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Stay at Home Moms
"wasting" your degree by SAH
Hi, i'm new here. i'm actually floating between "working moms" and teh "SAHM" board since we are thinking of having a kid in sometime in the next year and i'm trying to thikn about which option to choose. there are definitely pros and cons to both, and i feel fortunate to even have the choice.
ive seen in a few threads comments about how your moms feel like you are "wasting your degree" by not working. my mom has made that comment abotu my sister (both to her and to me abotu her) and i wonder if part of me is struggling with what i want to do because of that comment, knowing she'd say the same abotu me.
i'm somewhat torn. on the one hand, i got my masters when i was in my mid-late twenties, and didnt officially start my career until i finished at 29 and got my first job in my field at 30. so, i'm 33 now and i feel like i'm just starting out, whereas some of my other mom friends are already 10 years into their careers. I also didnt marry until 31 because i was finishing up my schooling, etc. So, i feel like if i quit now, i may never get back into it because i dont have 10 years of solid experience in my field yet. But if i wait until i have 10 years, i'll be 40 and my husband will be 43 - too old (for us, personally) to start a family. with only 3 years in, i do feel in some ways like i would be wasting what i spent so much of my 20's working towards.
Was your decision to stay home an easy one to make? Are you glad you did? Any regrets? Do you miss your career/job/workfriends? Will you ever return to the same type of work you did before you quit?
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Re: "wasting" your degree by SAH
My decision was easy because I had already been a working mom for a few years and I wasn't happy. It was a huge adjustment and I did miss my work friends a lot. But I've made new SAHM friends and now I'm happier than I've ever been.
I've also had my kids young. I'm 28 years old and I have an 8 yr and 2 yr old. If I go back to work when I'm 30, that's plenty of time to build a career. Also, I was 26 when I quit working and had only been in my field for 3 years. I wasn't sacrificing much, kwim?
Personally, I think it's easier to make the decision once the baby is born, or at least pregnant. It's not until that baby is in your arms, that you really "get" it. I'm not trying to be disrespectful. I've had friends who dreamed all their lives about being SAHM's, only to anxiously go back to work. I also know people who would give anything to SAH. Caring for a baby is more rewarding and demanding than you can imagine or predict.
I'd take it day by day. When the time comes, you'll make the right decision for your family.
What do you do? Is there the possiblity for part-time work?
I was a teacher and actually earned my M.Ed, 6 weeks after DD1 was born. I have yet to use it in the professional sense, however I plan to reenter the workforce sometime in the future. I am of the philosophy that you cannot waste education. It's not something that expires, rather it only adds to you as a person.
To answer your questions:
Was your decision to stay home an easy one to make? Yes. We discussed it in depth and were in a financial position to do it.
Are you glad you did? Yes, defintely.
Any regrets? No.
Do you miss your career/job/workfriends? I loved what I did. I had built a strong network in the district I had worked amongst adminstration, other teachers, and parents. I knew a lot of people and was very comfortable in what I was doing.
Will you ever return to the same type of work you did before you quit? I intend to return to the field of education in some shape or form- be it teaching, adminstration, or perhaps furthering my education more (PhD or EdD).
I agree w/the comment about waiting until you have your child to decide.
I did not make the decision immediately. I took a leave of absence for a year and tried it out. I was lucky that, though I have an MBA, I got it fairly young, so had worked for 11 years and was able to do that. I was 33 when I had my daughter. I do not miss anything about my job except for the fact that when I spoke, people shut up and listened and now they just yell louder.
I do not see myself in corporate finance again, unless DH decides he wants to step back in his career. I do not think it is fair to children for both parents to have long hour, demanding jobs. I worked in a daycare center and saw first hand the effects of long hours in care. 40 hours a week is the max I would be willing to do, and there are not many jobs that allow for that, unless my DH and I could use flextime, which is not really an option when you work 50+ hours a week.
Having me stay at home has made a big difference in DH's career. We currently make more than we did when we were both working.
I in no way feel I am wasting my education. I come from a long line of education "wasters". I share my knowledge with my children, with my DH, with my family, friends, and organizations I volunteer with. I use my education to help build a strong community for my children. I only know 2 SAHM who don't have a college degree. My sons playgroup of SAHP has a former math professor and a former NYT reporter, whose footage of 9/11 you have probably seen. All of us have college degrees.
