TTC After a Loss

Board Break...

Just for my sanity I need to step away form this board.

I am so broken right now, I feel so awful about myself and I'm in a dark place. My last round of Injections just failed, and with my insurance ending on Jan 31st, I don't know if my new insurance will cover Infertility and at what percentage.

I feel like I am back to before I got pregnat with the triplets, cycle after cycle and BFN after BFN, this went on for years.  I am starting to feel sorry for my husband as he has a wife who is broken and might not be able to give him a healthy baby. I feel like I am being punished for something I did.

I can't even describe how low I feel. I am not in a good spot. Infertility sucks..

So I'll probably lurk but right now I feel so bitter for some that have been so lucky to not have to struggle.

Good luck to everyone, hopefully when I'm back I'll know no one on this board.

«1

Re: Board Break...

  • Huge ((hugs)). I am so sorry for how you are feeling and your post brought me to tears. My journey has not been as long as yours but I understand the feeling of feeling like I am letting my husband down. You are a very strong person and I hope you are able to find some peace and relaxation.

    I will cross my fingers that your new insurance is able to cover everything you need. You deserve the best and you will be an amazing mom.

    BFP #1 6/18/10 Saw HB 7/15/10 Missed M/C 8/17/10 @ 12 weeks 2 days- 2 D&C's( 8/20 and 8/26) BFP#2 11/21/10 Nonviable at 5wks, possible ectopic. Methotrexate 12/3/10&12/9/10 BFP#3 3/10/11 Beta@12dpo 39 Beta@14dpo 160! 21 DPO 2439 HB at 7wks 127 EDD 11/17/11
    ITS A BOY!!!! Born 11/13/11 BFP #4: 10/29/12 edd 7/11/12
    Lilypie First Birthday tickers
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  • I do not know your backround story, but just wanted to give you (((((HUGE HUGS))))) and say that I am really sorry for all that you seem to be going through.  I have come to really like you and will be looking forward to you comming back on.  Till then (as hard as it may be) try not to be so hard on yourself.
    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers
    Missed M/C discoverd at 10w5d measuring 6w6d on 12/3/10 said goodbye 12/12/10 EDD 6/26/11 "this too shall pass"

    DS Born 9/29/2005 via c-section (breech)
    BFP #3 3/7/11 - EDD 11/17/11
    Betas: @14dpo-182 @18dpo-854!! @21dpo-3124!!!
    3-27-11 150 BPM!!!!
    He's a BOY!!!! Kieran Thomas

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  • I am sorry that you are having such a rough time right now. I just wanted to say thank you for all of the support you have given. I have only been on here a little over a month, but you definitely have given a lot of support and advice and it was much appreciated! Hang in there and I hope that things will start looking up for you. ((HUGS))
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  • Oh hun. I am so sorry. I hate that nature sucks so bad and your body isn't letting you do what it's *supposed* to do. I hate that it has come to this point for you and that you are feeling so dark. I don't blame you, though. I can't imagine how emotionally and physically drained you must be feeling. You will be grately missed here. You were a huge support to myself and so many others. I hope that your break is just what you need to feel refreshed and that soon you are able to return with your knowledge and kindness. Take the time you need. You will be missed and thought about often. Love and hugs girl!
    Forever missing Baby Z #3 ~ Natural m/c 4.12.2010 at 11w2d
    *So proud and so lucky to be the mommy of two beautiful little girls
    and one handsome little man*
    RJ~5.17.2005~born @ 37w due to IUGR~4lbs 15ozs
    Al~4.5.2008~born big and healthy @ 38w~7lbs 9.5ozs
    Lil man~5.20.2011~born big and healthy @ 39w (after one he!! of a pregnancy)~8lbs 1oz
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  • imagejulesjb:

    Huge ((hugs)). I am so sorry for how you are feeling and your post brought me to tears. My journey has not been as long as yours but I understand the feeling of feeling like I am letting my husband down. You are a very strong person and I hope you are able to find some peace and relaxation.

    I will cross my fingers that your new insurance is able to cover everything you need. You deserve the best and you will be an amazing mom.

    This exactly....I took a break myself recently because I felt so down. Huge hugs and I hope you find a way through this to end up in a positive place.

