Too scared to start nursery/register/have a shower... — The Bump
High-Risk Pregnancy

Too scared to start nursery/register/have a shower...

My friends have mentioned when I want my shower to be scheduled.  My husband asks when we are going to pick out furniture and start decorating the nursery.  Honestly, my mind is so far from thinking about this and I'm so nervous to plan these things.  I know that we need to order furniture but I still feel like it is so early with so much up in the air.  I guess I need to get to a place where I truly believe we are going to be bringing a baby home.  Did anyone else feel this way?  How did you deal with it?  Thanks.

Re: Too scared to start nursery/register/have a shower...

  • I was actually to opposite.  I was wanting to start decorating and buy things the week I found out we were expecting.  I figured we would use the thing I bought no matter what eventually.  

    I was more scared of telling people.  I didn't want to have to untell people.  I just kept telling my-self that 75% of babies make it past the first trimester and that after the first trimester it went up to like 95%.  Every once in a while until the last couple weeks I would worry about something happening.  Irrational fears are normal.  Just focus on the positive.

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  • Big hugs to you, LHC10. You are not alone. I think many of us "high risk mamas" have felt exactly as you do. As you can probably see from the ticker and picture in my siggy, that my son arrived over a year ago, but I think I can speak to your feelings because it feels like yesterday! I was a positive thinker during my pregnancy, but let's face it--with a high risk pregnancy, the stats that apply to typical pregnancies don't always apply to us.

    First of all, we didn't have a shower--but that was because my MIL is a rather traditional Jewish woman and it is not Jewish tradition to have a shower prior to the birth. But, regarding planning, getting the nursery ready etc--I felt the way you do. I dragged my feet. I felt that if I put the nursery together and Joseph didn't come home that it would be an extra heartbreak.

    Now that the pregnancy is behind me, I realize that the heartbreak we would have felt if we had lost our son..well, I don't think that it would be harder having the nursery all set. It would just be hard all the way around.

    I urge you to reframe your thoughts. Your DC is already here. Whether they are here with 5 months in your belly, 5 years on earth, 50 years, or more--they are your child. Celebrate every moment they are here with you. Whatever that means to you. When my son was in my belly, I sang to him while we took a warm bath. I rubbed my belly. I told him stories. And, although it made me nervous, after we had a successful fetal echo, I planned and put together the nursery. I felt close to him while I applied the stencil on his wall ("Sweet dreams, sleep tight. We love you. Good night")--When we chose the artwork. When DH put together the glider.

    I think that if the pregnancy took a bad turn and we lost him--I would take comfort in those times. In planning for him. I would not have wanted to look back and feel like I wasted the time he was here with us (in my belly). We were a family before his birth day.

    At first, I thought that I could protect myself against his potential loss by distancing myself from the planning etc. That it would help me not get too attached. The truth is, that I was already a mother. There was no taking that back. If I lost him, I think I would have regretted not embracing planning for his arrival. I would have felt cheated out of some of the only memories I would have had that were specifically for (and with) my son.

    Everyone is different. And all the emotions one feels during the uncertainty of a high risk pregnancy are valid. I just wanted to share my perspective having some time and distance from the experience.




    Married 4/12/08 DS born 11/17/2009 via c-section at 39 weeks. 11/12/2011 BFP #2!! m/c 7w5d. 2/28/2012 BFP #3 Beta #1-12dpo = 18; Beta #2-16dpo = 185; Beta #3-18dpo = 505. EDD 11/10/2012. Ectopic discovered at 5w4d. D&C followed by methotrexate.
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  • I'm a little nervous about getting started on the nursery and registry to do list. But, if I don't focus on that which is positive, I start fretting about the high risk part of my pregnancy and I'd rather try to think positive thoughts than negative what-if thoughts. It's hard!
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  • Please don't be scared. I would wait until you past your 1st trimester though.. I finally registered last month because I was very scared.. I had two MC previously so it was hard for me to be very excited initially. After I heard his heartbeat my world was so wonderful.. I am due in 10 weeks or so and I am very excited and so will you.. Best news - we order the crib from BRU and they said it would take 12-14 weeks but it only took 4 weeks... Worst case your baby will sleep in a bassinet.. Best of luck and may God be with you and bless your pregnancy.
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