did your DH stay with you in the hospital when you had LO?

chloephoebecali · January 2011

He did with DD and will with this if everything goes smoothly. DD will stay with my in-laws.
I can't imagine what I would have done without DH. I was constantly thinking - what the heck do single moms do/people without help. I had an IV, for over 24 hours after delivery, and that made it very hard to do the bathroom alone, which was hard for me to begin with. The first few trips were exhausting, and he helped me make my "diaper/ice pack/etc" and pull myself together. I had a tough time, and know I'll need him again. I'd rather he stay with me, because DD will do fine at my in-laws.

rebus82 · January 2011

Absolutely. We had a private room, and he slept in the recliner in the corner, and did all the diapers and such the entire time (I had a c/s). I don't think it would have even occurred to him to go home to sleep, not with B staying in the room the entire time (it was encouraged to not use the nursery unless necessary). And if it ever did occur to him, he was smart enough to keep it to himself.

TSD · January 2011

He stayed the night E was born because he was born at 3a, but not the nights after. We live 5 min from the hospital, we both needed good sleep, and I didn't need him there in the middle of the night. He would've stayed if I needed him but I didn't. He was back early in the morning with whatever I needed/wanted from the outside- food, clothes, etc.

Kingston54 · January 2011

My DH stayed. My LO was born on a Tuesday around 1:00pm. He didn't leave the hospital until the next day. He went home for about an hour to get a shower and check on our dog who was staying at the neighbor's house. Then he came right back and stayed the second night too.

I am with you - I needed him there for help.... I didn't even have a c-section!

Sammy-Mae · January 2011

DH stayed with me the whole time. I couldn't turn or get out of bed for a full 24hours. If DD cried i couldn't get out of bed or lift her. When he left to get movies and his laptop DD had to be in the bed with me. He slept a lot while he was there though. Our hospital was an hour away from home and my parents brought him supplies.

finally2006 · January 2011

There is nothing short of some sort of disaster that would have made DH leave us. He did all the diaper changes and we both were up with her as she cried or fussed.

That is also the same kind of dad is he now. very hands on and borderline obsessed with DD He is the best dad I know.

JennRN65 · January 2011

DH stayed with me all 5 days (I had a c/s). It was a private room and there was a couch that converted to a bed that looked more comfortable than the bed I had. He slept during the day when there were more people coming and going to give me a hand. I slept at night (except for breastfeeding lol). That continued until I went back to work and then we just did a variation of it since I worked nights then.

No one said anything to us about it or thought it was weird. If anything, I think my friends thought I was lucky!

stever · January 2011

Except for a few hours the second day to go home, feed the cat and grab some decent food, he was with us the whole time.

RaeAnt · January 2011

DH stayed with me most of the time as well. I had a c/s,too and I was barely able to even hold DS with the wires and stuff I was hooked up to....but I was also in the anti-pardum rm instead of the post- pardum due to a blood pressure issue most likely caused by the epi. He did go home off and on to bring my mom in and take her back, but spent much of the time,including over night, with me and DS.

emilie01 · January 2011

No. DH did not stay. We have no dogs or other pets. I told him to leave, the nurses were there to help and we needed at least one person home when we brought Eloise home to be sane and caught up on sleep. I guess it boils down to each their own. If I had wanted him to stay he would have, but at that point it was redundant...I was sleeping and so was he....that was our out look and it worked.

macchiatto · January 2011

CalinsBride:
I'm not trying to start anything, but can I just say how odd I find it when moms say how they want the first night with their LOs all to themselves? I feel like the dad is equally important in the baby's life, and therefore should be able to bond right away too. Maybe that's just me. . .

Yeah, I don't really get that, either. I mean, if the husband can't be there for some reason (deployed, no one to stay with older LO, etc.) and the mom is making the best of it, great. But otherwise, yeah, I find it odd.

