Talking with a childless friend (kinda long)

lms_bride · January 2011

I was IMing with a close friend who doesn't have any kids (also not married) yesterday. We hadn't "talked" in awhile so were playing catchup, mostly on her life. Her bf is pretty wealthy I think. He was an exec at Apple and just quit. They are going to do 4 months of traveling (she is taking a sabbatical) and then she will return to work and he will probably find a job somewhere else. They are going to South Africa, Tahoe, and then doing a drive across the US (but "avoiding the middle" by sticking to coastlines or something). As she was filling me in, it was just one of those weird times where I was thinking, our lives couldn't be more different. She lives in a huge house in SF, has no kids or pets, and her bf is very well off. They are headed basically on a 4-month vacation. And while we were IMing, Travis was crying through his nap, and Tyler kept asking for more snacks, etc. She asked how the kids were. I kept my response brief.

I don't begrudge her anything, at all. She is not one to brag or make you feel jealous. I am totally excited for her and I really like her bf too. But the stark contrast was just... weird. Probably more for me than her. I was thinking, why would she want to hear about my life. It is so mundane compared to hers. And I know that is my own judgment, not hers because she is actually really sweet and in the big picture we have a lot in common and she always brings gifts for the kids when she visits, etc. It was just one of those convos that made me realize our lives are getting further apart and while I would actually take my life over hers (family vs. singlehood) anyday, it just felt... strange.

I am not describing this well, because I don't harbor any resentment or ill will toward her, its more just... I guess a bit of sadness that our lives are so different so I think its getting harder for us to relate to one another. Anyone have this with childless friends? Sorry for the rambling...

MrsBalletStar05 · January 2011

haha, I understand. I often think this when I'm on the phone with almost anyone and the kids are at my feet.

jnksmom · January 2011

I understand what you are saying. One of my really close friends is not married or in a relationship at all, has no kids, and has started college and then quit like 5 times because she can't decide what she wants to do. She has also had 5 or 6 jobs in the last 3 years because again she has no idea what she wants to do. We have a hard time relating to each other and our conversations seem to get shorter and shorter. Also, she really wants to be married and have kids so she has told me that although she is happy for me she can't help but be a little jealous because she feels like it will never happen for her. I think that has hurt our friendship also and has contributed to our shorter conversations because I try not to talk too much about or any at all about DH and the kids. It makes me sad because we were so close(she was in our wedding) but I feel we are drifting apart.

ali-1411 · January 2011

Some of my best conversations are with people I have nothing in common with. There is so much to talk about...even with friends who are married and have kids, we don't even talk about our kids except for a brief How are they? at the beginning of the phone call.

silkyhorse · January 2011

jnksmom:
I understand what you are saying. One of my really close friends is not married or in a relationship at all, has no kids, and has started college and then quit like 5 times because she can't decide what she wants to do. She has also had 5 or 6 jobs in the last 3 years because again she has no idea what she wants to do. We have a hard time relating to each other and our conversations seem to get shorter and shorter. Also, she really wants to be married and have kids so she has told me that although she is happy for me she can't help but be a little jealous because she feels like it will never happen for her. I think that has hurt our friendship also and has contributed to our shorter conversations because I try not to talk too much about or any at all about DH and the kids. It makes me sad because we were so close(she was in our wedding) but I feel we are drifting apart.

This is happening to me with a married friend who is going through infertility treatments right now. She has admitted that it hurts to hear about my DS. I told her I totally understand and I try to not talk about him too much with her.

cepcep · January 2011

I can so relate to what you are saying. Its amazing how our lives change and can become so different from our friends. I miss my friends a lot, we are all so different and busy now.

Notwifezilla7 · January 2011

Our closest couple friends moved to the city (NYC) a month after Moira was born. They now are city people- living in an doorman penthouse apartment, dining out in fancy restaurants, basically living a fabulous life- while I'm covered in spit up in the suburbs. What's great though, is even though our lives are completely different now, we still have much to talk about and when we get together we're still basically the same wackos! I actually wrote about it in my blog a while ago. come to think of it.

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