Brady Phoenix, 8.29.09
Claire Zoe, 10.26.10
i work in municipal management - ridiculous hours (average 55-60) BUT i do have the option to have some creativity with my hours because of the night meetings i have. its my hope that our child would only have to be in daycare (ideally with a nanny) 3 days per week.
part of the pull is i also am in a job that is pensionable - if i walk away, i walk away from my pension (although if i dont cash out, which i wouldnt, my years of service would remain on file so if i went back someday, they'd count towards my 10 year minimum for vesting). so its not just walking away from an annual salary - its the long term benefits, particularly the health insurance that make up the entire financial package id be walking away from.
Was your decision to stay home an easy one to make? very easy. I always knew I wanted to be a SAHM and I'm lucky that DH felt the same way/wanted the same thing. That said, I was also very driven in school and have a graduate degree.
Are you glad you did? very
Any regrets? none
Do you miss your career/job/workfriends? not really... I mean, I absolutely LOVED my job, but being a SAHM is more important to me and I've found other ways to fill that "need" or whatever you want to call it. So I don't miss it.
Will you ever return to the same type of work you did before you quit? no, I will probably always SAH unless, financially, something changes.
I want to add that I don't at all feel like I'm wasting my degree or my education. First, going to school was a huge life-experience that I would never trade. It made me who I am today and I feel like my education benefits me and my family.
Think of how many people have a degree in xxx and work in something completely unrelated. I see this as being no different.
BFP 5/07 - Kylie born 2/08. BPF 2/09 - Alexandra born 10/09.
TTC since 8/13 - diagnosed difficulty conceiving due to LP defect. Took vitamin B and Vitex Berry to help lengthen.
BFP 2/14 - Missed M/C found at 8.5 weeks. D&C at 9w2d. Partial Molar Pregnancy.
BFP 11/14
My Pregnancy(ies) Blog
I know that I would be miserable working...too stressed out because I'm already a high stress/anxious person as it is. But that's just me and this is what DH and I wanted to do. I have friends who were absolutely miserable staying at home. Some who didn't even consider it, others who tried it and just couldn't do it... there are so many factors that play into it and you really just need to focus on what works for you and your family and ignore what everyone else has to say about it
BFP 5/07 - Kylie born 2/08. BPF 2/09 - Alexandra born 10/09.
TTC since 8/13 - diagnosed difficulty conceiving due to LP defect. Took vitamin B and Vitex Berry to help lengthen.
BFP 2/14 - Missed M/C found at 8.5 weeks. D&C at 9w2d. Partial Molar Pregnancy.
BFP 11/14
My Pregnancy(ies) Blog
It doesn't have to be all or nothing. Is part time an option in your field? I'm able to stay in my field while only working 17 hours a week. I feel like I have a good balance of keeping a career but being home with my DS most of the day. If part time is not an option, you don't have to SAH forever. You can always take off the first few years of the baby's life and go back.
I plan on eventually transitioning back to my field on a more full time basis (although ideally I'd like to find something with flex hours and 30-32 hours a week when both of my kids start school full time).
1. I did not choose to be a SAHM but forced into it. Do not take it the wrong way - I love my son.
2. Yes, I hate to brake it this way but you are wasting your degree because you are not working which goes hand in hand with having the degree. It is not only the degree but experience.
I have not been able to find a decent paying job because of the economy. I am not happy being home five days a week with my son. It is not that I do not love him, it is just that I married at 33, worked, got laid off, got another job and got laid off again. Then my husband was out of work for a while. We could not start having a family until I was 38. I enjoy the "moments"with him but for 14 hours a day you do not have those "moments". There is isolation and the same old routine- the feeding, changing diapers, cleaning. cooking - shopping - with no pay when you know the extra money is needed. What makes it worse is that the women in my neighborhood who have kids had them when they were in their early to mid 20's.
You can do both depending on how much you earn and what field you are in. I would not wait too long if you want to have children.
Jeez, what a downer. It isn't always that way, you know. Many of us find joy in the everyday routine... and I find special moments constantly.