I also find it odd why a mom can go through the pain of pregnancy and labor and trying to recover from labor and trying to figure out BFing and care for a newborn ... but then it's too much to ask the dad to sleep on a plastic couch for a couple of nights.

katiekate1974 · January 2011

macchiatto:
CalinsBride:
I'm not trying to start anything, but can I just say how odd I find it when moms say how they want the first night with their LOs all to themselves? I feel like the dad is equally important in the baby's life, and therefore should be able to bond right away too. Maybe that's just me. . .
Yeah, I don't really get that, either. I mean, if the husband can't be there for some reason (deployed, no one to stay with older LO, etc.) and the mom is making the best of it, great. But otherwise, yeah, I find it odd.
I also find it odd why a mom can go through the pain of pregnancy and labor and trying to recover from labor and trying to figure out BFing and care for a newborn ... but then it's too much to ask the dad to sleep on a plastic couch for a couple of nights.

So, what you're saying is a woman, who just went through the pain of pregnancy and labor and is trying to learn to BF can't decide she wants to try it alone, or wants her husband to be well rested so he can take more of the burden when she gets home, or doesn't see the point in them both being uncomfortable, or has a husband who snores so loudly nobody would sleep well, or whatever the situation is that works for them? Why? I'm not really snarking on you specifically, but it seems to me there's an undercurrent of "wow, you must have a shitty husband/crappy marriage if your husband didn't stay," in this thread and I don't see why. For the most part, I'm sure everyone made the decision that worked best for them, for whatever the reason. (and honestly, I couldn't tell you if/when he stayed. I think he stayed one night, but not the others? But I don't remember for sure...)

Echowysp · January 2011

katiekate1974:
macchiatto:
CalinsBride:
I'm not trying to start anything, but can I just say how odd I find it when moms say how they want the first night with their LOs all to themselves? I feel like the dad is equally important in the baby's life, and therefore should be able to bond right away too. Maybe that's just me. . .
Yeah, I don't really get that, either. I mean, if the husband can't be there for some reason (deployed, no one to stay with older LO, etc.) and the mom is making the best of it, great. But otherwise, yeah, I find it odd.
I also find it odd why a mom can go through the pain of pregnancy and labor and trying to recover from labor and trying to figure out BFing and care for a newborn ... but then it's too much to ask the dad to sleep on a plastic couch for a couple of nights.
So, what you're saying is a woman, who just went through the pain of pregnancy and labor and is trying to learn to BF can't decide she wants to try it alone, or wants her husband to be well rested so he can take more of the burden when she gets home, or doesn't see the point in them both being uncomfortable, or has a husband who snores so loudly nobody would sleep well, or whatever the situation is that works for them? Why? I'm not really snarking on you specifically, but it seems to me there's an undercurrent of "wow, you must have a shitty husband/crappy marriage if your husband didn't stay," in this thread and I don't see why. For the most part, I'm sure everyone made the decision that worked best for them, for whatever the reason. (and honestly, I couldn't tell you if/when he stayed. I think he stayed one night, but not the others? But I don't remember for sure...)

Yeah, I'm not getting that one either. I mean, I was soooo adamant that dh be there the entire time after Adam's birth, which was nice. But he's no less bonded to Ava or less of "that kind of dad" because he went home after her birth. There wasn't much going on except her sleeping and snorting and me trying to get some sleep. What purpose would it be for him to suffer too? We went home the next day, so one day out of all of the days of her life really didn't make a blip on the radar.

LeahBeah1212 · January 2011

I was induced on Monday night and didn't leave until Friday around noon. The induction took forever and DD was in the NICU. FI spent every night with me at the hospital on the little pull out chair they had. He did leave for periods of time throughout the day to shower, get food, etc.

