Too sensitive or insensitive? (Vent)

bigbear · January 2011

OK, so another woman at my work is pregnant and I am very excited for her. I'm always excited and happy to hear when somebody is expecting as I think it's the greatest thing ever.

But, and please tell me if I'm being too sensitive, if two of your closer friends at work know that you are TTC and that you are having a hard time, wouldn't you hope they'd be a little more aware of what they are saying? They are both moms, too!

Don't get me wrong, I'm not expecting people to walk on eggshells and watch every word they say b/c I am TTC. But first thing I got to hear when I walked in this morning is how this one girl is pregnant again! Then the convo went on and she was telling me how easy she had it and got KU on the first try. THEN the other friend tells me the same thing when she walked in, explained all the ins and outs of our coworker's pregnancy etc etc etc. So I got really sad b/c I can't even count on my two hads all the pregnancies that have happened around me and none of them were trying for as long as I have. So I always have those mixed emotions of happiness for them and sadness that I'm still waiting for my bun.... And I guess I got a little hurt b/c they know my story and they are chatting about all of this like it's nothing.

Anyway, I just wanted to let it out. Thanks for listening!

maybebride · January 2011

I am not going to tell you that it shouldn't sting to hear those things being talked about, but you are expecting too much from your friends to have them pick and choose everything that comes out of their mouths around you.

Ask youself two questions:
Will they be there to listen to you talk about all your pregnancy and baby-related things when it is your turn?
Would you prefer that you be closed off from your friends and be left out of conversations?

I work with two of my best friends and they body have children and they both had no problems getting pregnant right away. I also work in an office where getting pregnant seems to be in the water. I spend a good portion of my day talking about pregnancy and baby-related subjeects. My friends not only know I have been trying, but they are aware of all my struggles and how I feel about things.

But, I would never want them to not discuss things in front of me. I want to hear these things from them and I do not want them to feel so sorry for me that they don't want to talk to me.

ProcrastinatingBride · January 2011

I don't know whether they're being insensitive or you're being too sensitive.

I took a close friend into my confidence recently about our issues, and she was very forthcoming about how easy it was for her to get KU twice with her two kids. I think she even said, "He looks at me, and BOOM! I'm pregnant!" It stung me, but I've known her for a very long time, and I know that she would never say anything to hurt me intentionally. I still haven't decided whether she should have chosen her words more carefully or whether I was being too sensitive. Sometimes this process is just painful, and well-meaning people can make it worse, just as malicious people can make it worse.

Hope you feel better soon.

andy'shomegirl · January 2011

I understand where you are coming from. Unfortunately, people around us are going to get pregnant and in the excitement of everything, they are not going to remember how hard it can be for some gals. My advice, try to be happy for them and chin up. Your baby will be here at exactly the right time.

lcourter24 · January 2011

Hang in there, I know that it is tough. Unless someone has struggled with TTC I don't think they can really understand the effects their comments have on you. Though it's way easier said then done...try to block it out and keep your chin up. You'll get your BFP soon and they will be so excited for you!!!!

alison2379 · January 2011

I agree with everything that has already been said, but wanted to add that it's generally human nature to not know exactly how to respond to someone else's difficulties or hardship unless they personally have gone through it. I somehow doubt they're trying to hurt you, but unfortunately, thicker skin is probably needed. It's not right, or fair, but until you've walked a mile in someone's shoes for REAL and not in imagination, people are likely never going to be as sensitive as you want them to be.

bigbear · January 2011

Thanks everyone for your replys.

Again, I alreaady said that I'm not expecting people to walk on eggshells and watch every word around me. If the girl who is pregnant came up to me and told me I would have hugged her as I'm truly happy for her! lol No doubt about it! And I love talking about it and hearing other people's stories!

