I hate this feeling(vent)

pennynjon · January 2011

I am really feeling like my arms will always be empty. I was just reading a blog entry from an online friend of mine who is pregnant. She also lost a baby recently to anencephaly. There were a group of five of us who had our babies within a couple of months of each. We were all met on a support group for people carrying to term after the diagnosis of anencephaly. Anyway, one of the other ladies who actually had her daughter the same day I had Ella posted a response about being pregnant too. I love these ladies. And I am happy for them. But again, when I read it I felt like someone knocked the air out of me. Now three of the five are pregnant again. They all have living children. I am having one of those days when I feel like crying my eyes. I just don't think it will ever happen for us. And I feel horrible again that this is my reaction. And I still don't have the results from my testing. The labs weren't back at my follow up one week ago. I called the office today and they transfered me to a nurse who has no idea what is going on and can't find them.

ColleenS629 · January 2011

Big hugs, Penny! It must be really hard to see them moving on without you.

heathergirl67 · January 2011

I can totally relate to that feeling of being simultaneously happy for and insanely jealous of your friends. It's not a good feeling when hearing about loved ones' good news makes you burst into tears of sadness for yourself. I will say, though, that the longer I've had to go in this IF/TTCAL journey, the easier those feelings get to deal with. They've never gone away completely for me, but they're not as overwhelming as they once were. I hope that you don't have to get to that point, as I hope you get KU with your sticky baby really soon. HUGS!

VeilSdeGTO · January 2011

I'm sorry that it's been so rough for you. ((hugs))

AmyRM · January 2011

HUGE HUGS. I'm so sorry..for everything.

bbhalphen · January 2011

((HUGS))
I haven't had a late loss, but as a habitual aborter, I totally understand feelilng like you will never have children. I am the same way. I think you m/c this time about a week before I did. It took my testing almost a month to come back after my last D&C.

I'm so sorry you're going through this!

ColindaP · January 2011

It's a sucky feeling. ((hugs))

tlcW0714 · January 2011

((HUGS))

Fififa21 · January 2011

Big hugs. I?m so sorry. It sucks feeling happy for others yet sad for yourself at the same time :-(

babes12 · January 2011

i'm sorry. sometimes you just need to allow yourself to feel the way you feel w/o feeing guitly about it. hopefully tomorrow will be a brighter day. (((hugs)))

mdm2137 · January 2011

No matter how much you love someone it still stings when they're pregnant and you're not. I'm sorry. ((hugs))

KristysRedBarn · January 2011

I'm so sorry. Huge hugs. I think we all feel that way from time to time. TTCAL is a huge roller coaster ride.

GuppyAmy · January 2011

I'm so sorry you're going through this. I hate these feelings.

ala_1220 · January 2011

I'm so sorry. It really does suck!!!!

butterfly843 · January 2011

Sending hugs, I have similiar feelings. It has gotten worse lately as my friends are announcing they are having #2 and 3 in the same amount of time or even less time then we have been trying. I have been feeling like it will never happen and I will turn into the crazy dog lady who wheels her dog around the neighborhood in a stroller.

pennynjon · January 2011

butterfly843:
Sending hugs, I have similiar feelings. It has gotten worse lately as my friends are announcing they are having #2 and 3 in the same amount of time or even less time then we have been trying. I have been feeling like it will never happen and I will turn into the crazy dog lady who wheels her dog around the neighborhood in a stroller.

I know. It just kills me how easy it seems for the rest of the world.

I do wheel my dog arounf the neighborhood in his stroller Embarrassed . But he is paralyzed in his back legs. He has a wheelchair/cart. So he walks most of the way in that, but I do take the stroller for longer walks in case he gets tired. I am sure my neighbors think I am that crazy dog lady when they see me.

cutebride73 · January 2011

Oh hun - I am so sorry (((hugs))). I know it is so hard to see others have success when you are trying so hard. I have had the same feelings myself. I have a friend who has had two losses and she had struggled with IVF. She finally happened to get pregnant - without treatment. I am sooo happy for her, but sad for me at the same time.

It is completely normal to feel the way you do, it really is. And I have found that things have gotten easier to bear. A few months ago I couldn't imagine holding someone else's baby - but I was able to hold 2 over the holidays, both were born between my 2 EDD's. It was hard, but not impossible.

I just have to keep hoping and praying that it will happen for all of us too. ((((hugs)))

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