I just can't do it...

JulsW · January 2011

Today I called the hospital where I had the surgery. They are having a burial for the babies lost in the last 6 months sometime this month. When I was on the phone trying to explain what it was that I was wanting to know (the date, time, and place) I was crying so hard that she couldn't understand me, she was very sweet and tried so hard to figure it out. Seriously I must have sounded like I was speaking gibberish when I could form the words, she finally asked if I could call back another time, or have someone else call back for me.

I am gonna try again tomorrow, but I just don't think I can do it. All I can think about is what happened, and that my baby is in a jar in their lab. I will feel so much better once I have this closure.

Pachita · January 2011

((BIG BIG HUGS))

I just realized we have the same loss date.

I hope you feel a bit better emotionally afterwards.

JulsW · January 2011

Pachita:
((BIG BIG HUGS))

I just realized we have the same loss date.

I hope you feel a bit better emotionally afterwards.

(((hugs))) to you also. I had never really read your dates, just the losses. I guess we are bonded forever!

thewayiam · January 2011

Oh my goodness, Juls, that must have been a really hard phone call. I can imagine that your grief just totally overwhelmed you. You're right, this closure will probably serve you well, but making that phone call tomorrow will be tough. Is there someone that could get that info for you? I'm sending strenght, thoughts and prayers your way. And a great big hug.

clauseka · January 2011

So incredibly sorry. I hope the ceremony will provide a bit of peace for you along the way. ((Hugs to You))

Pachita · January 2011

JulsW:
Pachita:

((BIG BIG HUGS))

I just realized we have the same loss date.

I hope you feel a bit better emotionally afterwards.

(((hugs))) to you also. I had never really read your dates, just the losses. I guess we are bonded forever!

I don't know why, but that statement made me cry! Maybe it's your whole story, but it also got me emotional, too.

LifeInANutshell · January 2011

I completely understand how you feel. It wouldn't hurt to have a friend or someone call for you - hey - I'd be happy to call for you. Just send me the number and I'll take care of it.

As for what you are feeling - I've been there. Its just now over 3 months since I gave birth to my sleeping baby and I can tell you that things do get better. Eventually there are more good days than bad...

That being said - for at least a month after our loss I communicated to the world in one of two ways - either I bawled my eyes out performing the simplest of tasks OR I acted like the coldest most bitter person you've ever met... there was no middle ground.

millejj1 · January 2011

Big big hugs. I hope that you are able to attend and get some closure. Take a deep breath.

butterfly843 · January 2011

((hugs)) Do they have a website that may have the info up so you don't have to call?

haziedaze · January 2011

Oh sweetie, what a hard task to complete! Seriously, see if someone can do it for you... I'd offer, but DH acts as my secretary because my cell rarely works in the hospital. You're so brave to try! I hope the timing works out, and that the ceremony is beautiful and brings you some peace. ((HUGS))

Tapatio · January 2011

I can only imagine how hard that phone call must have been. I hope the ceremony gives you some closure ((big hugs)).

JulsW · January 2011

Thanks Ladies! your kind words are making me think that maybe i will be able to do it tomorrow. I hope. They don't put that info on their website because it is such a tender and private thing. DH was in meetings, literally all day today and will be tomorrow as well. He said that if I don't think I can do it tomorrow or call and can't get through it again tomorrow that he will call on Wednesday. I just want to know as soon as I can so that I can start getting prepared, and make sure I am off work, etc, as well as just knowing that there is a date, will make me feel better.

I do have mostly good days, I actually hadn't cried talking about it or thinking about it since visiting my grandma in the hospital, I thought I would be okay, but just calling there did it, I guess.

JulsW · January 2011

Pachita:
JulsW:
Pachita:

((BIG BIG HUGS))

I just realized we have the same loss date.

I hope you feel a bit better emotionally afterwards.

(((hugs))) to you also. I had never really read your dates, just the losses. I guess we are bonded forever!

I don't know why, but that statement made me cry! Maybe it's your whole story, but it also got me emotional, too.

I cried when you pointed out that we had the same loss date. Today is a good day to cry and not understand why, I guess. I felt badly that I had never really realized that your loss date was the same as mine, felt like a bad bumpie, i guess. sorry hun, (((hugs))) for both of us.

Stretchad · January 2011

((HUGS))

Really sorry :-(

Lorange-8 · January 2011

I'm sorry I was the same way when i called to get the date for Farrah, I saw the lady on the other line was crying too. Wishing you the best for tomorrow.

tew213 · January 2011

I am sorry ((HUGS)). I hope it can give you some sort of closure. I wish it was an option for us.

LilMaggs · January 2011

*hugs* I am so sorry, that is such a hard phone call to make. T&P's coming your way.

rock-elle · January 2011

(((hugs hugs hugs)))

julesjb · January 2011

I'm so sorry

CashewsMommy · January 2011

(((huge hugs)))

opallover · January 2011

Oh honey.

PolyMama2Be · January 2011

I don't blame you. I don't know if I could do it either. I'm so sorry you have to go through this {{{HUGS}}}

Sara&Mike07 · January 2011

Big hugs to you my dear!!! I have not gone to any of the events my hospital has held honoring the babies lost, just too much for me.

I did go back about 2 weeks after Conner's birth to bring the nurses a goodie basket for being so good to me and my family when I was there. I bawled the whole way in the car and on the way to the floor but when I got there I suddenly was very calm and was able to talk to them and hug it out! No idea how or why I could do it!!

I hope you have an easier time if you call today, just know they understand that this is extremely hard for you and that we are all here supporting you through it!!

mizdiz444 · January 2011

I almost cried reading this. I'm so sorry that was so hard for you. I hope the ceremony helps you emotionally.

MommyandKate · January 2011

I'm so sorry. Please let us know if we can help in any way- I'm happy to make the call for you! I hope this ceremony brings some peace and closure.

cutebride73 · January 2011

(((hugs)))) I am so sorry - that would be such an incredibly hard phone call to make. I hope that you can do it tomorrow - or that someone else can for you. I am just so sorry for your loss.

FmrAFBrat · January 2011

((HUGS))....I hope your are able to find everything you need out today to attend.

KristysRedBarn · January 2011

Huge hugs. I'm so sorry.

I didn't realize there was another Kansas lady here. I usually just lurk, but am trying to be more active again.

shoefreak85 · January 2011

(((HUGS))) I don't think I could do it either! Could YH, your mom, or a close friend make the phone call?

cookie_queen · January 2011

((hugs))

Can you request details by email instead of having to call again? I try to do that whenever possible because talking about it is so hard sometimes.

TeamR&B · January 2011

I can imagine how hard that phone call must be. Hopefully YH or someone else can get the details for you if you're not able to go through with the call. I hope you're able to attend the ceremony and it brings some feelings of closure for you. Big ((hugs)).

PenguinHill · January 2011

Sigh, that sounds brutal - I'm sorry you had to have that conversation. It's nice that the hospital offers something like that, but it would be even better if they had a contact person who could give you the information without you needing to ask a dozen questions. Maybe you could have your DH or mom or a friend call today? I don't think you should have to do that twice. Good luck.