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My best friend is pregnant...

vegasgirl07vegasgirl07
in Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss
and I am having a hard time with it. i am sooooo happy for them, but im soooo envious its making me nuts. I never thought someone else's happiness would make me so unsettled. How did you deal with the emotions when someone you are close to got pregnant? thanks for sharing!
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Re: My best friend is pregnant...

  • kimmiekpkimmiekp member
    I had a miscarriage on Mother's day last year.  We had a big family get together at my mom's house.  My cousin and his wife decided to announce that they were 13 weeks pregnant. I was soooo jealous... I was angry (not really at them, but at the situation).  I was laid out on a lawn chair in pain and sad giving my family all kinds of excuses (no one knew but my mom and siblings) while they constantly talked about the baby, the future, how she's feeling, etc.  My cousin and his wife went on to have a beautiful baby girl, but my cousin's wife found out after server back pain days after delivery that she had cancer on her spine.  It was a really rare cancer and the outlook was not good.  It was a tremendously long ordeal where she was in the hospital and the baby was at home with my cousin and uncle.  She is now "cancer free" at the moment having undergone chemo and radiation.  I'm so happy she's doing well and I felt SO bad for feeling jealous.  It was then that I realized.  Anything can go wrong with anyone at any time.  It doesn't do you any good to feel bad for their good fortune.  You know? Don't get me wrong I still have my moments. And I know my sister is going to be trying at the beginning of the year and I think if she gets pregnant before me I'll stick a fork in my eye (she's 7 years younger than me which makes it even worse lol). But you have to look at it from the standpoint that any birth is a sheer miracle (we're all proof on here how hard it is to have a baby) -- Feeling envious isn't going to make you feel better or get pregnant any faster... you know? And I'm going to try to take this advice myself because I still have my moments too. It's very hard....
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  • WifeyWynn0626WifeyWynn0626
    My best friend is due in May. Flawless first trimester, no m/s, no symptoms and it was an "oopsie" baby. Not that she doesn't deserve it any more than anyone else, but ever since my loss this week, I can't help but thinking that my DH and I tried and tried to conceive our LO and lost it, while she had a birth control slip up and has a healthy LO growing inside her.  But, I agree with KimmiKP, anything can happen to anyone, at anytime and while maybe it was DH and I's time yet; I can't get angry at my BFF because she's having a healthy pregnancy. She's been wonderful this week, texting me her thoughts while keeping her distance since she knows it'll hurt me to see her and her disgustingly cute little bump. So, while I don't really have any advice on how to help you deal with your emotions, I can sympathize with your situation and I totally understand where you are coming from. I hope it gets easier for you.
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  • chemica186chemica186 member
    Both of my sister in laws are expecting and I find myself leaving the room a lot of the time so that they cannot see me upset. I am happy for them and I want them to know that so I just try to make sure that they see me being happy for them. It is really hard though.
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  • JP71402JP71402
    My sister and I were due 10 days apart, to say it has been easy is a lie.  Just like someone mentioned, I try to stay happy for her.   I leave the room if necessary and just try to support her bc I know if the tables were turned, she would be there for me.   I am trying to focus all of my energy on getting healthy.   I totally understand how you feel .... there are days when I feel like I am kicked in my stomach again.  Hang in there!!
    BFP:8/31/10..Natural Miscarriage 10/31/10 @ 12 weeks BFP:4/20/11..Natural Miscarriage 4/26/11 @ 6 weeks
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  • ohbabyohohbabyoh

    imagekimmiekp:
    I had a miscarriage on Mother's day last year.  We had a big family get together at my mom's house.  My cousin and his wife decided to announce that they were 13 weeks pregnant. I was soooo jealous... I was angry (not really at them, but at the situation).  I was laid out on a lawn chair in pain and sad giving my family all kinds of excuses (no one knew but my mom and siblings) while they constantly talked about the baby, the future, how she's feeling, etc.  My cousin and his wife went on to have a beautiful baby girl, but my cousin's wife found out after server back pain days after delivery that she had cancer on her spine.  It was a really rare cancer and the outlook was not good.  It was a tremendously long ordeal where she was in the hospital and the baby was at home with my cousin and uncle.  She is now "cancer free" at the moment having undergone chemo and radiation.  I'm so happy she's doing well and I felt SO bad for feeling jealous.  It was then that I realized.  Anything can go wrong with anyone at any time.  It doesn't do you any good to feel bad for their good fortune.  You know? Don't get me wrong I still have my moments. And I know my sister is going to be trying at the beginning of the year and I think if she gets pregnant before me I'll stick a fork in my eye (she's 7 years younger than me which makes it even worse lol). But you have to look at it from the standpoint that any birth is a sheer miracle (we're all proof on here how hard it is to have a baby) -- Feeling envious isn't going to make you feel better or get pregnant any faster... you know? And I'm going to try to take this advice myself because I still have my moments too. It's very hard....

    I couldn't agree with this more.  A very good friend of mine is pregnant and was about 6 weeks ahead of me.  They were out of town for almost a month so we were going to tell them this week about my pregnancy.  Now that I have no pregnancy, I am so scared to tell her about any of it.  I know that her pregnancy has nothing to do with me but I feel like if I tell her about mine and my m/c, that she'll worry or be uncomfortable.  Other friends in our circle know what happened, but I am honestly considering waiting until after her baby arrives in May to tell her about any of it.  Hopefully by then I will be pregnant again with a healthy baby.

    OP I am sorry that you are going through this.  As difficult as it is, try to take kimmiep's advice. 


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