So Sad :(

PiperS · January 2011

I went in yesterday for a check up after the spotting at 9wks and the baby measuring a week behind my OB and I finally thought I was out of the woods. I made it to my second trimester. I was going every two weeks for check ups but this was the last time and then I was moving to once a month.

I saw the baby moving around with a strong at the NT scan just a week and a half ago. When I went yesterday my OB couldn't find the hb with the doppler so she took me to use their simple u/s machine and there was no flicker. I lost the baby somewhere between 11wks 6days and 13wks 3days. I am heartbroken. The news hit me like a ton of bricks and I just started to cry. This was my first pregnancy and I never thought this would happen to me especially this late. I have to go in for a D&E Thursday.

I had already announced it even on FB. I don't know how I am going to tell everyone. I have only been able to talk to my mom and husband so far. I am just so shocked and hurt. I know my baby wasn't healthy from the beginning and there were problems but I thought we made it through and everything was going to be fine. OB said it was probably chromosonal and I will be able to have other children, but I already loved this one. I can't imagine going through the whole first trimester again. I feel so empty! I don't know how I am going to get through this.

julesjb · January 2011

I'm so sorry for what your going through. I made it to my second tri before I found out we lost the baby as well. It is hard to put into words how hard this experience is but I hope you find lots of support here.

ohbabyoh · January 2011

I am so very sorry for your loss. I recognize you from the July board. I only have words but please know that you WILL get through this. It's really hard to think about 'next time' at this point, I know... it's scary. Focus on yourself right now and just take one step at a time.

This is a really great board, although I mostly lurk, the ladies here are amazing. You'll be in my thoughts and prayers and I wish you a quick recovery from the D&E and I hope you find peace.

ekmOC · January 2011

This is a good place to share your feelings and you will realize that you are not alone. You will get through this and you will try again when you are ready. Sometimes you don't know how strong you are until you are tested.

clarks415 · January 2011

I am so sorry you are going through this. My experience was similar. I was through the first trimester and thought I was in the clear. It is extremely devastating. It is okay to feel that it is. You did lose a child and no others you have will ever replace this one.

I could only talk to my mom and husband for the first few days. Then I talked to my cousins (who are like my sisters) but even until this point that is all I have felt like talking to. I am worried about my feelings, I know sounds selfish. But YOU have a selfish card right now! Talk to who you want, feel how you want, cry when you want, be angry, I know it sounds strange.

You will feel very empty, I still do. I don't know if it will ever go away. But when the time is right for you you will want more children. They will never replace the little one you lost. You will be a mother.

The only thing getting me through is faith. I have faith that this is all part of God's Plan for our family. I don't know why, but I know every path he leads me down is for a reason. You may not think this now, and may hate me for saying it but at the point I am at now I have to believe it.

rosemary&thyme · January 2011

I'm so sorry for your loss. All you can do is give yourself as much time as possible. Hang in there and hopefully you can use this board during your healing process.

jpeazybreezy · January 2011

I am unspeakably, incredibly so so sorry for your loss. I never in a million years imagined that anyone else from the July board would be here at this point. I had so hoped for all the rest of you to have a take home baby this summer.

I can't begin to think I have any idea what you're going through, but do know that everyone is unique, so while you're not alone, you have every right to handle this however you see fit.

I have friend that lost her baby after 11+ weeks who had also announced it on facebook. Looking back on that time, all I can remember is what was a remarkable outcry of sympathy and support. Everyone was so sweet, and kept their words simple, but true. And you know what? When she announced that she was pregnant again (this time she waited until she was 14/15 weeks), the outrcy was immense again, but this time it was full of love and hope and excitement.

This is a dark and terrible time that we are living in, but take heart in the fact that it can not and will not last. I am so sorry for your loss, and pray that you get through this as best you can.

lauren.cus · January 2011

Piper- I recognize you from the July board too and it just breaks my heart. I hate with a passion that you're here but we welcome you with open arms. These ladies have been such an amazing support system for me and I hope they can do the same for you. I was pretty far in my pregnancy when we lost our LO. The baby made it to 12 weeks 3 days. It's all just so unfair. Last week was the darkest of my life but with my faith and support of my husband and these girls I made it through. If you ever need to talk please feel free to PM. I'm so sorry for your loss

alexa08 · January 2011

I'm so very sorry for your loss and for the pain you're in. We lost our LO at 18 weeks and I understand exactly how you feel. The days leading up to my D&E were challenging, it was hard to say good bye, and the emotional recovery has been slow. Not a day goes by that I don't miss my LO dearly. I'm so mad this happened.

We only called our parents and siblings when we found out then I sent messages to my best girlfriends, and just waited for the news to spread on its own. We're received a lot of support and love from our friends and families.

Our doctor told us what happed was rare and we should not fear a repeat. We're just starting to TTC again.

Good luck to you and your husband. The ladies on this board are wonderful and a good support network. (((hugs)))

LDW80 · January 2011

I want to start out by saying how so sorry I am for your loss. I too was on the July board (due 7/1) and lost my baby last Monday. I thought for sure having already seen the HB at 9wks6dys and LO looking healthy and strong and me being 13wks along I would be fine at my second appt. Not the case. I am seeing that no one is "fine" unti baby is in your arms screaming and even then it is not a guarantee. I am the same way thinking "I don't want to go through the first trimester again" and I feel so alone and lost. My dr. did give me some information on a local support group with other mothers who have gone through this. I plan on going to that meeting in a couple weeks. Maybe looking into something like that will help. This board has been my saving grace and everyone on here is exceptionally wonderful and understanding. I pray you can get through this and hoping for a better 2011. ((hugs))

WifeyWynn0626 · January 2011

I'm so sorry for you loss. It's harder for me to see other July momma's here. The best way I got through my grieving was to just take it a day at a time. Cry when you want to, get mad and angry, scream and throw things. It's okay to be selfish right now because you have to take care of you. I agree with PP, this board was an amazing support system. If you need any one to talk to or just to vent to, feel free to PM me. ((hugs)) I know this is a very difficult time for you.

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