XP: Not one of the lucky ones...

julieb1218 · January 2011

First cycle trying after my m/c and AF showed her evil self this morning. I literally sobbed for almost an hour. I didn't realize how much getting this period would upset me but it felt like a punch in the stomach. I have to stay positive and hopeful for next cycle. I just had this hope it would happen the first time...but its time to dry my eyes and pray that in October 2011 I will be holding my baby.

haziedaze · January 2011

Every AF since my loss has been hard. I think it also brings up the emotions of the loss itself each time. It's the anxiety over seeing the blood that comes up each time and I have to remind myself that it's just a bust of a cycle and not a loss all over again. Hang in there... give yourself time to grieve but find ways to take care of yourself too!

Pachita · January 2011

((HUGS))

SlurpeeFloozy · January 2011

WARNING: You should probably read your audience before you post something like this. If you had, you would have noticed there are ladies here here who have been waiting many months, or even many years to be "one of the lucky ones". Here you are complaining about one cycle. It really sucks, we all know it. Luck may be part of it for you, but for many of us, it is not luck. If you get flamed, I warned you!

julieb1218 · January 2011

SlurpeeFloozy:

WARNING: You should probably read your audience before you post something like this. If you had, you would have noticed there are ladies here here who have been waiting many months, or even many years to be "one of the lucky ones". Here you are complaining about one cycle. It really sucks, we all know it. Luck may be part of it for you, but for many of us, it is not luck. If you get flamed, I warned you!

I'm so sorry I didn't mean this to upset anyone at all.

MrsR25 · January 2011

SlurpeeFloozy:
WARNING: You should probably read your audience before you post something like this. If you had, you would have noticed there are ladies here here who have been waiting many months, or even many years to be "one of the lucky ones". Here you are complaining about one cycle. It really sucks, we all know it. Luck may be part of it for you, but for many of us, it is not luck. If you get flamed, I warned you!

Considering she's been actively posting on this post for weeks now I think she knows her audience. She has every right to be upset. She's not whining and complaining. She talks about remaining positive.

I'm so sick of people on this board hiding behind AEs. Grow up.

SlurpeeFloozy · January 2011

MrsR25:
SlurpeeFloozy:

WARNING: You should probably read your audience before you post something like this. If you had, you would have noticed there are ladies here here who have been waiting many months, or even many years to be "one of the lucky ones". Here you are complaining about one cycle. It really sucks, we all know it. Luck may be part of it for you, but for many of us, it is not luck. If you get flamed, I warned you!

Considering she's been actively posting on this post for weeks now I think she knows her audience. She has every right to be upset. She's not whining and complaining. She talks about remaining positive.

I'm so sick of people on this board hiding behind AEs. Grow up.

Weeks!!!! Some ladies have been here for YEARS!!!! If you don't like it, move on.

Ryan&Kristin062009 · January 2011

MrsR25:
SlurpeeFloozy:
WARNING: You should probably read your audience before you post something like this. If you had, you would have noticed there are ladies here here who have been waiting many months, or even many years to be "one of the lucky ones". Here you are complaining about one cycle. It really sucks, we all know it. Luck may be part of it for you, but for many of us, it is not luck. If you get flamed, I warned you!
Considering she's been actively posting on this post for weeks now I think she knows her audience. She has every right to be upset. She's not whining and complaining. She talks about remaining positive.
I'm so sick of people on this board hiding behind AEs. Grow up.

****Ticker warning****

This is exactly why I stopped posting on this board. Some people are just ridiculous.

OP - That first AF is very very tough as many of the ladies on here know. Don't be discouraged by some posters. I wish you the best of luck in your TTC journey!

MrsR25 · January 2011

SlurpeeFloozy:
MrsR25:
SlurpeeFloozy:

WARNING: You should probably read your audience before you post something like this. If you had, you would have noticed there are ladies here here who have been waiting many months, or even many years to be "one of the lucky ones". Here you are complaining about one cycle. It really sucks, we all know it. Luck may be part of it for you, but for many of us, it is not luck. If you get flamed, I warned you!

Considering she's been actively posting on this post for weeks now I think she knows her audience. She has every right to be upset. She's not whining and complaining. She talks about remaining positive.

I'm so sick of people on this board hiding behind AEs. Grow up.

Weeks!!!! Some ladies have been here for YEARS!!!! If you don't like it, move on.

