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March 2011 Moms
Am I Just Paranoid Or Is Mother's Intuition Already Here And Right?
First off, I wanted to say "Hello" to my fellow March 2011 Moms. I am having my frist child (a boy) due 27 March 2011.
I have a list of people who are not allowed to babysit or even hold my future child(ren). At the top of that list is my SIL. Here's why: her jealousy/bitterness and the fact she's irresponsible, irrational, and spontaneous. I feel more comfortable having my teen BIL take care of my future child(ren)!
Joan (we'll call her) has always had a history of being jealous of her older brother (my husband). The family and even friends of the family have come to terms with, "that's just who she is." Mind you, I have no issues with any other of my husband's family members.
Example 1 (Part 1): My husband and I announced our engagement and proceeded to plan our wedding. Joan couple of weeks later had her wedding. (Note: She only knew the groom one month before moving in with him. They married the second month into their relationship.) The problem was, no one from my husband's family was invited and my MIL found out about the wedding from a church member!...Several months later at a relative's funeral, Joan tells my MIL (and I quote) ,"Since I was the first one to get married, they can have your first grandchild."
Example 1 (Part 2): A month after that funeral, I found out I was pregnant. Our plan was to only tell our parents and the child's godparents the first month. Then everyone else (siblings, cousins, etc.) would know the third month. Joan found out the second month because someone spilled the beans to her (small town gossip). To this day, she holds a grudge, because we didn't tell her and she wasn't the first to know.
Example 2: Joan started her drama at the Christmas get-together at my in-law's. She started making snide remarks about my husband and BIL. They fire back, and she starts to literally cry and threaten to leave!
I think you understand my concerns...
I am lucky to have such great in-laws. I don't want to cause any tension by having this list and her being at the top of it. However, I am the parent, and I am responsible for the child no matter who is babysitting/holding him at that moment in time. I understand moms are protective, but I'm just wondering if I am being irrational?
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Am I Just Paranoid Or Is Mother's Intuition Already Here And Right?
I think its a little overkill to have a list... And to tell her she cannot hold the baby will probably only cause more familial tension. Then again, it's your child so you and DH make those decisions. Good luck.
breastfeeding, cloth diapering, farming mama.
I understand having issues with in-laws. DH and I were both told by my MIL that we will make horrible parents and that's just the tip of the iceberg on her. She will be allowed to hold our child. We haven't decided if LO will be allowed to spend the night or weekends there and we'll cross that road when it comes. However, I don't think any of the forementioned are reasons to prevent someone from holding a child.
Example 1, part 1 - If her real reason for marrying someone was because her brother was getting married, then yes it's super childish. I personally don't agree with getting married to someone you've known two months but DH said he knew the day we met that I was the one.
Example 1, part 2 - I have a lot of people who are upset that I didn't tell them sooner. A LOT. It was a personal decision that people will have to accept.
Example 2 - Sounds like she just wants attention.
Well, as pp said, it's your child, you do what you want. Just know that any tensions will be escalated and not allowing her to hold your child if she asks will only give her more excuses to be dramatic and attention-grabbing. Personally, I would would want to avoid that much drama around my kid but that's me. She sounds lovely, BTW.
This. You don't need to let her babysit, but not let her hold him? That's a bit much, unless you plan on creating family drama that will be your fault.
Thank you all for posting your thoughts.
I'll get rid of the list, and let her hold the baby. I'm just so nervous. It's my first time being a mom, and I want to protect my baby. Also, I don't want to cause any drama.
I discussed it with my husband, and we both agree she'll need to be supervised while holding our LO. And, we're definately not leaving her alone with my baby.
I totally agree. You'll only be adding flame to the fire that, in this case, would be quite ridiculous. And I think I'd personally be upset if my sister or SIL didn't tell me about a baby when my parents found out a couple months before. That's kind of weird spacing for immediate family to know...it was inevitable that she would find out with that much of a time gap. That being said, what's done is done and you can only move forward. It stinks to have such close family be so frustrating to be around (I have that in my family too) but don't go overboard with not being able to hold a child to try to prove a point either. It just seems to stoop down to her level. Hang in there
EDD 1/31/13, MC May 17. EDD 3/31/13, MC July 26. I miss you so much already my angel loves