I just got a bit sad as the two friends told me about this as soon as I walked in and it was very recently that I told them that I'm having some difficulties and what an emotional rollercoaster it has been. They have told me about their pregnancies before, made comments how they don't get why I'm having a hard time getting KU etc. so given the circumstances and what they know and this not relating to them but a girl they dont really talk to much just caught me off guard as they were all about that convo. Maybe I am expecting too much. Like I said it's been a rollercoaster as so many of you know from own experience...

maybebride · January 2011

bigbear:

Thanks everyone for your replys.

Again, I alreaady said that I'm not expecting people to walk on eggshells and watch every word around me. If the girl who is pregnant came up to me and told me I would have hugged her as I'm truly happy for her! lol No doubt about it! And I love talking about it and hearing other people's stories!

I just got a bit sad as the two friends told me about this as soon as I walked in and it was very recently that I told them that I'm having some difficulties and what an emotional rollercoaster it has been. They have told me about their pregnancies before, made comments how they don't get why I'm having a hard time getting KU etc. so given the circumstances and what they know and this not relating to them but a girl they dont really talk to much just caught me off guard as they were all about that convo. Maybe I am expecting too much. Like I said it's been a rollercoaster as so many of you know from own experience...

Again, you just have to realize that this is what their lives are about whether it is their own babies or others. Seriously, at least once a week, one of my friends mentins someone they know who is either pregnant or just had a baby. Just yesterday, one of them talked about the baby boom going on at her church right now. This a week after they started reading my TTC blog, which is very personal and talks about those sort of thing things.

Like I said, it's goning to sting some everytime you hear something like that. But, they don't mean anything by it and the bottom line is they don't understand what it is like. So, your choices are to suck it up or remove yourself from the situations.

bigbear · January 2011

maybebride:
bigbear:

Thanks everyone for your replys.

Again, I alreaady said that I'm not expecting people to walk on eggshells and watch every word around me. If the girl who is pregnant came up to me and told me I would have hugged her as I'm truly happy for her! lol No doubt about it! And I love talking about it and hearing other people's stories!

I just got a bit sad as the two friends told me about this as soon as I walked in and it was very recently that I told them that I'm having some difficulties and what an emotional rollercoaster it has been. They have told me about their pregnancies before, made comments how they don't get why I'm having a hard time getting KU etc. so given the circumstances and what they know and this not relating to them but a girl they dont really talk to much just caught me off guard as they were all about that convo. Maybe I am expecting too much. Like I said it's been a rollercoaster as so many of you know from own experience...

Again, you just have to realize that this is what their lives are about whether it is their own babies or others. Seriously, at least once a week, one of my friends mentins someone they know who is either pregnant or just had a baby. Just yesterday, one of them talked about the baby boom going on at her church right now. This a week after they started reading my TTC blog, which is very personal and talks about those sort of thing things.

Like I said, it's goning to sting some everytime you hear something like that. But, they don't mean anything by it and the bottom line is they don't understand what it is like. So, your choices are to suck it up or remove yourself from the situations.

I know and I get it... We talk about all kinds of things all the time and it doesn't bother me. I guess I'm having a bad week and must be reacting to things alot more than usual. On Sunday I got to hear from my FIL that being a grandparent is a lot of work (he had to babysit my SIL's baby) and as much as he loves his grandchild it's so stressful and it's only going to get WORSE when we have our baby. Then added the comment: "but no pressure either way". So I think it's a combo of things that kind of hit me.

I'm really not a jealous or selfish person even if it may seem that way through this post LOL

Thanks for your input!

bigbear · January 2011

lcourter24:
Hang in there, I know that it is tough. Unless someone has struggled with TTC I don't think they can really understand the effects their comments have on you. Though it's way easier said then done...try to block it out and keep your chin up. You'll get your BFP soon and they will be so excited for you!!!!

Thanks!

jillybean1012 · January 2011

lcourter24:
Hang in there, I know that it is tough. Unless someone has struggled with TTC I don't think they can really understand the effects their comments have on you. Though it's way easier said then done...try to block it out and keep your chin up. You'll get your BFP soon and they will be so excited for you!!!!

I totally agree with this!

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