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Toddlers: 12 - 24 Months
I feel ready to share this. (long)
I would like to share what happened to me to make me realize I needed to be on medication and get help. Hopefully, someone else had an experience like it or I can encourage someone to seek help.
In February, when G was about 4 months old I started having hallucinations of sorts. I would be asleep in the morning and feel DH sit down on the bed beside me, only to open my eyes and see he had already left for work hours before (he works early). Or I would hear him walk around the bed and hear the floor creak, and again open my eyes and no one was there.
The worst happened one morning around 600am. I was half asleep in bed, (Dh at work, G still asleep). I felt the bed move again. Just like someone sat down beside me. I tried to ignore it and told myself it was my imagination. All the sudden, I felt a huge weight bear down on me. I was laying on my belly, and it felt like something was holding me down on the bed. It was so strong. I sort of struggled and then just gave up. Like I accepted this thing was going to kill me. I felt held down for another minute or so. Then I heard angry whispering in my ear. Like something was sitting on me, bending down, and talking next to my head. It wasn't English but I could tell it was angry. When I stopped struggling and gave up, it vanished.
I was too scared to move. I just lay there for about 30 min with my heart pounding and tears running down my face. I finally was able to get up and I went to G's room to check on him. I got him out of bed and brought him into my room so I wasn't alone. I ended up calling my grandma who wakes up early. She is very religious so it wasnt a great idea. She told me it was a demon trying to kill me and started yelling some prayer. That freaked me out even more.
That was my breaking point to get help. I made an appointment the next day. I have been on an anti depressant and anti anxiety since. I was diagnosed post partum depression and generalized anxiety disorder. I think the hallucination was just a culmination of all the pressures I felt. My mind literally had me pinned down. It was the most terrifying moment of my life, but at least it was the kick I needed to get myself some much needed help.
I know this makes me sound insane. Maybe I was. But hopefully this can help someone else know that they arent alone, and things can get better.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: I feel ready to share this. (long)
Agreed!! (And this is coming from someone who does't believe in ghosts!!!!)
Go Phils!!
Actually, I agree with this.
If you haven't seen/felt anything since you got on the meds, then it probably was just your PPD, but this sounds like a spirit.
I've heard stories of good spirits and evil spirits. The good ones don't really do anything. They'll let you know they're there, but they don't want to hurt you. The bad ones, well they do things like what happened to you.
God, I sound like a nut.
Either way, I'm glad you got the help you needed and hopefully nothing is going on anymore.
I agree and I'm a psych. If someone came to me with this story, I'd really want them to investigate if the spirit came only in their sleep or if anyone has seen/heard something.
It's good that OP has seen someone to talk about issues, don't get me wrong. But being held down and yelled at in a foreign language isn't a typical anxiety/depression symptom (unless it's a more serioud PPP, maybe). Glad you're getting treatment for any other issues, though.
Aw, crap. Now I am more freaked out! I havn't had anything happen since. My mom spent the night here once and said she couldn't sleep because she felt like something was watching her. DH hasn't noticed anything.
I'm mean, I could be wrong, of course and probably am. To me, if the spirit only came while you were in a state of sleepiness, then it's probably just your mind/dreams. Our minds can do weird and crazy things... oh and I don't think you were/are really crazy.
But I'm not so quick to dismiss ghost stories. I've had a few things happen to me that couldn't be anything but spirits (my dad, mainly). I wouldn't worry about it, but maybe make note if things settle down now because you're taking care of yourself and feeling better.
Do you live in a house? How old is the house? Do you know of anyone who has died there?
That would just freak me out and I'd have to do some research. Like Echo said, I'd be more inclined to believe a force holding me down and whispering in a foreign language is a spirit rather than a symptom of PPD. And not to freak you out, but my first thought reading your OP was "demon" too, like your grandmother.
I'm not saying what happened to you is not a symptom of PPD and it didn't cause you to hallucinate, because I have heard of that, but this just seems different. Especially after reading what your mom said about feeling weird at your house.
It's a new home. But it was built on a lot that used to have a trailer that was knocked down to build the house.
This is exactly why I said if she hasn't felt anything since getting on the meds, then it was probably the PPD.
Also, emma didn't mention any other hallucinations, so I'm just going off what she stated in the OP.
I agree with all of this. That was a denom, yo. We live in a spiritual world. Whether you believe it or not, they exist. Scary stuff. I'm sorry you went through that.
