction kept confirming it. So I kept fantasizing about my little princess. A little too much. Today I learned it was a baby boy, a healthy one!

And I couldn´t help it - it was a little "shock", not just a disappointment. I feel ashamed for all those feelings. All that in fact matters is a healthy pregnancy and a healthy baby, so why the hell! Crying for a dream. And thinking - what if we won´t have any more children, what if any more baby girl for me...what if. All that is very very bad from us. My little precious rainbow baby should never ever learn what i did ( respectively felt ) at 20 wks. Is there any good advice how to quickly get over it and become a very happy easy going pregnant lady looking forward her new baby again? If anyone knows, please tell me!

Unknown · July 2014

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abbyful · July 2014

@tlerezka‌ & @Bliss+Berry‌ - This thread is 3.5 years old...

Unknown · July 2014

This content has been removed.

Tapsalteerie · July 2014

3.5 year old discussion resurrected. Spooky.

526SadieSadie · July 2014

The feelings of disappointment are so so SO common and judging by your post, totally normal. It's abnormal (IMHO) for a couple/mother to consider terminating a healthy pregnancy because the baby isn't the desired sex. It's also abnormal for the disappointment and associated depression to linger. If you feel the baby boy blues lasting a while longer, contact a counselor to talk you through it.

You seem to understand the feelings well enough to articulate that you had difficulty getting pregnant so this is a wonderful thing in your life and you know women have years of trouble conceiving and many are unable to. I don't think you sound selfish or anything of the sort. The feelings you describe are totally normal.

I hope it fades away soon and you can let yourself get excited about your son.

xoxo

summererobinson · July 2014

I cry because a sad thing comes on TV. I cried because my almost 1 year old was looking very cute on his father’s chest before i left for work. I dont think its crazy that she cried for something that she really wanted. Do lots of people have it worse? Sure. Does that mean she needs to feel a certain way on THEIR behalf? Nope. She didn’t say she was gonna kill the kid, just that she was sad she didn’t get one of each. In fact that fact that shes been through infertility means she knows better than many people leaving bitchy comment how much of a blessing the baby is, but that doesn’t mean she isn’t allowed to wish it was a different sex right now.

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