Sorry I missed the rule that you had to be here for years. I guess 95% of the board should leave. TTCAL 6+ exists for a reason. Why don't you move on?

GracieStars Hacker · January 2011

MrsR25:
SlurpeeFloozy:
MrsR25:
SlurpeeFloozy:

WARNING: You should probably read your audience before you post something like this. If you had, you would have noticed there are ladies here here who have been waiting many months, or even many years to be "one of the lucky ones". Here you are complaining about one cycle. It really sucks, we all know it. Luck may be part of it for you, but for many of us, it is not luck. If you get flamed, I warned you!

Considering she's been actively posting on this post for weeks now I think she knows her audience. She has every right to be upset. She's not whining and complaining. She talks about remaining positive.

I'm so sick of people on this board hiding behind AEs. Grow up.

Weeks!!!! Some ladies have been here for YEARS!!!! If you don't like it, move on.

Sorry I missed the rule that you had to be here for years. I guess 95% of the board should leave. TTCAL 6+ exists for a reason. Why don't you move on?

You should join me in the ranks of calling them bitter infertiles!! Come to my dark side. We should banish all girls who have made it past 6 months off this board as they don't belong here!!

CheesyPeas · January 2011

I'm so sorry, Julie. I hope you get your October baby.

mizrunzou · January 2011

OP: AF showing up is difficult, {Hugs}

Here's hoping Oct 2011 is our month!

SlurpeeFloozy · January 2011

MrsR25:

Sorry I missed the rule that you had to be here for years. I guess 95% of the board should leave. TTCAL 6+ exists for a reason. Why don't you move on?

Because my dear, I am here to protect the lovelies of this board from rainbow puking, unicorn riding people like you!

BabyTrippin · January 2011

MrsR25:
SlurpeeFloozy:
MrsR25:
SlurpeeFloozy:

WARNING: You should probably read your audience before you post something like this. If you had, you would have noticed there are ladies here here who have been waiting many months, or even many years to be "one of the lucky ones". Here you are complaining about one cycle. It really sucks, we all know it. Luck may be part of it for you, but for many of us, it is not luck. If you get flamed, I warned you!

Considering she's been actively posting on this post for weeks now I think she knows her audience. She has every right to be upset. She's not whining and complaining. She talks about remaining positive.

I'm so sick of people on this board hiding behind AEs. Grow up.

Weeks!!!! Some ladies have been here for YEARS!!!! If you don't like it, move on.
Sorry I missed the rule that you had to be here for years. I guess 95% of the board should leave. TTCAL 6+ exists for a reason. Why don't you move on?

Really? Wow.

npilcher506 · January 2011

I am not even to the "trying" cycle yet. But I know I too will be disappointed every time it doesn't happen. Good luck to you!!

shelbyluvschachi · January 2011

Well Slurpee, it's apparently been so long that you've forgotten the genuine, raw hurt that you feel when you get AF after trying for the first time after a loss. Have a little compassion and try to remember that everyone is not at the same stage of the TTCAL rollercoaster. I would hope there would be room -- and understanding, support, etc. -- on this board for everyone.

MrsR25 · January 2011

SlurpeeFloozy:
MrsR25:

Sorry I missed the rule that you had to be here for years. I guess 95% of the board should leave. TTCAL 6+ exists for a reason. Why don't you move on?

Because my dear, I am here to protect the lovelies of this board from rainbow puking, unicorn riding people like you!

I'm not rainbows and unicorns. The 6+ board was created so you don't have to see this if you don't want to. I totally understand its painful to see people talk about their first cycles when you are on cycle 6 or 7, etc, but everyone here has suffered a loss and posts so they can deal with it.

I'll flame someone just like the next person if they post here never having posted before saying 'wah wah wah why aren't I pregnant its been been one cycle." The OP didn't post like that.

It just gets really old that certain people here judge others based on how long they've been TTC since their loss.

SlurpeeFloozy · January 2011

shelbyluvschachi:

Well Slurpee, it's apparently been so long that you've forgotten the genuine, raw hurt that you feel when you get AF after trying for the first time after a loss. Have a little compassion and try to remember that everyone is not at the same stage of the TTCAL rollercoaster. I would hope there would be room -- and understanding, support, etc. -- on this board for everyone.

