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Toddlers: 12 - 24 Months
MissAmber23
member
I'm losing my mind because my child won't sleep (LONG)
MissAmber23
member
My child does not sleep. He's never been a good sleeper. In his whole life he's slept through the night 3 times. All 3 were right before his birthday in October, and I was thinking maybe we finally turned the corner. But since then, he's slept in our bed every night, because he has a complete melt down if we put him in his own bed. I've tried letting him cry it out (doesn't work, and I have a panic attack in the meantime). But the nighttime isn't what's killing me.
He won't nap. Today he has napped for less than 30 minutes total, and that's with me holding him. If I put him down he just stands there and screams. I have my boss breathing down my neck about a grant application that's due on Friday, and I can't put the child down. He screams, slams my computer shut, or destroys stuff in the house. He never ever naps more than 30 minutes at a time, and I usually have to spend 45 minutes or more just to get him to go to sleep.
I just don't know what to do with him. He sleeps ok at night if he's in our bed, but if he's not in our bed, none of us sleep. And during the day he doesn't really sleep at all.
Before Christmas I thought I was getting him into a better routine, and he was starting to put himself to sleep when I put him in the crib. But then we visited my parents for a week, and ever since we got back he acts like he's utterly terrified of his bed. It's like the end of the world when I put him in there. And he doesn't just scream and cry - he bashes his head against the bars until I have to take him out or he'll injure himself.
I know there's not much anyone can do to help, I just needed to vent. I feel like I'm losing it.
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Re: I'm losing my mind because my child won't sleep (LONG)
Does he watch TV or movies? Sometimes, my 18 m/o daughter literally freaks out when I put her to bed or sometimes wakes up screaming like she's on fire in the middle of the night and then won't let me put her back to bed...even after rocking, etc. I figured out that certain things on TV/movies (even animated or cartoon ones, like Shrek) are what scared her or caused bad dreams (no, she did not watch anything that we would consider scary or bad). She's not allowed to watch anything remotely scary after lunch time. And I mean, things like cartoon characters scaring another character or anything that's not completely happy/silly.
Hope you figure out the cause and find a solution soon. I know it's no fun!
Does he know how to fall asleep on his own? We just did CIO and it wasn't as bad as i thought i would be. My DS did not know how to fall asleep on his own. He also does not get a bottle when he wakes up in the middle of the night & is not held. We do not rock or hold our DS till he falls asleep. Now we have a bed time routine. We put him down wide awake and he stands up and crys for less than five minutes and goes to bed. We had to train him that when he crys we aren't going to confort him to sleep. It was hard to hear him cry but i had a fellow bumpie to text and lean on..... Let me know if you need support...
He doesn't watch TV or movies - he's never shown any interest on what is on the screen. But he does wake up screaming just like you described - and when I pick him up he flails and hits me and pushes me away. But I can't put him down, either - that just makes it worse.
He does know how to put himself to sleep but he doesn't do it consistently. Before we went to my parents house for Christmas, I could put him in the crib and then sit in the rocking chair across the room while he settled himself down. He'd take about 5 minutes to flop around and eventually just go to sleep. Now I can't even get him to do that. If I put him on our bed and lay down, he'll crawl around and find a comfy spot and then put himself to sleep. I don't have to touch him or anything - just lay there nearby until he settles down. But it only works if he's ready to go down.
I've tried letting him cry it out in his own room, but he would bang his head on the rails, or even climb out of the crib and fall. So then we converted his bed to the toddler bed so he wouldn't get hurt climbing out. But now I can't even get him into the bed he gets so upset.
Argh.... I just don't know what to do with him anymore.
Hang in there! Your LO sounds a lot like my DD. DD has always been a crappy sleeper. I'm still nursing her to sleep for nap and nighttime. She still wakes a few times at night and will nurse back to sleep quickly. We co-sleep to make things easier. On days she's extra tired and/or I need a break I let her nap on my lap (like now lol). I have a computer set up here and can get lots of stuff done while she sleeps. She'll end up napping 2ish hours this way.
At night I nurse her to sleep in our bed and then sneak downstairs. The past two weeks we have seen a huge improvement and she now will sleep hours before we go to bed whereas she used to wake up after 40 minutes like clockwork. It's been amazing! Cry it out wasn't for us and it finally feels like she's learning to go back to sleep on her own, finally!
It really sounds like your LO is overtired. When DD gets that way but won't sleep I find putting her in a back carrier and either doing some cleaning or just walking around really calms her and saves my sanity. Also, when DD is teething it really helps to give her some medicine before bed.
Remember that LO will eventually sleep and this will pass.. good luck!
ETA: Do you think moving the toddler bed into your room temporarily would help? Or have you considered going right to a single bed so you can cuddle him to sleep in his room and then leave? No idea if it'd help but it might be worth a shot.
Thanks. I keep telling myself that he'll eventually sleep, but it sure doesn't feel like it!
Our room is too small to bring his bed in here with us. But I've even laid down in the toddle bed with him (tight fit!), and he still freaks out. It's like he's scared to death of his own bed.
CIO did not work for us. Around 14 months, we did the Sleep Lady Shuffle. It really helped our whole family. I did not specifically do it to help his naps, but he became an awesome napper as an added bonus. One of the keys was putting DS to bed way earlier (like 5:30 some nights) because he was so over-tired from being sleep-deprived for basically his entire life.
You can google the Sleep Lady Shuffle and/or check if your library has the book, Good Night, Sleep Tight.
Thanks. That's actually what I did a few months ago to get him to put himself to sleep. It seemed like it was working for a short while, then it all fell apart. I guess I'll start over again and see if it works for us.
I appreciate all the suggestions. This is why I love the Bump!
DD is a horrible horrible sleeper and is FINALLY starting to sleep. First, straight CIO does not work for DD, she gets too worked up. What we did first was the Sleep lady shuffle. We did this a week or two to get her used to going down with us standing right there. Then we did Ferber, but we did a very modified version, going in every couple minutes and staying with her several minutes, never letting her get worked up too much. We just based how long the intervals were on how upset she was and went in as needed. It took about 3 weeks total but she did finally STTN (7p to 6a) for 3 weeks until her molars shot it all to hell. We are sleep training again right now since her molars are through and it is working fairly quickly this time .
I think realizing that we can't just let her cry, and approaching it from a parenting her and teaching her how to sleep rather than "just let her cry and figure it out on her own" approach worked so much better for us.
For naps, she figured out how to do it on her own after her nights were better. Until that point I just held her for naps so that she slept, and I slept with her to help me get through the day. GL! I know how much sleep deprivation sucks!