Blackvelvet · January 2011

DH didn't stay with me I had DS just before 1am and DH left to go home at 4am we had house guests at the time so he cooked them breakfast and came back around 9? He stayed wtih me most of the day then left in the evening returning in the morning to take us home (we had to wait for DS to be cirtcumsiesd because they didn't do them on weekends or we would have left the day before) I was up and about less then 6 hours after birth had a natural delivery

JungleJulia · January 2011

Wow, this post blew up. But yeah I agree with katiekate's last post (I'm not quoting it's too long). My husband is beyond a crappy father. Given everything we know now (about how DH feels about "leaving us alone in the hospital") I still would have made the same decision and I know DH would still have gone home.

Just because I squeezed a baby out doesn't mean that my DH has to endure the pain of sleeping on a plastic uncomfortable "bed" for even ONE night. I was walking around an hour after DD was born, I didn't have any complications, and I certainly didn't need him suffering through the night when he could have been well rested for the 3 of us. That doesn't make him a worse father. And having him there every second, of every minute, of every day, doesn't make someone a better father...the bump DH vents prove my point.

DH took an entire month of paternity leave to "bond" with DD when she was born. Trust me. Having him there for that first month was far more important to me than having him stay in the hospital to sleep for even one day. I don't know how I would have done it without him there that first month, when I really needed him.

Lizard2022 · January 2011

I had a c/s and DH only stayed the first night with me. I was up and out of bed the next day, and DH had to go home and stay with my stepsons who live with us. He offered to stay all three nights and my sister offered to stay at our house, but DH wasn't comfortable and I would rather him be rested then prove what an awesome dad he was by sleeping on an hard pull out bed. DS might have been the easiest newborn alive, but he slept or BF all night long, I didn't really need that much help.

MelodyMoonstone · January 2011

DH stayed overnight both nights. Our hospital wasn't very accommodating for SO's so we ended up bringing a inflatable mattress in for him. I went into labor at 11, so I was technically there 3 nights. I was a month early, so we were totally unprepared, so DH went home to take care of the cats and get things that we needed, but otherwise, he was with me the whole time.

The nurses were surprised that someone would stay. They wouldn't let us room with DS, so it was just us in the room unless DS needed to eat.

zeptattoo · January 2011

I sent him home every night. Both of us are big on personal space and unless there was a problem I wanted time and space to learn to do things. He was there all day while I was in my room, but he would go home, take care of the cat and other last minute issues.

rainlily · January 2011

Our hospital has the option of a 10th floor suite for postpartum moms who wish to have a private room and nurse. It is all out of pocket. We chose to go to the 10th floor, so DH had a bed, we both had great meals and a fully stocked refrigerator. If he would have had to sleep upright in a chair, it would have been 100% up to him if he wanted to stay.

TommysGirl56 · January 2011

Yes. My DH, like your's, did all of the diaper changes. I was still on my mag sulfate drip due to pre-e, and too woozy to get out of bed on my own. Sure, the nurses would have taken care of A, and assisted me to the bathroom, etc. But we were possessive of our new baby and wanted to do it all!

Jen&Joe06 · January 2011

B was born just after 11PM (by emergency c/s). By the time I was out of recovery and able to be back with Joe and him it was past 1AM. There were no private rooms available so I was in a semi-private (although the only one in it) so he was not allowed to stay over.

He came back first thing in the morning and we were moved to a private room where he stayed with me until we were discharged 2 days later. They had a cot, sheets, blankets and a pillow for him.

kabarbanel · January 2011

DH stayed with me. We do live close to the hospital so he went home during the day to shower and take care of the cats.

Lesley0228 · January 2011

I was induced and had a c section, so DH stayed with me for 4 nights. We had a private room with a recliner for him. I had DD in the evening and was walking by the morning, but it was extremely painful for me to get out of bed and I needed assistance doing it, so I really needed another person around to help with DD (and me). My post partum unit was full and I don't see how the nurses would have had time to help me as much as I needed. He exclusively changed diapers and brought her to me for at least the first couple days. We live about a mile from the hospital so he would go home every evening to shower and relax a little and my mom or sister would stay with me.

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