Sorry you don't enjoy what you do, but it's not a prison sentence for many of us.
Noel - August 2010
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My decision to stay at home was super easy and was never based on my career. I love being home with my son, but sometimes I miss "me time". I do get jealous that my DH goes out to lunch with his friends or runs out during his lunch time ALONE. I have to plan and make sure there is someone to watch DS. It took me about 2 months to stop missing my job, but I was a SAHW for a few months before I had DS. A month before I had him, I realized I stopped thinking about work every day. I didn't rely on work for anything social, so I don't miss the people or environment. I am fairly sure I will never return to an office job again.
Aside from all of that, I do no regret getting a degree before becoming a SAHM. Going to college shaped me as the person I am today, since it exposed me to so much more than I would have been around otherwise. I don't regret my life choices at all. To be honest, I feel like I started appreciating my life once I didn't have to commit to 50 hours a week out of the house.
I have said many times that I am "wasting" my degree, but I definitely don't mean it quite the way your mom seems to. I merely mean that I went through 6.5 years of school, only to find out that I hate the teaching field as it stands right now. If things don't change, I will probably never teach. And I'm okay with that. I'm just disappointed that I am paying a ton of money every month for student loans. I get that it's important to have the degree, I just wish it had been in a field I could see myself in someday.
So, am I wasting my degree? Yes, but not because I SAH. I'm wasting it because I chose the wrong field. And for those that would say an education degree prepares you for motherhood - I disagree, at least at this point. I know how to discipline (and teach, and talk to, etc.) 5-10 year olds, specifically the ones with special needs. That in no way has prepared me for disciplining (etc.) a 14-month-old. It just doesn't compare. And my fear is that I will have forgotten everything I learned by the time he gets to be that age.
Was your decision to stay home an easy one to make? It wasn't really a decision. I was laid off when my oldest was a baby, then before I found a new job I got pregnant with twins. We decided it was insane to pay for daycare for 3 under 3.
Are you glad you did? Yes. Any regrets? No regrets. I have plenty of time in the future to earn money. I think I would regret not being here for my kids' first few years.
Do you miss your career/job/workfriends? Yes. But I get over it.
Will you ever return to the same type of work you did before you quit? Hopefully not. When I go back to work, I'd like something less stressful with more flexibility than what I did before.
I'm an aspiring novelist, so living in my pj's and baking has always been high on my to-do list ;-)
FWIW: Madeleine Albright took some years to stay at home with her kids for a while. So are is it a waste? no. Can your career survive? yes.
I think the important point from this post is choice. I think people make a choice are happier than people who don't have a choice. With a degree you have that choice more often than without it. My housekeepers don't have that choice. They work because they have to or would not have food for their family. We are all lucky to have that choice. Some of us value it, some of us don't. SAH is what you make of it. If you can't make it something that works for you and your family, then do something else. No one else is responsible for your happiness and that is especially true for SAHM. At least when you work, you can blame your miserableness on your boss or co-erker, it is much harder to blame it on a baby.
Was your decision to stay home an easy one to make? Yes. We moved to a new state shortly after we were married and I decided to start SAH since we wanted to start a family soon after the move.
Are you glad you did? Definitely.
Any regrets? None.
Do you miss your career/job/workfriends? Not really. I miss the fun parts of my career (product development for a food company), but not the stress/traveling/hours.
Will you ever return to the same type of work you did before you quit? Probably not and I'm totally fine with that. I loved what I went to college for, but I feel like I was meant to be a SAHM. It's something I've always wanted to do.
I grew as a person so much from my experiences in College, made some wonderful memories, have some life-long friends, and feel well-rounded and educated about a lot of the world around me... Aabsolutely NOT A WASTE regardless of whether I'm a SAHM, flipping burgers, etc.
To answer your specific questions:
Was your decision to stay home an easy one to make? Very easy as I was already very unsatisfied in my Auditing/Corporate Accounting career (too much travel, 100+ hours work weeks, not enough money, barely tolerable staff, etc.) and had planned to quit when I wrapped up the Audit I was currently in-charge of when I found out I was pregnant. I just fell into SAH once Emily arrived and never once felt the urge to return to work. That was 5 years ago.
