I am pissed that on the bump is the only place that I can show my true emotions!!! Everyone ask me how I am doing but they really don't want to know. They want to know that I am doing great...that I am getting better day by day. But the truth is every hour is different.
I want to talk about how I am hurting, I want to talk about her, I want to tell her I love her, I want to tell then I am scared! But when I cry in the middle of the day - they don't understand why I am crying because just this morning I was smiling.
I am pissed!
5/9/2013 = Our rainbow was born!!
08/18/2012 - BFP (Hoping this is our rainbow!)
06/24/2012 - Loss confirmed at 12 weeks
12/14/2010 - Loss baby girl at 20 weeks due to Turner Syndrome
01/2009 - Chemical Pregnancy
My Blog
Re: I'm Just Pissed! - Having a bad moment
I have started lying. I have started saying the phrase "Every day is easier. I am still sad but it's getting better." They wouldn't understand the phrase "I never know how I am going to feel. One day could be awesome, I am happy, I am excited and then the next day is a living hell and all I want to do is curl up in a corner and sob." The truth would just make them uncomfortable.
I know-it really sucks and it has been really hard b/c my standard phrase is i'm just taking it day by day, thanks for asking, and normally i get a hug from those i know. but i've realized people are feeling more and more uncomfortable...and i want to talk about him too, and share, and let them know there is no "getting better" (as my supervisor put it, he's glad i'm all better). but this board has been a great support and a place for me to feel "normal" and not hide or pretend. i even have to pretend with dh most nights b/c he is tired of hearing it. he found me last night in the baby's room rocking with the urn of my son, crying, b/c i wanted to rock him in his room. but i couldn't explain it so he would understand. its okay--use this board as much as you need!!!!!! {{{hugs}}}}
DD #1 born 10/21/03
DD #2 born 2/8/06
DS no hb 11/17/10 at 21w1d, d&e 11/24,demise due to fetal hydrops, from congestive heart failure, probably caused by structural malformation
Our Rango....BFP 2/6/11...hb on 2/23...perfectly healthy, but no hb on 6/9/11 d & e 6/15/2011
Rango's Blog