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Single Parents
Brief intro...WDYT? (very long, sorry!)
Hi ladies. I have been lurking on this board for a little while now. I am from PgAL (pregnant after a loss). I'll give you a little background, but this is already going to be long enough...
My baby's father and I found out we were going to have a baby in July of last year. We were very excited and a few weeks later he proposed. This was coming anyway, but we were especially excited to get one step closer to marriage now that we were expecting. Sadly, I miscarried in September. After this things started to get a little shaky, so we started to seek counseling. Mostly we wanted help with our grieving process but we noticed our relationship also needed a little work. We decided we would wait to try to conceive again until after we got married. Little did we know I was already pregnant again...
So here I am, a little over 14 weeks pregnant.
The counseling didn't really help. I have come to the realization that it's not really our relationship that needs help. It's him. I'm not by any means under the sun trying to imply that I am perfect and have no flaws. But that being said, it is him. He is an ***. Here are a just two examples.
He has anger issues. He throws things when he's mad. He breaks things. It doesn't help that he is bipolar. One minute he is holding me and telling me he loves me and the next he is calling me names... He says and does hurtful things.
He is lazy. He can't keep a job for more than a month at a time. And he doesn't even have a good reason to quit. He was working seasonally for UPS recently. SEASONALLY...meaning HOLIDAY season. So from about Thanksgiving to Christmas. He only made it two weeks. His excuse? "It's too cold outside"........ Don't get me started on this one.
I KNOW I need to leave him. I know this. I really really truly do. But damnit it is easier said than done. And that's where you ladies come into play. I know you have all been through it. I am so afraid to raise this baby by myself. But at the same time I know it's not right to put my baby in the middle of our horrendous relationship. We don't live together, so that's a good thing. And I'll be leaving for about 3 months, without him, in just TWO WEEKS. It couldn't come fast enough at this point.
I am just trying to keep my head on my shoulders, and stop crying hysterically and screaming my head off, because I know that none of those things are good for the growing baby inside me.
Please, anyone, help. I know I'm not technically a single parent yet. But I have a large and ever growing feeling that in about 26 weeks or less, I will be.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Brief intro...WDYT? (very long, sorry!)
He does want to be in the baby's life. I do 120% plan on filing for child support right away. As for custody issues, I have no clue what I'm going to do. I still have some time to think about this one, though.
I do plan on going out with friends a LOT. And taking warm baths. And watching dumb movies. All of it.
I appreciate your kind words and your advice!
Becca, you are on a role today! ITA with everything Becca says. And we are here for you! If he doesn't want to be a part of the babies life take it for what thats worth. Maybe start looking towards collecting CS, eventhough he can't hold a job they can go after unemployment pay. I left my "situation" while 3 months pregnant, It can be done, and all you have to keep in mind is your doing it for your baby!
I'm so sorry you're being faced with this decision, but you're absolutely right in saying you need to get out the relationship. Is your SO actually diagnosed as being bipolar, or were you just calling him that based on his drastic mood changes? Regardless, he's exhibiting the classic cycle of domestic violence, even if it's only emotional at this point. The fact he gets so angry he throws things is a good indicator that someday he'll turn that anger to you and you're unborn child.
I'm in a different position because my STBXH left me, and I didn't have a choice about whether or not to be a single parent. However, I just recently made the decision for myself that I would, indeed, be filing for divorce, thus cementing my status as a single parent. While the choice initially wasn't mine, I had to suck it up and do the right thing for me and my son. You know what the right decision is, but you just need to get the strength to make the first move.
It's good that you don't live together. Will you be able to support both you and your LO once they arrive? Do you have a good support system of family and friends?
Achase has a great blog and I can't remember if she quoted this, or if she came up with it on her own, but there was a phrase that really has stuck with me... "It's better to be from a broken home than to grow up in one". Every time I think about what "could've been" for me and my STBXH and the life we were supposed to have together, I remind myself of this phrase and that my STBXH isn't the same man I married. I imagine your SO isn't the same person today as he was when you started dating, right?
Good luck to you and we're always here!
As usual, ITA with everything Mrs. Keith2B is saying. I have a good friend who deals with a bipolar ex, whom she has a child with. Just listening to your story reminds me so much of hers. It was a crazy life she lived with him and she's thankful everyday to be off of the emotional roller coaster that she was on for six long years.
Have you gone to counseling? Looked up symptoms of this illness or read up on it? I would definitely document everything. GL and keep us posted on what you decide.