Are you glad you did? Yes
Any regrets? Not one
Do you miss your career/job/workfriends? I'm still close with several of my co-workers! I do not miss the job and haven't given much thought to my career in general.
Will you ever return to the same type of work you did before you quit? I honestly can't answer that as I have no idea if I'll ever return to work.
The career was lucrative and the right job could be wonderful but I just don't know.
eclaire 9.10.06 diggy 6.2.11
Oh goodness you are not "wasting" your degree by staying home with your baby for a few years. If you got all this education then never used it possibly, but would you have the same stigma if you joined the peace corp or military???
I have a bachelor's. I worked until the day my son was born literally. When my youngest is ready for school I will re-enter the workforce. I do freelance in the meantime that I am able to do because of my degree, and we are contributing to my IRA. I do event planning which I love and will return to, and I went to school for criminal justice so either way I'm not using my direct degree but I wouldn't even if I didn't have kids.
You have to do what is best for you and your family. If your mom paid for your college or didn't have the opportunity to go herself she may have a different point of view, but you can't let others opinions dictate your whole life and neither can your sister.
If you don't feel comfortable staying home then work, if you want to try then try it. I don't regret staying home ever, I absolutely love it. Sometimes I miss my work friends and the work environment, sometimes I miss college, but I don't miss any time with my baby or the experiences we have together. That is my experience though you have to find what works for you.
Natural M/c 12/13/08 at 8w5d
I got my masters degree in Library Science in 03' and worked in my profession for 5 years before I had Lily and became a SAHM. In the past couple of years I have worked part time once- for 5 months (a project position). I applied and interviewed for another part time temporary position, but I didn't get it. We are currently TTC, so I probably won't apply for anything else until after the next baby weans from BF, but I do plan to go back to work here and there if I can while my kids are young- but only if the job works with our schedule (i.e.- I want to be here when they get off the school bus and summers...and then when the kids are grown I will return to work full time and work until DH and I retire. I only have to work 10 years at most of the local colleges and universities to get full retirement. I do know that I will probably have to start with a less desirable job at that point, but I am ok with that- SAH with my children is worth a little grunt work in the future.
I am lucky that I work in a profession that has a lot of part time/temporary work...and that will welcome someone back after many years. I also just don't care about moving up the ladder- in fact, I never want to be an administrator EVER. It is just not for me so I don't feel like I am loosing out on anything.
One thing that has really helped is to keep in touch with others in my profession and with my local professional association. I actually got my job last spring through an old coworker- didn't even have to interview!
I don't think I wasted my degree at all..in the end I will probably end up work around 20 years of my life in a field I very much enjoy.
We live long lives these days...You have to consider that even though you are having your kid "later" than some (I am also in my 30s), you will still be able and willing to work when your kids are grown.
Oh, and I will say that SAH is a huge adjustment and at times very boring, but overall it is great. I have a couple of great educated friends who also SAH in my area and we discuss politics, art, etc. (in addition to our kids) regularly, so that really helps. As with anything, SAH is what you make of it.
GL to you
Find any job? OK - any job is one that pays enough money to pay someone to watch my son - that is not cheap. Break even? Easier said than done.
You ARE less employable when you have a gap of employment, even if you stay home to raise a child. I worked in human resources ... I know it. If you were interviewing two candidates for a position and had to choose between two people who had the same qualifications for a position but the only difference between the two was that one had not been working in the field for for five years to be a SAHM and the other has been successfully working for the past 8 years ... who would you go with? This is reality ladies, especially in this economy.
If your mom paid for your college or didn't have the opportunity to go herself she may have a different point of view
i think you hit the nail on teh head. my mom paid for 100% of my sister's education, and paid for about half of my undergrad (i paid 100% of grad school). my mom dreamed her whole life of being a teacher, and then her father died when she was 17, her mom flipped out, and long story short, she never got to go to college. however, she did ultimately fall into an amazing career with the federal government and she did finally get her associates when in her 50's.
PP does make a valid point about the difficulty with finding a job when you havent worked in awhile. ive seen many moms who have been out of the workforce for 10 years. its really tough for them to find work if they havent kept up their skills - even if they have all kinds of degrees. my sister has been out for 15 years. she doesnt even know how to use a computer. no one will hire her. she doesnt plan to go back to work for another 10 years. after 25 years at home and no skills, i cant imagine what type of work she'd even do - even with a teaching degree. its scary.