    BFP 7/27/10, no hb discovered 9/3/10, natural m/c 9/17/10
    BFP #2- 2/1/11,bleeding- 2/6/11, natural m/c @ 5wks
    BFP #3- 4/29/11 - DS born 12/31/11
    Lilypie First Birthday tickers
    TTCAL buddies with LilMaggs and psumel13
  • bump burp

    BFP 7/27/10, no hb discovered 9/3/10, natural m/c 9/17/10
    BFP #2- 2/1/11,bleeding- 2/6/11, natural m/c @ 5wks
    BFP #3- 4/29/11 - DS born 12/31/11
    Lilypie First Birthday tickers
    TTCAL buddies with LilMaggs and psumel13
  • Your post broke my heart. Though I'm relatively new, I wanted to say "take care" and you're not broken. In time, I hope peace comes to you.
    Visit The Nest!Image and video hosting by TinyPic

    BFP #1 - 11/16/10 CP 12/1/10
    Our team green turned into team pink! Lilypie Second Birthday tickers
    BFP #2 17dpo - 47, 19dpo - 114 Chart
  • World's biggest hugs to you...I hope you don't stray far and I'll miss you lots...
    imageVincent Julian born on March 27th, 2013 DX with Down Syndrome image
    baby
      BabyFruit Ticker
    image
  • Just this... ((BIG HUGS))...
    BFP #1 04/05/10 EDD 12/11/10 Missed M/C 7w found out at 12w5d You're so missed LO BFP #2 11/27/10 EDD 08/07/11.. Diagnosed with IC 03/17/11 Cerclage put in place 03/21/11 Madilynn Mae born 7/26/11
  • ((((HUGEHUGS))))
    * PAL/PgAL Bumpie & NBC-Twi Nestie * imageBloggity Blog BFP #1 in 2001 ? natural m/c @ 9w4d ? TTC our first since 2009 ? BFP #2 on 8/25/2010 ? natural M/C @ 7w6d on 9/25/2010 Clomid cycle #1 @ 50mg = BFP #3 on 1/1/11 ~ EDD 9/14/2011!!! Lilypie First Birthday tickers
  • I hate that you feel this way! The board isn't going to be the same without you. My hope for you is that you don't have to come back to this board because you get your "sticky" baby while you are on your break. (((hugs)))
    June 2010-Lap
    b2b Injectable IUI #1 7/25/10 & 7/26/10 = BFP beta 14dpIUI = 133 MC 9/14 at 9 weeks
    b2b Injectable IUI #2 12/5/10 & 12/6/10 = BFN
    IVF #1 ER 3/28/11 ET 3 embryos 3/31/11= BFN
    b2b Injectable IUI#3 6/28/11 & 6/29/11 = BFN
    PAIF/SAIF Welcome :)

    Submitted Adoption Application on 6/1/2011
    Homestudy 7/19/2011
    IVF#2 CX due to Adoption Match
    We were blessed with our daughter through the gift of adoption
    IVF #2.1 ET 2 embryos 2/14/13 7 frostiesLilypie First Birthday tickers

  • I'm so sorry the injectibles were a bust. If you feel a Bump break is necessary...do what you feel is best for you. I hope better days are on the horizon for you ((big hugs)).
    Natural MCs 2/4/09, 8/22/09 & 4/7/10
    Dx with Antiphospholipid Antibody Syndrome (APS)
    BFP #4 5/14/12
    5/17/12...1st Betas- 176, P4 3.6
    5/22/12...2nd Betas- 207, P4 6.1 (MC confirmed)
  • I am so sorry that you are hurting, and hope that your break is restorative.  Your in-depth knowledge and hlepful advice (as well as your wicked sense of humor) will be missed. 

    Sending T&P for healing your way. 

    image 

    BFP #1 5/2010 - Missed m/c at 8 weeks
    BFP #2 2/2011
    Baby G welcomed with love and relief 10/2011
    Surprise BFP 1/8/2013...say what? Baby A arrived 9/2013

    Motherhood is not for wimps

     image
    image


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  • I am going to miss you, but I understand what you are saying.  I hope that the break brings you peace of mind.  (((MASSIVE HUGS)))

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Siggy Warning~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


     Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers
    image
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker

  • I am so so sorry for what you are going through.  It is so unfair.  Big hugs to you, and I hope that you find comfort in a break from all of this. 
    imageimage
    M/C #1 2001 (6w1d); M/C #2: 10/02/10 (4w4d); M/C #3 05/26/11 (4w3d) Clomid BFP #4 7/18/11 @ 9DPO Please baby stick! Beta #1 (11DPO)=51; Beta #2 (13DPO)=170; Beta #3 (19DPO)=2659!! EDD: 03/31/12
  • {{{Huge Hugs}}}  I'm so sorry for what you are going through and what you have gone through in the past.  You have given all of us some very good advice and we all appreciate all you have done for this board.  We will all be thinking of you and will have our FX that your new insurance will cover whatever you need. 

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  • Just think of all the housework you can get done when we aren't sucking up all your time Wink

    Take the time you need to heal your heart.  I'm sure I'll still be here when you get back.  

