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Parenting after 35
Potty training day 2 - miserable fail
I just posted about this on Toddlers 24+ but I think I might have to stop PT and start over in a few months. I think I have really, really screwed this up. DH and I were so overzealous today about asking her if she had to go or reminding her to tell us when she did, and I think we just made her want to NOT go. She is now refusing to sit on the potty at all and gets really upset if I try to take her in there. She has had 4 accidents today and the last two she didn't even tell us she was wet - not good. And I made the incredibly stupid mistake of taking her out to the mall (we all went) and thinking it would be no big deal to take her into the public restroom. I feel so amazingly stupid about all this. I think I've traumatized her to the point where she now is completely opposed to going on the potty. DH and I were both wondering if we ought to just stop and give it a rest and try again after the holidays.
Any opinions or advice? I don't mean to be a wimp and give up too soon but I really am worried that I've created such a negative experience that it will never work. Should we give it one more day and just try to be really low key about it? Or is it just the wrong time now?
Eleanor Paige, born 3/27/08
Noah Christopher, born 10/2/10
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Re: Potty training day 2 - miserable fail
If it makes you feel any better, Stella is only a month younger than your DD, and we are nowhere near close to potty training. She'll sit on her potty sometimes, but she never goes. I don't want to push it because that has never worked with any other transition for her. AND Stella is terrified of public restrooms, so I think we're going to have to work on it solely at home in the beginning.
I'm aiming for this summer for potty training because she won't be in preschool over the summer. There are a couple of pre-school programs for 3 year olds that I'm really interested in, and she has to be potty trained. I'm trying not to put too much pressure on either of us.
I'd definitely wait until after the holidays, though. Don't stress!
I have a little experience since I potty trained 2 boys - my oldest at 2 yrs 9 months & my 2nd at 25 months.
It really is hard the first three to five days - day 2 you definitely did not fail. With my first it took me a few days just to figure out what would work with him - he did not like any rewards - he had to be naked from the waist down. Accidents are going to happen. I would definitely follow her lead, but I also feel at this age she can do it. You just have to give her the confidence ; ) It's okay.. if you have the time to commit to it then just take a step back - typically short outings are better at this time - like run to the grocery store - that will give her the confidence to stay dry & reward her with tons of compliments when she stays dry for a x amount of time.
Personally I would not stop, unless you are not ready & you think she is absolutely not ready also think it could send her mixed signals -. It is a commitment on you too!
Relax too - she will get it, she definitely can do it!
I would say to give it another day or two. Ha! Listen to me because I have had NO experience potty training a child.
Seriously though, if you can stick it out another day or two, it might get better. I think you could even say to her, "Yesterday was so hard, but I think today is going to be SO much better". Try to stay in with her and be low key about it. Maybe say, "Mommy and Daddy are going to ask you a LOT if you have to sit on the potty, it's okay if you don't have to go when we ask. Just try to remember to tell one of us when you do." You could practice once or twice like she has to go and make it fun, running over to the potty to pretend.
Or you could stop because you know way more than I do. Maybe you can sense that she isn't ready. No one will fault you for trying.
I just finished with Noah. Do not force her if she doesn't want to. You haven't screwed up anything, don't worry. Like the pp said, holidays are not the time to start pt'ing. There is just too much going on. I would back off till after the holidays for sure. Ask her if she wants to use the potty. Let her sit on it if she wants, if she doesn't want to, that's fine too. Do some naked time, keep it fun. Back off though and let her try again when she is ready. It is all about confidence and keeping it a positive experience. We had some set backs with Noah but when he decided he was ready, he was ready.
He did like rewards though (matchbox cars) so that helped with us. It is a process just like everything else. Just try not to get frustrated. The more confidence they get, the more they will want to do it.
Thanks everyone for the input and words of encouragement. We decided to keep going today but to be extremely low key about it. When she woke up this morning, Ellie immediately told me she had peed and asked to change out of her pull up. I asked her if she wanted to put on underwear, with the intention that if she did not, I would not push it. But she did want to and seemed excited about it.
Based on some suggestions on the Toddlers board, we are trying using a timer to indicate it is time to sit on the potty and we are going to give her an M&M (which she recently discovered and loves) when she does. If she actually does something on the potty, she will get more M&Ms and some sort of bigger reward. Also, we were trying to have her sit on the big potty yesterday, which she has done lots of times before. But today we are bringing her little potty chair into whatever room she's in and will try to get her to sit on that. It will also make it easier if we have to run her to the potty in the middle of an accident.
The first time the timer went off she did not want to sit on her potty so we let it go and will try again in another 30 min. She drank a ton of water at breakfast so I'm hoping we might have a chance to get her on there at least mid-accident.
I think today is going to be all about giving her some more control over this process. Yesterday we pushed it too much and she went into total resistance mode. I'm hoping if we let her have more control and feel like she is the one making the decision to sit on the potty that it will help. We are also trying to focus on positive reinforcement and cheer her for being dry every so often. If she finally does sit on the potty, we will make a HUGE deal about that.