I agree with the higlighted statement, and I think that's something important to consider that people tend to overlook. Yes, it's easy to say this is only temporary, in a few years I'll get back, but women should realize that it is harder and sadly employers do look down on people who have taken a leave from the workforce. A huge reason why I continue to stay employed part time is because the thought of losing my career is scary and I know it will be a million times harder to get back in if I leave 100% (I work in HR, so I know how it goes). A lot of times the risk is worth the reward for sure, but it's definitely something to keep in the back of your mind when you're making the decision whether SAH is right for you and your family or not and sometimes gets overlooked in these types of conversations.
As far as the original post I was told I was wasting my degree for years because I have a PR/Speech Comm degree but was managing retail stores but just like being a SAHM people negatively judge those who chose to work retail. A degree is required to be successful in all aspects of your life. My college experience prepared me for real life, whether using it in my field or staying at home and doing volunteer work and going to play dates.
As far as the post about being forced into it and miserable. If you are isolated and alone get out of the house and enjoy some of the free resources in your community. Our library, history museum and even some baby stores have story time or mommy and me times and they are free. You will find other mom's who have children in your child's age group, they may not be your age but the fact that you have kids will give you common ground. I joined a local mom's club for $20 for the year and they find all kinds of free activity's or just play dates at member's homes. The mom's are all different ages and no one cares.
It sucks to be unemployed and financially strapped but instead of feeling like you are being given a sentence maybe try to make the best of it and figure out a way to enjoy your time with your child. You will both be better off until you find a job.
Whaaaaat is your deal? Wah-waaaaaah, Debbie Downer is here.
Noel - August 2010
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Good gawd, are you ever bitter.
My decision was absolutely not easy to make. I have my Master's degree, and I had only been working in my field at the Master's level for 3 years before I had DD. I have a lot of money in student loans too; I invested a lot of time and money in my education. That being said, now that I've been home with DD for a year, I wouldn't change it for the world. I love the fact that I'm the one seeing her meet different milestones, and not someone else who's watching her during the day.
I do WAH part time, and I couldn't have gotten my current position without my degrees, so I don't feel like I'm totally "wasting" my degrees, but yes I do miss working in my field sometimes. Overall we made the decision for me to SAH based on finances, we are actually money ahead with me staying home and just working PT, than me going back to work FT and putting DD in daycare.
No, it's really not.
Cam 6.6.10 - Autism, Global Developmental Delay, Mixed Receptive/Expressive Communication Disorder
I think a lot of people would beg to differ, especially the moms with more than one child.
Cam 6.6.10 - Autism, Global Developmental Delay, Mixed Receptive/Expressive Communication Disorder
I know you can succeed without a degree but I wouldn't have wanted to risk it.
My college education gave me confidence and additional knowledge about the world that I didn't get in high school. Knowledge that I use in my every day life whether working, staying at home, or doing volunteer work. College expands your horizons and makes you figure out time management and responsibility.
Also I know most employers look for higher education when hiring. Coming from a retail management background most look for a degree when hiring managers some even require it. Most of my friends who don't have a degree had to work their way up in a company and end up not making as much.
To make the statement that a degree is required is absurd and not correct. It may be your opinion for yourself, but to make a blanket statement like that is idiotic. How many entertainers, athletes, and mega-business owners are out there who never stepped foot inside a college or university?!
FWIW, before I left to stay at home I was the general manager (I was THE boss) in a customer service/retail type business and I do not have a degree. There were people with degrees who were under me. My sister was upper management in a similar field and also does not have a degree. It is certainly not REQUIRED.
Again, you are welcome to your feelings and opinions for yourself, but the statement that it is REQUIRED to be successful is just not correct, plus the fact that "successful" is subjective. Your "successful" and someone else's "successful" could be two completely different things. All I'm saying is that your wording is not correct. You have an opinion, but you cannot state it as fact.
Cam 6.6.10 - Autism, Global Developmental Delay, Mixed Receptive/Expressive Communication Disorder