Wow you understand the reason I posted in the first place. Good for you! I don't know why this is such an issue. Think before you post. And really, we all remember the heartbreak when we got our first AF, why in the hell_ would we want someone to come back and remind us!? If you think the first AF is bad, wait until it has been years, then you will understand why OP should have thought twice about her post.

tdmd09 · January 2011

Sorry about AF, Julie.

npilcher506 · January 2011

shelbyluvschachi:

Well Slurpee, it's apparently been so long that you've forgotten the genuine, raw hurt that you feel when you get AF after trying for the first time after a loss. Have a little compassion and try to remember that everyone is not at the same stage of the TTCAL rollercoaster. I would hope there would be room -- and understanding, support, etc. -- on this board for everyone.

MrsR25 · January 2011

wickedsugar:
MrsR25:
SlurpeeFloozy:
MrsR25:
SlurpeeFloozy:

WARNING: You should probably read your audience before you post something like this. If you had, you would have noticed there are ladies here here who have been waiting many months, or even many years to be "one of the lucky ones". Here you are complaining about one cycle. It really sucks, we all know it. Luck may be part of it for you, but for many of us, it is not luck. If you get flamed, I warned you!

Considering she's been actively posting on this post for weeks now I think she knows her audience. She has every right to be upset. She's not whining and complaining. She talks about remaining positive.

I'm so sick of people on this board hiding behind AEs. Grow up.

Weeks!!!! Some ladies have been here for YEARS!!!! If you don't like it, move on.
Sorry I missed the rule that you had to be here for years. I guess 95% of the board should leave. TTCAL 6+ exists for a reason. Why don't you move on?
So MrsR25, you are basically saying I don't BELONG ??? Two words for you ... Fvck You ..

No. I clarified later on. Totally not what I meant, but I can completely see how you got that.

ETA: I do apologize that that is how it came across.

MrsAtch · January 2011

OP, I'm sorry. I'm just getting over my first AF. This is loss number two for me, and seeing AF again really doesn't ever get any easier. I'm hoping that ALL of us get 2011 babies.

shelbyluvschachi · January 2011

SlurpeeFloozy:
shelbyluvschachi:

Well Slurpee, it's apparently been so long that you've forgotten the genuine, raw hurt that you feel when you get AF after trying for the first time after a loss. Have a little compassion and try to remember that everyone is not at the same stage of the TTCAL rollercoaster. I would hope there would be room -- and understanding, support, etc. -- on this board for everyone.

Wow you understand the reason I posted in the first place. Good for you! I don't know why this is such an issue. Think before you post. And really, we all remember the heartbreak when we got our first AF, why in the hell_ would we want someone to come back and remind us!? If you think the first AF is bad, wait until it has been years, then you will understand why OP should have thought twice about her post.

*Sigh* The thing is, you so clearly don't get it. All you get is your own situation. You've been TTCAL for a long time. That sucks. That sucks so incredibly hard, and it's not fair, and I wouldn't wish it upon anyone. But guess what? OP's situation sucks too. It sucks for her, and for lots of people reading her post who are in her same situation or who can remember being there. And this board is someplace she can talk about it as far as I'm concerned, and my guess is that that VAST majority of people on this board would agree that she should be able to talk about her struggles even though it's "only" been one month of TTCAL.

Carolee · January 2011

OP - I am sorry. AF sucks.

Junebug060609 · January 2011

OP: I totally get what you're talking about. This was our first cycle back too & AF showing up on Friday sucked.

tdmd09 · January 2011

SlurpeeFloozy:
shelbyluvschachi:

Well Slurpee, it's apparently been so long that you've forgotten the genuine, raw hurt that you feel when you get AF after trying for the first time after a loss. Have a little compassion and try to remember that everyone is not at the same stage of the TTCAL rollercoaster. I would hope there would be room -- and understanding, support, etc. -- on this board for everyone.

Wow you understand the reason I posted in the first place. Good for you! I don't know why this is such an issue. Think before you post. And really, we all remember the heartbreak when we got our first AF, why in the hell_ would we want someone to come back and remind us!? If you think the first AF is bad, wait until it has been years, then you will understand why OP should have thought twice about her post.

By this argument, though, we shouldn't ask and expect people to post intros when they join the board, because undoubtedly their intro will talk about losing their baby. We all remember the heartbreak when we lost our baby/babies, why would we want someone to come back and remind us?

The nice thing about this board is there ARE people at all stages of their loss and healing process, people who can say "I've been where you are and it does get a little better." Telling someone their pain isn't valid isn't accurate, or helpful to anyone.