Go you for taking the step. I did when my LO was just 6 weeks. I knew something wasn't right when I would cry saying goodbye to someone. I felt so much better after I began taking the low dose meds. And, overall, my life was more in balance. I probably should have been taking them for years just never took the step.
I wonder now if I will need them once my new baby is born in March. I am open to the idea because I know how much better I felt with it. The only downside is I stopped nursing due to the meds. I just have to make that choice.
Our bodies go through much more than we can imagine while pregnant and raising LO's.
I choose to ignore other theories and believe that it was hallucination.
I'm no expert, but I've seen severe PPD cause similar hallucinations in others, and I also do not want to freak myself out with demon stories.
I'm glad that your meds are working, and that you shared. I'm sure it will help someone, and in the end that's what matters.
I am so sorry you had to go through all of that. I do believe in the supernatural too. Also, there is a phenomena called "Old hag" where similar symptoms happen to people when the brain wakes up but the body is still paralyzed from being in a sleep state....I wonder if you could have experienced that?
https://www.associatedcontent.com/article/253980/old_hag_syndrome_a_look_at_sleep_paralysis.html
I'm just lurking, but I wanted to let you know that I have had *very* similar things happen to me on occasion, and good old Dr. Google diagnosed me with sleep paralysis. Look it up. I bet that's what's going on.
DH: 31, no issues
4-6/2012 100mg of Clomid + trigger + IUI/TI = BFN
7/2012 150mg of Gonal-f + trigger + IUI = BFN
8/2012 Surprise unmedicated BFP!! Due May 8, 2013
wow- that sounds so scary no matter what it's from.
since it's been better after the meds i woudln't worry too much about it being a demon/spirit- but if you are now worried about that- google "prayers binding spirits" and there are prayers to "banish" evil spirits from your house... might make you feel better to say some of them.
DH knows depression/anxiety and when i read him your story he said that's not uncommon - you can physically feel that way b/c of depression and anxiety. I'm glad you found help and are doing better!
OMG, thank you so much for this link. That sounds so much like what happened.
And thank you for all the support guys. It means a lot.
I would talk to your doctor about something called Hypnogogic hallucinations. I don't know much about it but I remember learning about it in my physiological psych grad class when we went over Sleep Disturbances. It sounded VERY much like what you described. Good luck!
I am SO sorry you were struggling with that, and I think it's awesome of you to share your story. I would trust your doctor and your gut and consider yourself recovering and that the halucination was ppd-related. ((Hugs))
I seriously think it's sleep paralysis and not ppd/anxiety. 100%. But that's just my opinion.
When it happened to me (it used to be quite frequent...A few times a week.) I would be either just falling asleep or just about to wake up and I would suddenly be "aware" of an evil presence or whatnot in the doorway of my bedroom, next to my bed, etc. and I would try to scream and I couldn't get anything out, I couldn't move, and I didn't dare to open my eyes because of the evil "presence". I would eventually (after what felt like 5 or 10 minutes) snap out of it and really wake up. I would also sometimes feel like I was levitating out of my bed. Yeah, so that sounds pretty crazy when I type it out. lol.
I guess it's a real sleep "disorder". I never talked to anyone about it, but like I said, I had several appointments with Dr. Google and he diagnosed me. lol. It hasn't happened to me in years, thankfully. I hope that was a one and only episode for you because I truly understand how terrifying it can be.
This. I have a history of depression, and I found that when I had these hallucinations is when I was feeling depressed. I had a lot of episodes after my first m/c: I would feel like someone was standing over me, and I couldn't move or scream for help. I remember feeling a hand on my back, whispering in my ear, heavy breathing, etc. But somehow I new that wasn't paranormal - I never felt this when I wasn't just waking up.
I also have had the reverse happen- my body wakes up before my mind does, which results in me seeing everything from demonic clowns to severed heads on my nightstand. Yeah, it's effed up. But when I'm on medication, it goes away.
Thank you for sharing this. I'm glad you got help and are feeling better. It's such a terrifying sensation, and it's nice to know that I'm not alone in experiencing this phenomena.
It has happened a couple times. The first was maybe 5 years ago. I was living with my ex and I had the 'being lifted up off the bed' feeling one night and then the 'being held down' feeling the next. I was so terrified sleeping in that room. It is so nice to read scientific reasoning behind it. I wonder why messed up sleep cycles and stress lead to so many people experiencing the 'evil' sensation?
Thanks Mav! PPH's sent your way.
Whatever. I know not everyone has the same beliefs and I told her it probably was her own mind.