Invited to a crazy second baby shower!

jojobean1977 · January 2011

I just received the inviation today. Let me say that I am NOT going. It is at an expensive restaurant. It is for their second baby and no kids are allowed.

She is a friend of the family so I was considering sending a small gift, mostly to keep my MIL happy. When I looked up her registry, she has super expensive items and that is all. I also noticed on the invite that RSVPs are going to her. She must be throwing it herself!

I am shocked at what she is doing. I just emailed her to let her know I won't be coming. If she had a small sprinkle, I would consider but what she is planning for herself, is insane. Has anyone else been invited to something so rude and tacky?

LadyXaverian · January 2011

I've not been invited anything as tacky as that. That's pretty bad. Maybe I would send a small gift (not on her registry?) like an outfit or a gift card to where ever she is registered? Or don't send anything at all. Don't feel obligated!

I did go to a wedding shower that was at a restaurant and guests had to buy their own meal. There was no games, no prizes, no favors. Just buy your own lunch and bring a gift. It was the woman's 2nd marriage. It was small, the restaurant wasn't too expensive, and her bridesmaids threw it for her; she didn't throw it herself.

mommyjahr · January 2011

Who are these people?!! My best guess is that she is a member of this board from the posts that I have seen on here. Everything about this is tacky! I say no gift. Maybe bring a small gift when you meet the baby?

jojobean1977 · January 2011

Wow that is pretty bad to have to pay for your own meal and not have any favors! My DH jokingly said I should give her an outfit from the clearance section at Walmart.

RoxyLynn · January 2011

mommyjahr:
Who are these people?

I'm so with you! Good call on not going. You've got at least 3 good reasons.

2007MarchBride · January 2011

How rude!

Jenniferk08 · January 2011

That is insane. I would not send anything.

Temp38995750004016 · January 2011

AT least it is an a nice restaurant...you could go just to get a good meal out of her. Devil

Or are you going to have to buy your own?!?

Corts · January 2011

So just don't go and don't send anything. Don't spend so much time being furious about it being taacky...not your problem. Move on.

clauseka · January 2011

I would send a card with my written congratulations and leave it at that...throwing your second baby shower is pretty tacky.

Anniee1963 · January 2011

Yes- I have been invited to such a tacky shower! My SIL is pregnant with her 4th child (ages 6, 4 and 2) and actually asked me to throw her a baby shower when she found out she was pregnant over the summer! She said it would be something very small and immediate family only and that if I didn't throw the shower, she would ask her friend to do it. I stupidly said that if the friend would host, I could possibly help her. Well, said friend ended up sick in the hospital so my SIL told me that I could hold the shower at her own house after emailing me her guest list of 40 people. I declined, and it's been horribly awkward since. I received an invitation from MIL (that SIL filled out and mailed!) last week for her shower, complete with a massive registry from BRU with lots of expensive items and a request for diapers for a raffle. Good grief! What is the matter with people??

LadyXaverian · January 2011

Anniee1963:
Yes- I have been invited to such a tacky shower! My SIL is pregnant with her 4th child (ages 6, 4 and 2) and actually asked me to throw her a baby shower when she found out she was pregnant over the summer! She said it would be something very small and immediate family only and that if I didn't throw the shower, she would ask her friend to do it. I stupidly said that if the friend would host, I could possibly help her. Well, said friend ended up sick in the hospital so my SIL told me that I could hold the shower at her own house after emailing me her guest list of 40 people. I declined, and it's been horribly awkward since. I received an invitation from MIL (that SIL filled out and mailed!) last week for her shower, complete with a massive registry from BRU with lots of expensive items and a request for diapers for a raffle. Good grief! What is the matter with people??

Indifferent

eturp · January 2011

Yes I have! Here is the rant I wrote in a month board post about it:

Earlier today I got a friend invite on FB from a girl I used to work with and I confirmed her without thinking much of it. I just got home and checked my email and now I have an invite to her baby shower via FB. Maybe not such a big deal but not only have I not spoken a word to this girl in 6 months or so but even when I did work with her we were never close and I cannot think of a single non-work function that we ever hung out. On top of that, this is her second child and both are boys so maybe I'm old school but this just has tacky written all over it. Oh and I forgot to mention that according to the invite she is hosting it herself!

ETA: Okay, apparently I'm not done venting about this girl. I just got done talking with a mutual friend about the situation and she pointed out something I had over looked in my earlier rant. The shower is THIS upcoming Saturday. The friend I was talking to got invited over 2 weeks ago and I'm just now getting the invite?! Ordinarily(or at least minus the pregnancy hormones) I would like to give her the benefit of the doubt that she invited me because she genuinely wants me there (not just my gift). Now knowing that I got the invite less than a week until the shower I feel like she probably invited me because people she was expecting to come probably can't or don't want to because she is tacky and she is worried about not getting everything she registered for! Okay I think I'm done now Stick out tongue , oh and I quickly rsvp'd a big fat NO and I'm still considering deleting her as a friend!

EastCoastBride · January 2011

mommyjahr:
Who are these people?!!