    Gena dx PCOS 1997 BFP 2/12/10, mmc discovered at 10w6d/d&c 11w3d
    imageImage and video hosting by TinyPicimage
    My Never Updated Chart
    Bonus buddies with Cashewsmommy!
    Join Swagbucks! Earn free Amazon cards!
  • (((HUGS))) It sucks to be in such a dark place, but as my dad always tell me, the sky is always darkest before the first light of dawn. I hope your "dawn" is right around the corner. 

    image
    My Chart
    TTA while I focus on being the healthiest me I can be and living out my Roller Derby dreams
    Surprise BFP 11/13/10 -- MC 12/26/10
    Chem Preg and D&C in 2005
    MC in 2001
  • So sorry hon, I hope things get better. The board won't be the same without you! (((HUGS)))
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  • Not you too!! I'm so sorry for everything you're going through, Amye. Please know that we are all here for you when you are ready to come back. Are you still going to be around on FB?
    m/c 7/17/10
    Dx: MFI- 3% morph
    IUIs: Gonal-F + Ovidrel + b2b IUI= BFNs
    IVF with ICSI= BFP! EDD 11/25/11
    3/18- Beta #1 452! 3/20- Beta #2 1,026!! 3/27- First u/s- TWINS!
    Our twin boys arrived at 36w5d due to IUGR and a growth discordance

    FET: Medicated FET moved up to 5/23 due to ovulation
    Transferred a 6BB hatched blastocyst- genetically normal female embryo
    BFP! 5/28- 5dp6dt      
    6/1 Beta #1- 223! 6/3 Beta #2- 567!

    image

    Be kinder than necessary, for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle.
  • I know I am new around here... but I wanted to say I am so so sorry for what you are having to go through.  Everyone on here is in my thoughts and prayers!
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker Photobucket BabyFruit Ticker Blinkies, Glitter Graphics & more" BFP #1 12/26/06 DS born 08/08/07 BFP #2 12/16/10 EDD 08/23/11 Missed M/C ~7weeks D&C 02/04/11 BFP #3 3/11/11 4/1/10 heard HB 149!!! EDD is 11/17/11
  • I hate to see you go, but totally understand. I wish you all the luck and happiness in the world!!! Giant hugs to you!!!
    image

    GEAUX TIGERS!!!

    1st pregnancy: BFP- 6/28/09 - Found out we lost our little girl on 10/9/09 at 19w 4d - D&E- 10/14/09

    June 2010, corrective surgery for Septate Uterus and large fibroids

    2nd pregnancy: BFP- 10/18/10 - Slow rising, non-doubling HCGs, no heart beat. Non-viable pregnancy, D&C- 11/12/10

    Started Metformin 6/30/11, Started Clomid 7/20/11 - Unsuccessful

    HSG and Laparoscopic surgery revealed blocked tubes and lots of scar tissue...IVF here we come!!!

    Surprise BFP naturally!!! IT'S A BOY!!!

    Lilypie First Birthday tickers

  • I'm so sorry you're having a rough time. We'll miss you. Take care of yourself. Many :::HUGS:::
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
    BFP-2/4/10 EDD-9/27/10 M/C-2/11/10 7w3d D&C and Methotrexate-2/19/10
    BFP-11/21/10 M/C-11/25/10
    Clomid Cycle #1-BFN
    Clomid Cycle #2-BFP-1/18/2011 M/C-1/26/2011
    BFP-5/18/11 Riley arrived 2/3/12 8lbs6oz 21.5in
  • ((hugs)) 
    5/16/2005: M/C at 7 wks
    5/3/2010: MM/C at 7 wks 6 days
    5/25/2014: CP at 4 wks 3 days

    Because of the great "Snow"vember of 2015, my medicated cycle was cancelled.  However, we were blessed with our little rainbow baby due on 8/14/15!  Baby J had other plans and decided to make his grand ole entrance on 7/4/2015!

    Surprise!  Our little girl entered this world on 12/8/2016 after her eviction notice was long past due.  Our little turkey baby turned into a snow baby!  

                                                        
    Third times the charm!  BFP on 4/18/2019, EDD: 12/18/2019
    PgAL/PAL welcome
    PAIF/SAIF welcome too!

  • Take care of yourself!  (((hugs)))
    12/13/10 BFP 12/23/10 Miscarriage 3/6/11 BFP EDD 11/09/11 11/03/11 C-Section at 39w1d for failure to progress on induction for HBP and GD Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker Image and video hosting by TinyPic Cincinnati Reds Pictures, Images and Photos image ~~~~~Everyone Welcome PgAL/PAL~~~~~~
  • ((BIG HUGS)) We will miss you and hopefully you'll have better days real soon.