MrsR25 · January 2011

Reposting here too. I understand how everyone feels about what I said. And I do apologize. You guys can accept or not. I can't change the way you feel. I reread what I said and it totally did sound that way.

What I honestly meant was 6+ is there if you don't want to deal with the new people. If you don't want to have to constantly deal with people coming and going after a couple cycles. It was created so you didn't have to be in any more pain then absolutely necessary.

cutebride73 · January 2011

OP - it is hard when you get AF when you are so hopeful to get pregnant again right away. It also sucks to get pregnant right away and then have another loss. There is no easy here. I hope you have success soon and can move forward. But, in the meantime, there are some amazing women here who have been here for awhile and they can give you some wonderful insight and support - if you are open to it.

NY-allie · January 2011

Julie - I'm sorry for AF. Anytime you get AF it sucks - its a reminder that you still are not pg and you have another month to wait until you get your take home baby. <hugs>. (The good news is that the bitterness seems to fade for me about CD 3-4)

julieb1218 · January 2011

wickedsugar:

I think what a lot of the older ladies are reacting to is the title...Not the best choice, Yes I remember what CD1 was like , after the first month of trying, did it hurt, was I upset, sure... but the way this is worded... Hell I must be really unfuckinglucky.

You ladies put so much pressure and unreal expectations on your selves, that its not good, Remember it takes the average couple 6 months - 1 year to get KU, and there is only a 20% chance each month with perfect timing. (this does not include ladies with Fer. Issues, that's a whole different ballgame)

I am really sorry that my title was not a good choice. I really think it has nothing to do with luck at all. I'm not at all trying to say my grief is any harder than anyone elses. I just actually don't feel very "lucky" in life in general. It was just a really hard year. I lost my mom to breast cancer, my grandfather to sarcoma, and had a m/c. I'm not trying to compare anyones grief but just wanted to apologize again for my poorly worded title. I was just hoping I was in that 20% but obviously that is not the majority and I realize that.

CheesyPeas · January 2011

wickedsugar:

I think what a lot of the older ladies are reacting to is the title...Not the best choice, Yes I remember what CD1 was like , after the first month of trying, did it hurt, was I upset, sure... but the way this is worded... Hell I must be really unfuckinglucky.

You ladies put so much pressure and unreal expectations on your selves, that its not good, Remember it takes the average couple 6 months - 1 year to get KU, and there is only a 20% chance each month with perfect timing. (this does not include ladies with Fer. Issues, that's a whole different ballgame)

I can't speak for the OP but this is exactly what I figured she was getting at in her title. I read it to mean that getting KU on the first try is not likely. There's only a 20% chance of it happening, which would make her pretty lucky if it were to happen She isn't unlucky seeing as how she's in the majority. I get how it is making people feel like she's calling them unlucky but I really don't think that was how it was intended.

clauseka · January 2011

OP - so sorry about AF ((Hugs to You)). May next cycle be your lucky cycle.

stillbaking · January 2011

SlurpeeFloozy:
shelbyluvschachi:

Well Slurpee, it's apparently been so long that you've forgotten the genuine, raw hurt that you feel when you get AF after trying for the first time after a loss. Have a little compassion and try to remember that everyone is not at the same stage of the TTCAL rollercoaster. I would hope there would be room -- and understanding, support, etc. -- on this board for everyone.

Wow you understand the reason I posted in the first place. Good for you! I don't know why this is such an issue. Think before you post. And really, we all remember the heartbreak when we got our first AF, why in the hell_ would we want someone to come back and remind us!? If you think the first AF is bad, wait until it has been years, then you will understand why OP should have thought twice about her post.

Slurpee - I'm having a hard time understanding why OP's post was so bad. She's going through a painful time and turned to the board for support. Isn't that what this board is for? She wasn't posting to "remind us" of that pain, she was posting to express her pain. Which is valid. That first AF SUCKS.

Your pain suffering through multiple AFs is also valid. OP complaining about her first AF post loss doesn't diminish how much this, my fifth AF post, SUCKS, nor does it diminish how much your pain sucks.

