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...but I don't want a baby shower.

tjmtjmtjmtjm
in Baby Showers

I realize that I represent an extremely small population of women, but I do not want a shower....for anything.  I am so happy to be expecting and so happy to have such wonderful and thoughtful family and friends, but I am having an extremely hard time conveying that I do not want a shower....really.  While I feel like I am gracefully and tactfully declining, the message doesn't seem to be coming across.  I keep getting "are you sure" and "you don't mean that."  Yes I do.

 I didn't have a bridal shower when my husband and I got married over 6 years ago either and everyone thought THAT was a big deal.  But it was very easy to evade with "The wedding and reception are the only bridal events we are having and we would love for you to come celebrate with us at that event".  We didn't do a housewarming either.  We just don't feel its necessary, while we will gladly attend our friends events of these type and have a great time and love purchasing gifts for their parties!  Its just not our thing! This time its harder, since its not like there's a gathering day to satisfy people with.

I hate showers.  I hate the games, I hate being the focus, I hate being watched!  I hate all the leftover cake we are forced to eat afterward! :)  My husband and I are not rich or anything, but we are extremely lucky (thank you Dave Ramsey!) and have means to prepare for this child and purchase everything it needs and more. So we have not and are not going to register anywhere.  All we expect and desire are well wishes. 

Is that so weird?

 

 


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Re: ...but I don't want a baby shower.

  • EastCoastBrideEastCoastBride member

    All you can do is keep saying "Thanks, but I don't want a shower.".... "No, really, I don't. I'm sure.  But I appreciate the thought".

    Etc.

    BUT- i would say you need to be on the watch for a surprise shower.  If anyone is serious enough about it, they might think "Oh, it would be fun to surprise her!".

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  • onislandtimeonislandtime member

    Maybe you can pacify them with having a meet the baby party after your LO is born? (that is, if you aren't opposed to it)

     

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  • rhubarb123rhubarb123 member

    Like the other pp said...just let people know you plan to have a "meet the baby" party after your LO is born.  That should satisfy them...it is a gathering day like you mentioned.  YOU would not be the focus...your baby would be. 

    I don't think it is wise not to register (unless you don't have a BRU near you) because even though you are not using the registery for a shower you do get a completion code so what you purchase costs less.  I think Dave Ramsey would agree it is just good business sense. 

    Probably the only thing you can do is to continue to decline but like ECB said...you might end up with a 'surprise shower".  They are very popular in some regions of the US.  If you tell people you are having a party after your LO is born it hopefully will satisfy them.

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  • SunDrop11SunDrop11 member
    I agree with PP about having a "Meet the Baby" party. You can do it as a drop-in so that you hopefully aren't bombarded with a bunch of people at once. Like someone else said, if you go ahead and say you are planning to do something like this, it may ward off anyone's ideas of throwing a surprise shower.



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  • kristenndkristennd member
    Well I don't think you're strange because I refuse to have one too. And fortunately the relatives (ie, DH's side) who find that totally deranged are 1500 miles away so I don't have to worry about a surprise. I also skipped a bridal shower, so you'd think they'd be less surprised by now. And I'm not depriving them of an emotional celebratory experience -- their sole argument has been "Think of all the stuff you'll get!" Not a value I share. But mostly it's a dread of attention thing.
    We are registering, though. My side of the family was willing to accommodate my wish for no wedding presents at all (we weren't living together ahead of time so we had more than enough of everything) but it did feel a little strange to them and since they know we don't have baby stuff laying around, and it's just plain fun for them to buy baby stuff, we agreed to register. We certainly can buy what we consider necessary, but leaving more in savings is just fine too.
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  • bea0422bea0422
    imagerhubarb123:

    Like the other pp said...just let people know you plan to have a "meet the baby" party after your LO is born.  That should satisfy them...it is a gathering day like you mentioned.  YOU would not be the focus...your baby would be. 

    I don't think it is wise not to register (unless you don't have a BRU near you) because even though you are not using the registery for a shower you do get a completion code so what you purchase costs less.  I think Dave Ramsey would agree it is just good business sense. 

    Probably the only thing you can do is to continue to decline but like ECB said...you might end up with a 'surprise shower".  They are very popular in some regions of the US.  If you tell people you are having a party after your LO is born it hopefully will satisfy them.

    This. The coupon that you get after the "due date" is usually 10-25 percent off anything left on your registry... and you can set your registry to private so that others can't access it. Also, the "Meet the Baby" get together is a good idea. Gifts aren't usually the focal point, some will bring a cute outfit or diapers and some wont. If you really don't want a shower, maybe try explaining why, like you did on here. Than possibly suggest the meet the baby thing as another option.

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  • SocialPapillonSocialPapillon
    Not weird at all!  I completely understand!
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  • KKMMexKKMMex

    No, you are not weird.  I feel the exact same way that you do about showers.  I turned down all offers before DD#1 was born. 

    That said, I regretted my decision later but for only one reason.  Since I didn't have a baby shower, there was an enormous deluge of baby gifts AFTER the baby was born.  I can vividly remember nursing her on the boppy pillow, being delirious from lack of sleep, and writing all these f'ing thank you notes for baby gifts.  I SO regretted not being able to write those notes before her arrival.  I counted it up later and it was easily 75 notes - oy vey! 

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