    BFP#1: 7/14/10.  EDD: 3/19/11--MMC-- D&C 9/2/10.
    BFP#2: 12:22/10.EDD: 8/30/11 C/P 12/25/10
    BFP#3: 10/26/11 EDD: 7/2/12-- Daniel born 7/14/12. My rainbow baby!                                                                                                                                           BFP #4:  2.22/15 EDD: 11/4/15 C/P 2/28/15                                                                                                                                                                                      BFP #5:  4/5/15   EDD 12/11/15 (Ectopic Pregnancy)

    BFP #6: 3/2/16 EDD 11/5/16
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker

    <a href="http://www.thebump.com/?utm_source=ticker&utm_medium=HTML&utm_campaign=tickers" title="Baby Names"><img src="http://global.thebump.com/tickers/tt1cfe4e" alt=" BabyFetus Ticker" border="0"  /></a>


  • (((hugs)) we'll always be here for you Sad
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    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker

    bfp 01/23/10 m/c 12w1d 03/14/10 EDD 09/24/10
    bfp 07/20/10 m/c 5w1d 07/25/10
    bfp 11/19/10 Born 07/24/11 via C/S

    My Forever Sister From Another Mister~CashewsMommy!!

  • imageemeraudecephiro:
    World's biggest hugs to you...I hope you don't stray far and I'll miss you lots...

    This, and I'm sorry Autumn, I hope your body will cooperate soon and your new insurance turns out to be even better than your last. *BIG SQUISHY HUGS*

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  • I love you so much sweetie and I'm here if you need anything. I hope this break is good for you. ((hugs))
    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickersLilypie Third Birthday tickersLilypie First Birthday tickers
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  • Oh Amye I am so sorry you are feeling like this.  I hope you can take care of yourself and DH during your break.  I sure will miss you around here!  Sending you tons of love!!!!

    *hugs*

    Image and video hosting by TinyPic Image and video hosting by TinyPic Image and video hosting by TinyPic
    ??? TTCAL Buddies w/ BabyTrippin & CashewsMommy ???
    1st BFP = m/c 4.21.08 @ 7W5D (and divorce)
    TTC #1 since 6.10
    SA #1=Agglutination SA #2= Everything perfect
    HSG= All clear & perfect
    Currently learning to live Child Free
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    ?My NTNP Chart! ?My Blog!?Follow Me on Pinterest
    CLICK to give care & food to animals in need -
    ?Big Girls have babies too!?
    ??Success/pregnant after everything welcome - FHs need not apply??
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  • I have to take board breaks too from time to time. This sucks, plain and simple. Sad Take as much time as you need, come back when you are ready! huge ((hugs))
  • I'm sorry you're feeling so low. (((HUGS))) Take all the time you need.
    Suze
    TTC#1 since May 2009
    PCOS * Hypothyroid

    Bean - BFP May 26, 2010. EDD Feb 3, 2011. Natural Miscarriage 8w5d - June 29, 2010.
    Pumpkin - BFP Feb 8, 2011. EDD Oct 21, 2011. Natural Miscarriage 6w3d - Feb 28, 2011.

    Femera started November 2014. 3 rounds, no luck. Moving to IUI.
    March 2015: IUI#1 - nope.
    May 2015: IUI#2 - nada.
    October 2015: IUI#3 - BFP on Nov 2, 2015! *stick baby stick!*

  • ((HUGS)) I am so sorry. I cannot even begin to understand how you are feeling and what you are going though - but you are in my thoughts and prayers. I hope this break is good for you and you get some positive news soon,
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  • ((hugs)) I hope I know where to find you. 
    m/c 12/20/09 @ 5 1/2 weeks ~ CP 1/25/09 @ 4 weeks ~ missed m/c 4/6/10 (stopped growing @ 6 weeks, stayed with me until 10) ~Foster parent to B, 9/10-1/12~ Proud Mother of Gage Stephen, born 12/26/12 Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • I just want to send you big (((hugs))).  All of us will sure miss you!  You need to take the time to take care of you and find some peace in your heart.  I wish you the best and hope that you do not need to return to this board and can go straight to Pgal.  ((hugs))

  • I hope you find your sanity while you away and I'll definetly miss you! I SO hope you get your take home baby soon!

    Lilypie First Birthday tickers
  • Huge Hugs Amye.

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  • (((Hugs))) I am so sorry.  We will really miss you, but I understand your reasons for taking a break.  I am so hopeful that good things will come your way soon.
    Mom to Eliott Alexander, born sleeping at 37 weeks on 8/13/10. Most of us only dream of angels - I held one in my arms.
    BFP #2 - EDD 2/26/12 M/C 6/28/11 @ 5w2d
    BFP #3 - EDD 4/7/12 M/C 8/2/11 @ 4w2d
    Too beautiful for this earth
    BFP #4 - EDD 12/09/12, Lucille arrived 11/26/12
  • Big hugs. I'm so sorry. The board won't be the same without you. Although I am fairly new, you have already shown such support and kindness and given great advice. I hope that when you come back, it will be to pgal! Best of luck and t&p to you!
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