But what you said to her in your first response basically diminished her pain and told her pain is less valid than your own. Which is not okay, in my opinion. You say she shouldn't think of herself first and instead be considerate of her audience, asking her to forgo her pain in respect for yours, but at the same time, you're putting yourself first in that request, and not being considerate of her. I think we need to remember that we're all at different stages in this process, and while our pain is different, it is all valid. I don't believe that's being puppies and rainbows. I think that is being reasonable, compassionate adults.

pennynjon · January 2011

OP- I am sorry that AF showed up, and that you are going through this. I hope we all get our take home babies in 2011 too! ((hugs))

ewilliams1127 · January 2011

shelbyluvschachi:
Well Slurpee, it's apparently been so long that you've forgotten the genuine, raw hurt that you feel when you get AF after trying for the first time after a loss. Have a little compassion and try to remember that everyone is not at the same stage of the TTCAL rollercoaster. I would hope there would be room -- and understanding, support, etc. -- on this board for everyone.

Agreed!

CheesyPeas · January 2011

stillbaking:

Slurpee - I'm having a hard time understanding why OP's post was so bad. She's going through a painful time and turned to the board for support. Isn't that what this board is for? She wasn't posting to "remind us" of that pain, she was posting to express her pain. Which is valid. That first AF SUCKS.

Your pain suffering through multiple AFs is also valid. OP complaining about her first AF post loss doesn't diminish how much this, my fifth AF post, SUCKS, nor does it diminish how much your pain sucks.

But what you said to her in your first response basically diminished her pain and told her pain is less valid than your own. Which is not okay, in my opinion. You say she shouldn't think of herself first and instead be considerate of her audience, asking her to forgo her pain in respect for yours, but at the same time, you're putting yourself first in that request, and not being considerate of her. I think we need to remember that we're all at different stages in this process, and while our pain is different, it is all valid. I don't believe that's being puppies and rainbows. I think that is being reasonable, compassionate adults.

Well said!

KaitySueWho · January 2011

stillbaking:
SlurpeeFloozy:
shelbyluvschachi:

Well Slurpee, it's apparently been so long that you've forgotten the genuine, raw hurt that you feel when you get AF after trying for the first time after a loss. Have a little compassion and try to remember that everyone is not at the same stage of the TTCAL rollercoaster. I would hope there would be room -- and understanding, support, etc. -- on this board for everyone.

Wow you understand the reason I posted in the first place. Good for you! I don't know why this is such an issue. Think before you post. And really, we all remember the heartbreak when we got our first AF, why in the hell_ would we want someone to come back and remind us!? If you think the first AF is bad, wait until it has been years, then you will understand why OP should have thought twice about her post.

Slurpee - I'm having a hard time understanding why OP's post was so bad. She's going through a painful time and turned to the board for support. Isn't that what this board is for? She wasn't posting to "remind us" of that pain, she was posting to express her pain. Which is valid. That first AF SUCKS.

Your pain suffering through multiple AFs is also valid. OP complaining about her first AF post loss doesn't diminish how much this, my fifth AF post, SUCKS, nor does it diminish how much your pain sucks.

But what you said to her in your first response basically diminished her pain and told her pain is less valid than your own. Which is not okay, in my opinion. You say she shouldn't think of herself first and instead be considerate of her audience, asking her to forgo her pain in respect for yours, but at the same time, you're putting yourself first in that request, and not being considerate of her. I think we need to remember that we're all at different stages in this process, and while our pain is different, it is all valid. I don't believe that's being puppies and rainbows. I think that is being reasonable, compassionate adults.

I agree.. Her posting about her first AF didn't bother me, it didn't hurt me, I felt bad for her because I do remember what it's like and I wouldn't want anyone to go through that...

shanna82 · January 2011

julieb1218:
First cycle trying after my m/c and AF showed her evil self this morning. I literally sobbed for almost an hour. I didn't realize how much getting this period would upset me but it felt like a punch in the stomach. I have to stay positive and hopeful for next cycle. I just had this hope it would happen the first time...but its time to dry my eyes and pray that in October 2011 I will be holding my baby.

I'm going to ignore most of this thread and just say I'm sorry AF showed

It does suck whether it's your 1st or 12th. ((hugs))

Izabella22 · January 2011

OP: I'm sorry you got AF, I remember my first AF after my first loss and while they all suck, seeing blood again was totally heart wrenching, for me it a little bit felt like re-living the m/c. I won't tell you it'll get easier but yeah the first was a doozy for sure *HUGS*

Temp774929562501329 · January 2011

::hugs:: i know how you feel. i got AF a few days ago, our first cycle post-loss. i was heartbroken too. FX for an October baby for us alll!

shoefreak85 · January 2011

Julie, I'm sorry AF came. I had my hopes up after our first cycle, even though I knew I shouldn't. AF appearances just get worse as time goes on. ((HUGS))

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