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Babies: 0 - 3 Months
futuremrshackney
member
BF & PPD... feeling lost.
futuremrshackney
member
I suffered from depression before and during my pregnancy, so of course I totally expected to experience ppd. I was on medication throughout my pregnancy and recently switched to another kind before giving birth to allow me to BF.
BFing isn't going well...actually hardly at all. When I first tried in the hospital my daugther had a bad latch and I got blisters and cracked and bleeding nipples. I saw the LC in the hospital and she jammed my breast in babys mouth and told me that it was going to be very painful because I already had blisters and cracking from my attempts to feed LO before seeing her. I started pumping in the hospital because I couldn't stand the pain and they told me I'd have to supplement if I wanted to do this because the colostrum I pumped wouldn't be enough.
After I got home I continued to pump fairly regularly, but felt like I had to supplement because DD wouldn't latch at all and I couldn't completely meet her needs. After DH returned to work I became overwhelmed and wasn't able to hardly pump at all. Every day its gotten less and less and so has my supply. Now it seems like BFing is just another thing that makes me feel like a total failure. DH is on 12 hour shifts at work and can only watch LO for about an hour a night, and I'm having so much trouble pumping and keeping up with steralizing and washing everything. Bottom line... I really want to quit. DD is only geting about a bottle or two of BM a day. Its just a source a frusteration for me and dd is basically getting all formula anyway. I want my dhs support but he just keeps encouraging me to keep pumping and try to increase my supply... I feel like I'm drowning.
Can someone please tell me I'm not a horrible person for considering this? How can I tell my husband? I just feel terrible...
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Re: BF & PPD... feeling lost.
It sounds like you got off to a really lousy start with breastfeeding through no fault of your own. Sorry to hear that. That said, it's your choice to continue or stop breastfeeding. Your husband may not like it but he's not the one pumping and dealing with the frustration. If you'd be happier stopping then stop. Your LO has already benefitted from all your hard work. Any breastmilk is better than none.
Sorry to hear you're having a hard time. Again, if this is one thing that would make your days better I say give it up. GL
If you're not happy pumping, then don't do it. You tried really hard and was able to give LO breastmilk for a period of time, many others would have quit on day 1. Any amount of BF-ing is better than none. With that said, it's completely ok to stop BF-ing now. When you stop, you may be able to get help (meds) for the PPD if you wanted to also.
Please don't feel bad for not continuing to BF, sounds like you did a really good job while you were doing it. It's so much easier for baby to latch on and BF, but it can get very painful. Pumping is a lot more work, so DH should understand all of this, especially with him back at work and everything. It might not be ideal for him but he will get used to the idea.
You have to be happy to be the best mom you can be and if BFing is making you miserable and feeling like a failure, maybe FFing is the right choice for you. One thing I would suggest if you wanted to keep trying is a nipple shield. I have cracked nipples too and this has saved my sanity. Its allowing me to continue to BF while giving my nipples a chance to heal. Also, the LC I talked to said too much pumping can also cause some nipple problems too. I got off to a rough start too. Milk came in late and had to supplement in the beginning. Its going ok now, but frankly, I can't wait to be done BFing. Its not magical to me, its just painful and kind of a pain in the @ss.
Also, you don't have to sterilize your pump parts after each use. You can simply wash with hot soapy water or even put them in the dishwasher. If you and your LO get thrush then sterilization after each use is important. Those microwavable sterilizer bags are pretty quick and easy to use. Good luck. I know you'll make the right decision for both you and LO.
Was BFing something that was really important to you before LO got here? I only ask because it might still be worth trying if you will regret quitting down the road. You say you feel like a failure, so it sounds like you might feel worse if you quit altogether. People have so many different stances on breastfeeding ranging from "its the best thing in the world for my baby and I'll do it no matter what" to "formula is healthier than ever and works best for me & baby" and everywhere in between, so I have a hard time giving my opinion without knowing how you feel about it.
I obviously know a lot of our opinions on parenting change when we actually have babies, but what I'm trying to say is stick with it if you think you'll regret stopping, but if you want to switch, I hope your H can come around and be supportive of that.
IDK if you've tried this but medela's supplemental nursing system saved my supply... it's like giving a bottle but it runs through your nipples so LO sucks and stimulates your production (assuming your nips are healed and her latch has gotten better).
Either way, it's your choice and choosing to switch will NOT make you a bad mommy.
Sorry I think i misread your post and didn't see that shes not latching right now
You are not a bad person for considering this!
Do what is best for you and your LO. Men have no idea what we go through. Your husband, whether or not he understands why, should support you if you choose to stop BFing. Your LO already got lots of colostrum and will be fine on formula from now on! Mine is!!
Happy mommy= happy baby
BriannaArledge is right about considering whether or not you'll regret it though. I only say this because I've seen a bunch of ladies on 3-6 who regret stopping. It's not something you can pick back up so you have to be pretty certain.
That being said, don't beat yourself up if FF is what's right for you. You can't do everything. Pick and choose your battles, maybe this isn't one of them. BFing is hard to pick up - really, really, really hard - and you have to learn how to BF during the most stressful period of your life, with hormones raging, almost no sleep, and a partner who can't even control their limbs.
If you want to keep going then find a good LC. That means one who won't just pop the baby on for you, a good LC should be interested in helping YOU learn how to breastfeed. In the meantime pump just enough to keep your supply going (you can increase it later).
If you decide to switch to formula then be confident in your decision. You're doing the right thing. You can't take care of a baby unless you first take care of yourself, and pumping on top of taking care of a newborn is a lot to ask of any woman. So long as the baby is fed and taken care of, then you're doing the right thing.
I would go have a chat with your husband about what direction you want to take and tell him you need more support (either from him, friends, or family). Until he's capable of bearing and sustaining life on his own, then he needs to find a way to support you in your ability to bear and sustain life.
I pump and supplement cause I don't make enough milk. I was so depressed about it. Still kind of am. But my lacatation consultant told me that a happy mommy that can bond with her child and enjoys her baby is a million times more important than breast milk.
Yes. Breast is best. But it's not so much better that it's worth your sanity and worth depriving your baby of her mother.
There's a great website I found for people dealing with the guilt of having to formula feed that might be worth looking at.
https://fearlessformulafeeder.blogspot.com/