supposed to be in a wedding!

Lindsaywillo · December 2010

So...my husband and i are both supposed to stand up in a wedding 3 days after my due date...obviously that isn't going to happen! I'm a little worried about telling the bride since I kind of said I'd hold off on trying for a couple of months so I wouldn't be due around her wedding date. Then the more I talked to people and the more I thought about it everyone said not to stop trying because who knows how long getting pregnant could take! AND...of course we got pregnant and are due a couple of days before her wedding. YIKES! So...any advice on what to tell her and when? I feel like I need to tell her ASAP so she can make arrangements....I'm only 5 weeks along now so I think it's still a little early to be breaking the news! Quite the dilemma!

BabyQuizzle · December 2010

Wow! That is tough. I think that you should wait until you are comfortable sharing your news with everyone before you tell her. She will still have time to make other arrangements and if she is a good friend, she will be happy and share in your joy. Maybe you guys can have a wedding video viewing party so you can show her how much you cared about her big day. I am in a wedding about 1 1/2 months before I am due and I am nervous about my dress fitting! Good thing I ordered it a size too big because I wanted extra material to make straps. Hope it fits! and good luck with your bride!

NurseLaLa · January 2011

I'd tell her ASAP. If you're in her wedding, she must be special to her and her special to you!

hollytony · January 2011

I was supposed to be a bridesmaid in my best friends wedding 1 week before my due date. I told her when I was 6 weeks pregnant (before we told anyone else) because I felt it was important that she knew. We decided I would be one of her personal attendants that way in case I go into labor early I won't be too missed (she is having another PA) and that way I can pick out a dress as it gets closer since I have no idea how big I will be by then and don't want to not fit into my bridesmaid dress. It is a hard situation to be in but if shes a good friend she will be happy for you! GL.

SarahPLiz · January 2011

I'm going to assume she asked you to be a BM because she loves you and values your presence on her wedding day, and not because you will throw her parties or be at her beck and call. You can still emotionally support her and her marriage (job of a BM) whether you are physically there or not.

What should happen is that you tell her, and she says "Oh, that's fine, I hope you can be there, but if you can't I'd never replace you! We'll send you your bouquet. Take care of yourself and the baby". Of course, as a reg on TK, I can tell you that rarely happens.

I'd say wait until 12 weeks and then tell her. You due date could be adjusted, you could go early or late, anything could happen. Offer to make arrangements to be there if you can, in the case that you haven't delivered then (if no travel is involved). She is going to feel stressed by the unknown, but hopefully your friendship means enough that she won't get mad. Babies trump symmetrical wedding parties EVERY TIME and don't let her make you feel any different. If she has one less BM up there with her, her marriage will still be valid.

FWIW, I'm in 2 weddings this year, one at the end of 4 months, and one 2 months post partum. One bride knows and one doesn't yet, but they both are ok with pg BMs.

angiek1 · January 2011

BabyQuizzle:
Wow! That is tough. I think that you should wait until you are comfortable sharing your news with everyone before you tell her. She will still have time to make other arrangements and if she is a good friend, she will be happy and share in your joy. Maybe you guys can have a wedding video viewing party so you can show her how much you cared about her big day. I am in a wedding about 1 1/2 months before I am due and I am nervous about my dress fitting! Good thing I ordered it a size too big because I wanted extra material to make straps. Hope it fits! and good luck with your bride!

My sister was 6.5 months pregnant in my wedding and she called and had them order extra fabric for her dress and the alterations lady was able to add it in. Since you only went one size bigger and you are going to be close to 8 month pregnant I suggest doing that.

angiek1 · January 2011

I would tell her when you are ready, but I think the sooner you tell her the better. The only thing I could foresee her getting mad at is that you communicated that'd you would wait to try and then didn't. Most friends will be elated for you, but every now and then a friend turns into bridezilla and isn't so happy (and then feel like a jerk later).

I love the idea of offering to be her personal attendant instead, then you can be there on the big day if you haven't had the baby yet or if you are feeling up to it.

Good luck

alicia023 · January 2011

I would tell her as soon as you are ready to tell. My friend was getting married last year 3 days before my EDD with DD and she knew I was pg and she asked if I would be an honorary bridesmaid ( that way I wouldn't have to stand the whole time) and then if I went into labor then there wouldn't be a hole. Well good thing, because the morning of her wedding my water broke. So I never made it to her wedding. Maybe your friend could do the same that way you would still be honored.

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