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Baby Showers
What, if anything, should I do about invitations?
I know a baby shower is a gift, and I am lucky just to be getting one. I should not be planning or micromanaging at all. My best friend offered to throw one for me and asked who I would want invited. We discussed a short list of friends in the area and I know she emailed most of them to check dates.
Both my mother and sister live on the opposite side of the country, but I recently asked both of them if they wanted to be invited (at my friend's suggestion). They both said they couldn't come but wanted to be invited. I told this to my friend and she acted really surprised. It came out that she is not planning on sending invitations. I don't know what her plan was--the email she already sent? Evite? word of mouth?--nor why she's not sending invitations--money? time? Besides the fact that I want one for a baby scrapbook and I want my mom and sister to feel included, I thought throwing an event like this included sending invitations, ettiquette-wise. It may also be worth mentioning that my friend threw a shower for another one of her friends (not my friend, but I knew her) and I got an invitation (a real one, in the mail) to that. So this added to my surprise that my shower would not have invitations.
I know you can get great deals from sites like Vista Print, where you only pay for shipping, or even card sets for cheap at Target (though she might not know this). Should I bring this up again? Offer to buy invitations? Just let it go?
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Re: What, if anything, should I do about invitations?
Even though I would feel the same way as you initially, I do think if it bothers you this much, then you should buy your own from a cheap site. You have to imagine all of the things she is already paying for, and if invites weren't in the budget- don't be rude by pushing it and telling her what to do as this IS truly a gift. However, you can tell her that you would like to have actual hard copy invitations for keepsake and that your family wants some too. Ask her if she planned on sending some or should you pick them out yourself? if she gets offended just explain that she didn't mention it so you were curious if you should start looking for some.I would bet she tells you she already has some picked out.
On the other hand, she may have been surprised that they wanted an invite because they are not coming, rather than the invite in general- so make sure not to assume. I know for our wedding, we were paying for our own and had only a $10k budget on a destination wedding, so those who said they def were not coming did not get an invite. I later on heard from people "ohh i wasn't invited" and my reply was simply- actually you were and you told me you could not come so I didn't spend the extra money on extra invitations. Convo ended.
Yikes! That's really rude. You didn't want to spend the extra $2 on them?
I send invites to people even if I know they won't be able to attend my events, it's just the nice thing to do.
I can assure you it wasn't word for word, nor do I think it was rude being as those certain people made it very clear they were not coming. When you are on a VERY strict budget and you are paying for everything on your own (as a new couple starting out) for some- $2 would be huge after they add up for each person. In my particular situation, we have over 300 people in our family (combined), if we invited one we had to invite all. I found out who could and could not make it out of the 300 or so, then sent invites to those who could. There is nothing rude about that, in my opinion.
Ok. I tend to hold myself to very high standards, and sometimes I hold other people to them, too, which is really unfair and I know this.
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Frankly, I'd ask her if she'd like help with anything...like getting the invites. Shower invites can be obtained from the dollar store so I doubt it is the money. She probably just thinks it is odd that your relatives want an invite even though they are not coming. I would ask her for an invite so you can put it in your baby's scrapbook and perhaps your mom would like to do this too (that could be her reason for wanting an invitation.
To the other pp...with the 300 relatives. It is hard to believe that you personally spoke to 300 people and they told you they could or could not come to your wedding, but whatever. If you needed to keep the guest list down to a certain amount then fine. My brother is doing that...he can only afford 125 people so he had to break it off...first cousins only and aunts and uncles as far as extended family. You really can't invite one 2nd cousin and not another even though he is really close to a couple of them.
What is so hard to believe? It's common sense that it wouldn't be single people who get phones calls. For example, an aunt and uncle with 2 children count as 4 people on my list, but only 1 person to call. c'mon now. but whatever.
Call it what you want, it was a destination wedding and we did what we had to being we didnt have mommy or daddy paying for it. It turned out amazing, and we had the time of our lives.
Anyway, I agree that she was prob just surprised they wanted an invite even though they knew they were not coming. some think it's abnormal and some don't. as you can see, many people have different opinions. Good Luck!