Because Jojo simply said "I can't come", she would also be one of those people who comes here and says "I threw my own shower and no one had a problem with it!".

mommyx3hooligans · January 2011

Am I the only one that feels that your being a little selfish? I have 3 kids going on four, And I feel every baby should have it's own celebration, (not to say I have had a shower for each) But I do think that the old school view on baby showers, (only one, for the first baby) is rediculous and sends the message to the mother that this baby isn't worthy of a celebration. I don't think that there should be a huge shower for each child but a little get together to celebrate that baby should ALWAYS be in order, no matter how many kids there are. And maybe she wants to have a nice dinner with friends to celebrate her pregnacy, and the new baby. A lot of people register for bigger things for second or third showers b/c they didn't get that stuff the first time around, and they don't really expect ppl to buy it, but if someone does, then awesome! I would go to anyones second or third, or MORE shower, there is no rule that you HAVE to bring a big gift, you could always buy a little journal for the mom to be to write down her thoughts and feelings in that pregnacy that she could later give to the baby, it doesn't have to cost a fortune, or even be for the baby..

Baby's are a miracle. Like a little outfit is really going to put you out a lot of money...seriously don't hold a grudge that affects the baby, just b/c the mom is throwing herself a shower (which is slightly weird, but not unheard of)

My sister will be pregnant for her second soon, and I am going to make sure to throw her a little "sprinkle" whether it is a girl *which she already has*, or a boy. It's the fact of getting together and celebrating the new baby that matters.

If she expects you to pay for your own food, that's a little rude. I would just drop by and drop off the gift, say I can't stay too long, and be on my way.

BLM10 · January 2011

Send a card and call it a day.

RoxyLynn · January 2011

mommyx3hooligans:
Am I the only one that feels that your being a little selfish?

Apparently so. "Wanting" is nowhere near the same as "is entitled to." I'd be really offended to be invited to this thing.

miaomi · January 2011

mommyx3hooligans:

Am I the only one that feels that your being a little selfish? I have 3 kids going on four, And I feel every baby should have it's own celebration, (not to say I have had a shower for each) But I do think that the old school view on baby showers, (only one, for the first baby) is rediculous and sends the message to the mother that this baby isn't worthy of a celebration. I don't think that there should be a huge shower for each child but a little get together to celebrate that baby should ALWAYS be in order, no matter how many kids there are. And maybe she wants to have a nice dinner with friends to celebrate her pregnacy, and the new baby. A lot of people register for bigger things for second or third showers b/c they didn't get that stuff the first time around, and they don't really expect ppl to buy it, but if someone does, then awesome! I would go to anyones second or third, or MORE shower, there is no rule that you HAVE to bring a big gift, you could always buy a little journal for the mom to be to write down her thoughts and feelings in that pregnacy that she could later give to the baby, it doesn't have to cost a fortune, or even be for the baby..

Baby's are a miracle. Like a little outfit is really going to put you out a lot of money...seriously don't hold a grudge that affects the baby, just b/c the mom is throwing herself a shower (which is slightly weird, but not unheard of)

My sister will be pregnant for her second soon, and I am going to make sure to throw her a little "sprinkle" whether it is a girl *which she already has*, or a boy. It's the fact of getting together and celebrating the new baby that matters.

If she expects you to pay for your own food, that's a little rude. I would just drop by and drop off the gift, say I can't stay too long, and be on my way.

A baby shower has nothing to do with celebrating the life of the FIRST child only. The POINT of a baby shower is to SHOWER the FIRST-time mother-to-be with gifts..since it is her first baby and she won't have anything.

You can celebrate every baby but having a SHOWER for every baby is tacky, rude and gift-grabby.

dmheinzel · January 2011

I also am having a second baby and would like a baby shower thrown for me, but I dont have anyone to throw it for me. My first child was a boy and he is now 4 years old, most of the things from him are now gone, or "used and abused". I am also having a boy with this pregnancy. I dont think it is rude for her to be throwing her own shower, just because it is very expensive to raise a child. Im sure this woman is in the same boat as I am. And Im sure that on her registry there is the option to buy her a gift card. That way you can put money toward her new bundle of joy. Diapers are always a good gift too!

kristennd · January 2011

If the mother-to-be in the original post was actually in need of financial assistance with this second baby, she would not be hosting the shower at a facility that will likely cost her more than she will receive in gifts and she would not be only registering for high-end items.

danilynn17 · January 2011

dmheinzel:
just because it is very expensive to raise a child. Im sure this woman is in the same boat as I am.

This is your second child. Surely your first child taught you that kids can be expensive. It your responsibility to provide for your child, not your friends and family. If you couldn't afford to provide for another child, why would you get pregnant again?

RoxyLynn · January 2011

dmheinzel:
I also am having a second baby and would like a baby shower thrown for me, but I dont have anyone to throw it for me. I dont think it is rude for her to be throwing her own shower, just because it is very expensive to raise a child.

Shower - a celebration among family and friends Charity drive - a solicitation for goods for the needy, generally working under a 501(c)3 non-profit organization Not the same thing.

RoxyLynn · January 2011

dmheinzel:
I also am having a second baby and would like a baby shower thrown for me, but I dont have anyone to throw it for me. I dont think it is rude for her to be throwing her own shower, just because it is very expensive to raise a child.

Shower - a celebration among family and friends Charity drive - a solicitation for goods for the needy, generally working under a 501(c)3 non-profit organization Not the same thing.

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