need advice about a pregnant friend (long, sorry)

KJsbabe · January 2011

I have a friend who is pregnant and I have been avoiding her. We're not that close of friends. We met this summer and we found that we both have high energy dogs. Her and her husband would bring their dog over about once a week for a play date and we all would have a couple beers while the dog chased each other in our fenced in yard. Well, this fall, the day after she found out, she announced to us (and the rest of the world) that she was pregnant. I congratulated her and smiled and tried to hide the sadness I still felt after my mc 5 months prior. (yet another person was pregnant and still wasn't) Happily, though, I got a BFP a couple days later. We decided to keep the news to ourselves, though, in case of another mc. So, at our next doggie play date everything that came out of her mouth was pregnant this and baby that, but I didn't mind any more because I was finally pregnant, too! As luck would have it, her EDD was the same as mine 7/7/11. I thought, "how wonderful, a friend to go through pregnancy with! Our kids will be the same age, they'll grow up best friends, etc" Then I mc'ed. Since it's been the holidays and there's a foot of snow outside, I've had an excuse not to get together. I know that won't last forever, though, and sooner or later I'll have to see her. I'm afraid to see her. I feel like when I look at her the only thing I'll be able to think is "that's how far along I should be". I also don't know if I'll be able to handle her going on and on about how perfect and wonderful her pregnancy is going. She doesn't know that I was pregnant or that I've had 2 mc's. Like I said, we're not that close, so I don't know if I should tell her or just keep quiet and deal with her rambling. I try to think if the roles were reversed, how would I feel if she told me? I would feel awful and heartbroken. Do I really want to make a pregnant woman feel that way? Not really... I just don't know what to do.

lavril · January 2011

I'm so sorry - that would be awful! If it were me, I would probably just tell her instead of suffering through every last pregnancy conversation while aching on the inside. If not, I might just continue to avoid her for awhile until I thought I could handle it. I can't even imagine seeing someone who was due on my date regularly. I had to hide other girls on fb that were due within a month of me - it was just too hard.

Good luck!!

Oatoa · January 2011

I would tell her. I am in the same situation. We would've had the same due date and everything. But she is someone I see all the time at church. I can't not see her. I told her about the m/c once I couldn't ignore the baby bump and it has made seeing/speaking with her easier. Although we still discuss her pregnancy it isn't all of the time. Her partner also let me know she is very careful not too complain.

Also, if the two of you are not close, she may have had losses prior to this bfp. You never know, she may be a source of comfort and hope for the future.

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need advice about a pregnant friend (long, sorry)

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